Hidden Treasures from an Oddball Mind

How Many Is Too Many?

2010-02-05T10:32:00.000-08:00

An interesting question I found today: Should the Duggars stop having children? (This picture includes all but their newset one.)

First of all, I wonder why anyone thinks this is any of their business. If you don't want people telling you you have to have kids, you shouldn't want anyone telling you how many you can have if you want them. I know most of us think about having that many kids and literally want to gouge our eyeballs out of their sockets, but let's consider this for a moment, shall we?

As a general rule, the average individual can't handle that much, and doesn't want to. But what if you did? What if you could?

Most of the responses I saw were along the lines of calling them selfish, vainly ambitious, cruel, irresponsible.... you get the idea. Someone who has that many kids is selfish because they're contributing to the problem of overpopulation. They don't really take care of all their kids because they make the kids take care of each other, and that's selfish and irresponsible, too. They're doing it to get into Guiness. It's all about them!! There was also a horrifying sentiment of "serves them right" regarding the premature birth of their youngest daughter. How appalling is that?! Just because they have a lot of kids, they somehow deserve to have a child suffer? Or it's somehow their FAULT that she was born early? What a disgusting attitude!

Are we seeing a pattern here? Are you seeing how all of this hinges around a certain attitude toward procreation and children as people? They are cast as extensions of their parents. I suppose in a very literal sense, that's what they are. But all the people who hurl these accusations can't seem to get past that attitude to realize that that's not where this family is coming from.

When most people think about having that many kids, they think of people like the Octomom. They think of someone who deliberately and selfishly brought children into a home in which she was unable to provide for them financially, in which she has deprived them of a father figure so her sons had someone to pattern after and her daughters could learn how men are supposed to treat them, and who expects other people to pick up the dime for the cost of her choices. They also think of the people who reproduce indisciminately and feel no sense of responsibility for the life they helped create. The woman who has eight children by 5 different fathers by the time she's 25. The man who does a "Hit it and quit it" routine, never bothering to see what consequences he has created, and being uninterested in shouldering the responsibility for the ones he does find out about.

But the Duggars aren't those people. They have been married for several more years than they've had children, and have a stable and loving relationship. He is gainfully employed in a job that makes enough money to support his entire family. They make that money stretch by looking for deals, buying in bulk and expecting their children to contribute where they are able. Putting an older child in charge of a younger one is not cruel, nor does it constitute a theft of childhood. How much does a child learn by being given responsibilities commensurate with their capabilities beginning at a young age? Is it really so awful to teach a child loving service for those around them? Frankly, I wish more kids were being "robbed" like that. All of these kids are expected and taught to work, to be kind and of service, to love others, to develop their talents, the boys are all expected to get their Eagle Scout awards, which is an enormously beneficial skill-building program, and it would seem that they are expected to go to college, be thoughful, educated and civically active citizens. Raise your hand if you think that's bad......

These are people with deeply held convictions who follow them consistently. They have made very clear that they believe each child is a gift from God, and they behave accordingly. They treat each child as a rare, precious and wonderful thing that they feel honored to be blessed with. They love that child, nuture that child, educate it and send it into the world as a productive human being. Have you ever really looked at that family? All the kids are well-groomed, clean, fed, smart, talented, they all play an instrument.....I'm failing to see the downside here. This family lives within their means, they are debt-free, their children are hard-working because they've been taught from their earliest years that life means work, and that that is an honorable thing. Do we seriously want FEWER people like this in the world?! I say God bless them for being willing and able to take on this challenge.

World, Meet Roxxxy. Roxxxy, World.

2010-01-12T08:50:00.000-08:00

According to MSN and Bing, we now live in a world with the first robot girlfriend. Her name is Roxxxy (and yes, that is her real picture). Oh, yeah. Clever and classy. A winning combo in anyone's book. Apparently she is meant to be a "companion", 'cause she has several pre-recorded vocal responses that include actual words and full sentences. According to her creator, "sex only goes so far- then you want to be able to talk to the person". How encouraging. Ever notice how guys and girls are kind of opposite here? Girls do the talking first.

I suppose in fairness I should tell you that this whole thing didn't start off to be a sex product. The inventor lost a friend in one of the 2 towers on 9/11 and he wanted a way to preserve his friend's personality so his children would be able to interact with this friend and know him as they grew up. The things we do in grief. He first looked into home health care aides for the elderly, but the bureaucratic red tape was too prohibitive. What he's really looking to do, he says, is create artificial personalitites, and the sex thing is just a marketing tool. Uh-huh. Well, we'll see.

We've taken our first steps toward the world of I, Robot. Ummmm.... yay?

Thoughts on Celebrity, aka Meandering Through the Wonderwall

2010-01-04T15:51:00.000-08:00

Okay, I admit it. I love following the entertainment industry. I don't have any particularly stalkerish tendencies, though. I follow in a general sense, and also generally try to stick to good news types of things. But the Wonderwall is my weakness.

Today, I am looking at several entries and thought I'd just lay my opinions (unasked for though they may be) out there.

Linsay Lohan has pledged to make some changes in this new year. Can I get a group petition going that appeals to her to allow both her natural hair and skin colors emerge for a while? And maybe request that she put in some, I don't know, WORK this year? There have been no movies, no albums. The biggest thing I heard of was her collaboration with a make-up lady (sorry the name of the profession escapes me right now) in the creation of a Tan-in-a-Can. While I'm sure we're all willing to admit that she is an expert on fake tanning...and real tanning, for that matter, it just seems like someone with the talents that she has (and she does have them) ought to be doing something besides being followed around hoping for a glimpse into her totally screwed up personal life. I acknowledge that that is just a part of the celebrity deal. Still, one could hope that she would at least make an attempt to balance it a little with actually producing something besides scandal.

I am officially half way to old. I can still listen to music, I just can't look at the people who produce it anymore. They are....disturbing, to say the least. Maybe I'm just old enough to know that making people talk isn't a good enough reason to do something idiotic.

I like several of Lady Gaga's songs, for example, but looking at her makes me want to drop that last A from her name, if you know what I mean.

I like many of Christina Aguilera's songs as well, and I absolutely adore her powerhouse of a voice, but for some reason, she seems to have taken it into her head that being sexually liberated means dressing like a two dollar hooker. I will admit that since she had her son, her public appearance has improved considerably. God bless that boy!

And will someone please tell Mariah Carey that she is no longer the nineteen year old stunner she used to be, and to get a bra that fits and stop wearing clothes that are three sizes too small?! It's not sexy. You look ridiculous. Redefine sexy for yourself (and all of our sakes), I'm begging you.

Rosie O'Donnell has a new girlfriend. Rosie O'Who? Who is this woman?! I remember there used to be a really funny, reasonably good actress by that name. But this bitter hag cannot be she. I am tired of this person who is impersonating Rosie. Would the real Rosie please stand up? And if it turns out the funny, talented one was the fake, could we please have the fake instead?

Charlie Sheen and current wife might be reconciling. Oh, goody! 'Cause nothing says "You misunderstood the depth of my love for you" like holding your spouse at knifepoint. This is the second time this guy has married after too brief an aquaintance and procreated on an accelrated schedule, only to go stark raving nuts. Seriously, dude. Tie your tubes, please. At least then your divorces will be relatively quick and clean.

It turns out that Nicolas Cage isn't being sued for nearly as much as was previously thought. A mere $3 million as opposed to $36 million. I'm sorry, but why is this news? This is a correction blurb. He's still being sued for taking out a loan he had no intention or ability to repay. He still owes back taxes for several years, and he still continues to live a lifestyle he can't afford. He's still a schmuck who didn't pay his bills or keep his promises. Is this supposed to make me think he ISN'T any of those things? Well, hey. Maybe he can get in good with Obama and become the Hollywood czar. Then he'd fit right in with all the other czars who don't pay their taxes and spend money they don't have.

Tila Tequila, that bastion of sensibility, gentle femininity and decorum, is NOT pregnant. Yet. So, her New Year's resolution is to threaten to continue her genetic line? Lovely. I don't know about any of you, but I might be convinced to donate to a Spay Tila campaign. In fairness she's talking about being a surrogate for her brother and sister-in-law. That's a relief because frankly, this woman (she is a woman, right?) is everything that is wrong with the world today in one crude, vulgar, liposuctioned, silicon-stuffed, lycra-coated, over-mascaraed capsule. As far as I can see, this woman's only talent is to be disgusting. Why are people paying attention to her? She openly admits that she feels free to go absolutely nuts on the Internet only because she knows her family will never see it. How pathetic is it that you deliberately created a life that the people you love will never be a part of?!

Jon Gosselin. Really, is there anything more to add? I mean, this guy is a black hole! I never saw the show with his family. I'm not a fan of reality TV. As far as I'm concerned, the show contributed to the demise of his family, but the choices are always ultimately ours, aren't they? Rather than acknowledge that living life under constant public scrutiny was too much of a strain for his family to survive and getting back to real life with the prioroty of keeping his family intact, he threw them under the bus and he seems to be driving his entire life into the ground. The woman/child he committed adultery with is no longer with him (don't know who dumped who) and now she can't stand him, either (though she should be utterly ashamed of herself, too). Honestly, he seems to think that he deserves the spotlight, though I'm not sure he'd be able to say what exactly about him is so deserving. Yet another example of what happens when you demand to be treated with a respect you haven't earned. Ka-BLOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!! Be a man, Jon. Put your family first and put it back together.

A Sad Day

2009-12-22T20:05:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know, I have been nursing a ~~massive~~ teensy-weensy crush on Michael Buble. But I have to let him go. *sniff* I found out today that he has a girlfriend. So I bid him adieu, until such time as he becomes available for fantasy again. (I don't poach. Not even for pretend.) And if this (stunningly beautiful) woman turns out to be The One, I'll be happy for them both. And on the hunt for a new celebrity crush. Have fun, Michael!*sigh* Until we meet again....y'know...for the first time.

Here she is. The lucky girl. Her name, I think, is Luzana. She's from somewhere in South America. Argentina, I think. Anyway, she's lovely. I wish them all the best. Someday, I'll find my own.

Collective Sigh of Relief Causes Windstorm in Canada

2009-12-06T23:00:00.000-08:00

So, I'm going to make this my fun blog. All political posts have been moved to my new political blog, where they will find a happy, albeit likely unviewed, life. So, I will no longer pester you with these thoughts. I'll pester total strangers and harass my family to read them, even though they're the ones who usually give me the ideas to begin with. I need love, people! Show me some love!

Call Off the Sharks

2009-11-18T07:59:00.000-08:00

So I have MSN Messenger, right? And when you sign in it gives you this little window of news, entertainment, e-mail, etc. with all the top stories and searched items of the moment. One of these was an article about Kristen Stewart's Bad Attitude. It's all about how Ms. Stewart is not behaving with due grace and gratitude in her newfound spotlight. One of the people quoted in the article was a young lady who apparently had nothing better to do with her time than start an "I Hate Kristen Stewart" group. She has all this animosity toward a virtual stranger because she doesn't feel that Ms. Stewart is exhibiting the proper amount of reverence for the story. Does anyone else out there find this to be ridiculous?! Yet despite the violence of her dislike for the girl who is going to be in essentially every scene, this young lady is still going to see "New Moon". She even says that she'll just sit there getting angrier and angrier during the film . My question then becomes WHY?! Why go pay good money to become ANGRY for two hours?! In what parallel universe does that make sense?

Now, I am not a fan of Ms. Stewart, by any means. I find her method of delivery to be consistently comparable to uncontrollablly fired verbal bullets. Words burst out her mouth as though they're deperate to escape and feel safer going in groups. But I feel sorry for her! I can hear you out there thinking, "Oh, yeah! I feel sorry for the poor kid. Rich and famous overnight. Oh, the humanity!" I know. But seriously, think about it for a second. People expect her to be as big a fan of the Twilight universe as they are. And she's not. She's never made any secret of it. She hadn't even read any of the books when she read for the role. By all indications, she never intended to be a big star. She was strictly indie. I imagine she thought this was just another indie film. And for someone who didn't know what Twilight was, the film had a lot of those earmarks. A low budget, an relatively unknown director, virtual unknowns for the leads, and a story that was different than the commonly accepted lexicon for the Fantastical. Her mistake was an innocent one.

Frankly, people have an entirely different set of expectations for Indie actors, and they were expectations that suited her and she could and did meet. With Indies, you expect them to read Sartre and quote obscure poets, listen to deep, dark music from bands no one else has ever heard of and wear clothes that are a little...odd. Their social skills are also not of the average variety. You expect them to be somewhat biting, sarcastic and derisive toward the mainstream. You don't think twice about it, 'cause that's just the deal with them. There's a reason the Paps don't follow them. And you gotta admit, Stewart fits in that world. The drawback to this Indie-ness is that in sticking to the shadowy corners of society, they are pretty much unaware of what goes on in the brightly lit center of society. This out of touch-ness led Ms. Stewart to commit the fatal faux pas of accepting a role in a pop culture phenomenon, which, I would imagine, goes against everything she believes in, and everything she had chosen for her life up to that point. But she's stuck now. And she is completely unprepared for the life she now leads. All of the skills, habits, and preferences that worked so smoothly on the Shadowy Edges, are causing her to be crucified in the brightly lit center. She is now in the unenviable position of having to, if not embrace, at least tolerate with good grace, the nightmare of learning an entirely new set of skills while under highly critical attention of a microscopic degree. Not fun. In fact, I'll bet she feels pretty dang betrayed right about now. Not to mention bereft. The life she planned for, worked for, is gone forever now. And in its place is this monstrosity that she never wanted to have anything to do with. That's a lot for an 18 year old to deal with. That's a lot for a 45 year old to deal with! Oh, did you forget that? How well would you have handled having all your comfort zones and all your goals publicly stripped away from you at the age of 18, leaving you all but naked in the spotlight, raw and exposed, while you tried desperately to scramble for some semblance of what you used to call normal?

All in all, I think it's time for the generous spirit of America to kick in and cut this kid a little slack while she's on this rather steep and brutal learning curve.

I am Woman! Hear me...whine?

2009-11-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

So I was watching a little GMA clip today, and it was the segment with Kathy Lee Gifford and the lady whose odd name I can never remember, except that it's odd. The question they were asking was "Why don't men listen?" Or, specifically , why don't they listen TO WOMEN? Well, first of all, I don't think that's really what they're asking. I think the more accurate question would be "Why don't men listen WHEN and HOW we women want them to?" And the answer would be "Because they're not women."

But what really piqued my interest was when Kathy Lee cited a study saying that the U.S.A. had ranked 31st in the Global Gender Gap (2007) study. And I thought, "WHAT?! Thirty first?! Well, this needs context." So I went hunting.(Sweden came in first, if you're curious, but not curious enough to follow the link.)Who DOES these studies?! And more importantly, what's their agenda?

Okay, first of all, I'd like to point out that we are 31st out of 128 countries. Shouldn't that be mentioned?! But we came after Moldova, Sri Lanka and South Africa. Seriously?! Did they count the black women in South Africa? I mean, I know they've come a long way since Apartheid ended, but really?!

I didn't think this study had the right kind of criteria for a true gender equality study. They said it was based on four "pillars": economic participation and opportunity, educational attainment, political empowerment and health and survival. And of course, there are a number of subcategories under each pillar. So the main pillars sound great, but then they had things like birth rates, and contraceptive use. What does that have to do with equality? It's not exactly something that can be compared. What, we're only equal when we give birth as often as men do? I could see contraceptive availablility being relevent, but not use. They counted how many women had trained medical professionals on hand while giving birth, but they didn't define professionals. And frankly, women have been giving birth for a long time now. Doctors aren't the only way to go. In fact, from a historical perspective, they're pretty new. I think it's great if these things are available, but I don't think it should count against anything if you don't use it.

Let me share an exerpt from the study:
Gaps vs. levels
The Index is designed to measure gender-based gaps in access to resources and opportunities in individual countries rather than the actual levels of the available resources and opportunities in those countries. We do this in order to make the Global Gender Gap Index independent of the level of development. In other words, the Index is constructed to rank countries on their gender gaps, not on their development level. Rich countries have more education and health opportunities for all members of society and measures of levels thus mainly reflect this well-known fact, although it is quite independent of the gender-related issues faced by each country at their own level of income. The Gender Gap Index, however rewards countries for smaller gaps in access to these resources, regardless of the overall level of resources. For example, the Index penalizes or rewards countries based on the size of the gap between male and female enrollment rates, but not for the overall levels of education in the country.(emphasis added)

Okay, as far as I'm concerned, this study just tanked their right to have their results taken seriously with that one paragraph. They divorced the results from the criteria of development in a country. You kind of can't do that and expect to get any really accurate kind of answer, because the gender gap isn't independent of the development of a country! So this all becomes a massive, paper-wasting game of "What If?". "What if everybody had the same amount of stuff. Would the girls get as much as the boys?" Oh, come on! That is not science! This study seems to completely disregard the element of personal choice. Just because people don't avail themselves of opportunities, doesn't mean the opportunities aren't available to them.

I don't think this study creates an accurate picture of accessibility to resources. But people will just hear that the U.S. was 31st in the gender gap ranking, leaving everyone with the highly erroneous impression that America is somehow lacking in equal rights between genders. This happens a lot! Some study that has totally whacked out criteria comes out and says that America sucks in a ranking, and everyone just runs with it without putting it into any context. We gotta stop doin' that!

I, for one, am tired of people trying to make us look like we're some mysogynistic, oppressive, patriarchal regime. Women in western civilization have it better than any other women in the history of the world. In some ways we have it better than the men. Stop whining already.

The "D" Word

2009-10-27T23:45:00.000-07:00

You know how all those skinny people claim that they've fallen off the wagon so many times? Yeah. Well, I have not just fallen off the wagon, I have set it on fire and pushed it off of a cliff. Then I rolled down to the flames(because hiking down would have been exercise) and proceeded to roast marshmallows coated in peanut butter M&M's on the conflagration of my failure.

So, I'm still fat. I hate it, but apparently not enough to, y'know, exercise and eat things that aren't saturated in sugar. *sigh* I love sugar. I have made some small progress in self-awareness in that I have realized that eating is an anxiety response, as opposed to a depression response. It is a truly horrifying testament to my state of mind when I realize I am wishing almost desperately for depression so I can stop eating like like someone who's shortly going to require power tools, heavy machinery and police clearance to leave the house.

I can't seem to find any motivation. In some small defense, I am in my senior year of accounting (all online) and it's sucking my brain dry and scaring the daylights out of me. I've been a student for so long (6 years), I'm not entirely sure what a normal adult me will look like. So many changes coming. Good changes. But I'm pretty nearly scared witless. Which would contribute to the school difficulties. Hard to do well in school when lacking wits.

So, maybe I'm hoping for some encouraging words from the people out there. All one or two of you that read this.

Out of Time

2009-05-18T21:29:00.000-07:00

"Even if the good old days never existed, the fact that we can conceive such a world is, in fact, an affirmation of the human spirit." Orson Welles

I was born in the wrong time. At least as far as Hollywood goes. Now I know that there are plenty of gorgeous and talented people in Hollywood right now, but I'm sorry. My heart pretty much belongs to the eras of the 30's and 40's in Hollywood. The performers of that era were pretty consistently a triple threat. SO talented. And they weren't physically perfect. Some of them had goofy ears, or weird teeth or were just plain odd-looking (Jimmy Durante, anyone?). The fashions were so rich and elegant, the lines so pure. Perhaps that would have changed if the films had been in color, but I don't think so. I read once that black and white is an actor's best friend because it keeps the focus on the acting, as opposed to the colors. But the glamour was.....stronger, I guess, because Hollywood was PART of the illusion. Now everyone's into realism. But I miss the fantasy. And the STORIES they told! I get all swoony just thinking about it.

I learned to love this era because of my mother. Now my mother is not that old, lest you make the mistake my daughter did. No, she learned it from her mother. It was something they shared when she was a child, just the two of them. She passed it on to me, and I am pleased to be passing it on to my progeny. I have many, many favorites, but I'll just share a few.

Naughty Marietta (1935)-Jeanette MacDonald, Nelson Eddy

Nelson and MacDonald were America's Singing Sweethearts. She plays the disguised French princess on the run, whose ship is attacked by pirates. He plays the dashing, if somewhat full-headed, Captain of the mercenary band who rescues her. She knocks him down a peg or two, he returns the favor (and they're both the better for it), so naturally, they fall in love. The fact that Nelson Eddy is as stiff as a board is completely irrelevant to me. The fact is, he wasn't really an actor, but his voice totally makes up for that. I love this movie, and I love the music and I love to listen to them sing it. My favorite moment is when he's trying to "woo" her by alternately insulting her and singing with the Italian band playing in the street outside her window (being female and possessing a pulse, she is spellbound by his singing voice). Then SHE starts to sing and blows them all away. Fantastic! (Note- If you aren't fond of an operatic style, this may not be as enjoyable for you, but the sheer verve of the moment ought to get you through it.)

Captain Blood (1935)and The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)- Errol Flynn, Olivia de Havilland, Basil Rathbone

These are my two favorite Errol Flynn movies. Interestingly, in both films he shares the same co-stars. Something about their chemistry is electrifying to me. He's the hero, she's the fair maiden and Basil is the menacing rival. Classic!These are the films they invented the phrase "in grand style" for. The sweeping music, the adventure, the romance, it's all there.

Errol Flynn was a man who broke the mold, in my humble opinion. He was dashing, good-looking, athletic, something of a ladies man (not to mention a really good actor)and completely unapologetic about any of it. His charm seemed to make up for that lack. We live in an era too ashamed of itself for someone so unabashedly masculine. Captain Blood is the story of a soldier turned doctor who treats the wrong patient during a time of political unrest in England. As a result, he is tried for treason. His sentence is slavery in the Carribbean. Olivia de Havilland buys him. Eventually he escapes (through brain power, no less)and, disillusioned by the cruelty of his King and country, becomes a pirate. Oh, what will happen? How is our hero ever to become a part of law-abiding citizenry again?! I'm sure there's a girl and sword-fight along the road to redemption. And everyone knows the story of Robin Hood. In fact, in pertinent story points, I think I just described it.

Olivia De Havilland, another of my favorites from this era, plays the Governor's neice, Arabella, in Captain Blood and Maid Marian in Robin Hood. She gives her ladies spunk and intelligence and courage. You have to love them. All told, she starred in eight films with Flynn, and they had some serious on-screen mojo. She is an amazing actor, especially for someone who never particularly wanted to be one.

Basil Rathbone, who is perhaps best known for playing Sherlock Holmes, plays Guy of Gisbourne in Robin Hood and rival/friend French pirate Captain Levasseur in Captain Blood. Though he's not classically handsome, he's incredibly compelling and magnetic. He's just so deliciously sinister and his eyes are so intense, he makes me lean back a little in my seat, just in case. Both films boast impressive sword-fighting duels between Basil and Errol (can you even SAY those names without a British accent?! I think not!)

While there is romance and intrigue to spare, the action is awesome. Both of these actors were masterful fencers, and it totally shows.

This one was actually filmed on Laguna Beach in California, and all the little stumbles and slips are real. (Though I can't help slipping out of my willing suspension to wonder if Basil got water up his nose at the end, there.)

Jane Eyre (1944)- Orson Welles, Joan Fontaine

I have always loved this film. Though I only recently read the book, and fell in love with it, too, (I'm now an official member of the Edward Faifax Rochester Stalker's Club) I have seen other versions of this story, and while they have many merits and are certainly more faithful adaptations of the novel, Mr. Welles will always be my Mr. Rochester. Those dark eyes! That deep voice! Or was that deep eyes and dark voice? It's both. Either one would have shivers running down my spine (and I mean the good ones), but you put them together and I cannot take my eyes off that screen. I just sit there and stare like a mouse at a snake. And I drool.

Joan Fonataine plays Jane with such quiet security and SPINE, it's fantastic. Even if the hairdo did make her lose her chin. Observe a normal 'do. See, she's pretty, right? But her Jane 'do definitely hampered that.(See the video.) Amazing how an unattractive 'do can seriously damage a person's beauty.

This is one of my favorite parts of the movie. I apologize for the length, but it has a lot of those eye/voice parts[insert sheepish grin here]. The parts I like the best you can find at 0:50-1:40 (the hottest handshake EVER) and 5:30-6:10 (a declaration I WILL hear before I die!). (*swoon*)

Trivia- Joan Fontaine and Olivia de Havilland are sisters. Elizabeth Taylor plays a small part in this film as Helen Burns, Jane's only childhood friend. She dies.

Summer Stock (1950)- Gene Kelly, Judy Garland

Okay, so it's technically out of the 40's now, but this is just cute. It's a musical (if you couldn't guess that by the stars), and one of Judy Garland's last films. She's Jane, a farmer (willing suspension of disbelief! Work with me!)who's hit a hard time. Her self-centered younger sister Abigail comes home with a theatre company in tow, intending to use the barn to stage their show. This doesn't settle well with Jane or the locals, particularly Jane's fiance Orville and his autocratic father. Jane is headed for some serious heart wrangling when she and Joe(Gene Kelly), the guy who owns the show (and is engaged to her sister), start sparking. There are some truly hysterical characters in this movie played by the inimitable Marjorie Main and Phil Silver. And Eddie Bracken as the nebbish, slightly spineless Orville. But it's the chemistry of Kelly and Garland and the song and dance numbers that are where it's at for me. Go to 3:33 to see my favorite funny song with Gene Kelly and Phil Silver.

And then prepare to get blown away by Garland at her best.

So, these are a few of my favorite things. But a small offering from that particular era of Hollywood. I could go on and on, but I'll save it for another post. I know we hear it all the time, but they just don't make them like they used to. What about you, bloggers? Any oldies you heart?

"A film is never really good unless the camera is an eye in the head of a poet." -Orson Welles

Is Grief Allowed?

2009-03-08T21:43:00.000-07:00

I was reading PostSecret today and I came across one that made me very sad. This young lady said that her Mormon mother was too busy crying because she wasn't getting married in the temple to help her get ready on her wedding day. I can see how she might feel that was selfish on the part of her mother. I could see how a she would hope that her mother would focus on making it a good day for her on her wedding day, of all days. I can even see that her mother's sense of timing sucked. She could have held off until the day was over. That certainly would have been more socially acceptable. But I couldn't help feeling more sorry for her mother than for her. I couldn't help feeling that it was the daughter who was unforgivably selfish. Perhaps it's a sign of maturity, but I ached for that mother. Of course, as a Mormon (and a mother)myself, I understand exactly what this young lady is giving up and the depth of her mother's grief.

For those unfamiliar with our beliefs, we hold that there are many degrees of heavenly reward, and that the highest degree can only be attained by those who have entered the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. We do not believe that marriage ends at death, as all other faiths do. Our ceremony does not contain any phrases like "Until death do us part" or "As long as you both shall live". We believe that marriage is a bond that is intended to continue throughout eternity, and that those who are sealed on this earth will be sealed in heaven, along with their children. Other faiths believe that all familial bonds perish with mortal death, nor do they believe that their eternal reward is directly connected to the covenants they make here.

So, keeping that belief in mind, that by not marrying in the temple this girl has chosen to not only cut herself off from the highest degree of heavenly rewards, but to cut off her potential children as well, I think that daughter should have been more sensitive to her mother's feelings. Yes, she's getting married. Yes, it's her day. And yes, it's a good thing, but it's not the best that she could have had. And her mother, like all good mothers, wanted the best for her child. To this young lady I say, have patience with your mother's grief. She's not just losing you. She's losing your children. They won't be a part of her family on the other side, no matter how completely she loves them on this one. Your choice to reject everything that she believes in is a devastating blow. Let her feel the loss of it. Someday in the not-too-distant future, you may have a child who chooses to reject everything that you believe in and have spent so much of your blood, sweat, tears and years to imbue in that child. Perhaps then your mother's tears will suddenly become something other than an inconvenience on a day that you think is supposed to be all about you. Respect that, regardless of whether or not you share her beliefs, they are still her beliefs and her loss is real. You may take exception to the timing, but be forgiving of the fact that we mortals are not alwways able to restrain our grief to socially appropriate moments.

Grammar Trauma

2009-02-04T19:33:00.000-08:00

I know I have mentioned this in previous posts, but I seriously have issues with bad grammar. Now, I would like to clarify that while I have a sort of automatic eye-rolling reflex when I hear bad grammar from the average citizen, I'm seriously considering suing someone for mental anguish when I see it in publications that are supposed to be staffed by professionals. You know that moment in the movie Ratatouille when Linguini screams repeatedly in wordless horror and revulsion after seeing all those little bite marks on his body? Yeah, that's me with this issue.

Case in point: I was reading in my local newspaper a lovely, heart-warming little article about the YMCA and how much it has helped the youth, two young men in particular. In said article a woman who works for the YMCA was quoted as having said something fond about one of the boys in a rather wry tone. So what's the problem, you ask? The writer, who henceforth may never be called such again, used the word RYE. RYE!!!!! No, no, no!!!

Rye is a grain!! It is used to create flour, from whence we then create crackers and bread. It is not an expression of any emotional content or facial movement. It's a NOUN!! Not an adjective. This so very wrong on such a fundamental level. The people whose PROFESSION it is to create images with words need to have enough of a grasp of the language they're writing in to not make it sound like the woman they're quoting is speaking with her mouth full of a deli sandwich!!!!!

There are supposed to be lines of defense to keep this sort of travesty from happening. People with titles like Proofreader and Editor are supposed to be ever on guard, lest their publication be made to look like the literary don't column with that little black strip that's meant to protect their identity.

I see this problem increasing at an alarming rate. I just read an article on MSN today about tricks that make your make-up last longer during the day. The author, who is clearly an expert in make-up and equally clearly did not do well in the language section of his SAT's, described a particular make-up brush as an AFFECTIVE tool. GAHHHH!!! Affective refers to the causing of emotion. Outside of a few very devoted make-up artists, I can't really see that term applying to a make-up brush. Effective, on the other hand, refers to producing an intended effect. Can you see how using the wrong word can create a completely different meaning than was intended? No wonder people think Americans are stupid. We can't even use our own language correctly! Homonyms only sound the same. They have completely different meanings and it really does matter which one you use when you're writing. You can get away with it when you're speaking, but one should really know what one is actually saying.

I can hear y'all out there telling me to just chill. It's not that big a deal, and I could not agree less. I'll share with you something that most people don't think about. The fall of every great civilization was preceded by the corruption of their language. I like my civilization. I have no desire to see it fall nor to contribute to said fall in any way. Therefore I will force my children to speak correctly and campaign for other people, namely those whose job it is, to at least TRY. 'Cause it matters. It really does.

The End of Days or Signs that the Earth is Approaching Old Age

2009-01-24T20:04:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you've all noticed the signs. I mean, they're obvious, aren't they? We all accept the Earth as a female, right? Well, she seems to be entering The Change, poor gal.

It was December. The Decembers of my youth (which isn't really all that far in the past)were wonderlands of snow. Piles. Drifts! It was pretty consistent. Some years we got less, most years we got more. In contrast, the Decembers of my maturity are stark, raving nuts. It was 35 degrees. This is not the strange part. December, and all. What's strange is that the day before it was 60 degrees. Mother Earth had a hotflash. There's no other explanation.

You Might Be a Mormon If...........

2009-01-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

-its not "the early bird catches the worm" its, "the seminary student gets into college"

-you say "provo", "salt lake", or "palmyra" without the state and automatically assume that the whole world knows where those places are

-there is a son on a mission and mom is pregnant with another.

-you know what a "fireside" is

-You go to a church potluck and there is every type of jello imaginable

-8 kids in a family is "average"

-your 14th and 16th birthdays are the best birthdays of your life

-you think "heck" is the place for people who do not believe in "gosh"

-you know how to pronounce and spell Mahonri Moriancumer

-you know what ZL, DL, AP, PPI, BYC, SYC, YSA, GA, EQP, EFY, YC, CTR, and BYU all stand for

-Modest is Hottest

-Youth Conference, EFY, and Girls Camp are the best 3 weeks of the year!

-mormon movies are amazing and Kirby Heyborne is your hero

-you drive into the church parking lot and at least half the lot is filled with 12 passenger vans

-you "Bless this food to nourish and strengthen" your body before eating doughnuts

-going 24 hours without eating is no longer a challenging thing

-a "Caffeine High" is eating a king size chocolate bar

-pick-up lines are the greatest things ever!

-"How many wives does your dad have?" is often the first question asked when someone finds out that you're mormon

-parents are disappointed if their kid "only" got into Harvard

-buying a prom dress is the most difficult thing of your life

-"Mormon, mormon, mormon, mormon,
Mormon, mormon, mormon, mormon.

I know a mormon boy,
He is my pride and joy.

He knows most everything from Alma on down
WOO!
Someday I'll be his wife,
We'll share eternal life.

Oh how I Love that mormon boy!
WOO!

We are the mormon girls,
We wear our hair in curls.

We love to laugh and sing and have a lot of fun
WOO!
We are the biggest flirts,
We don't wear mini-skirts.

Oh how we love our mormon boys!
WOO!"

-you have more than one aunt/uncle that is younger than you

-the "EFY Medley" is your favorite song

-"Is the spirit telling you what its telling me?"

-writing in your journal is a daily event

-"I can't...I'm Mormon" has been an excuse on more than one occasion

-piano was your first instrument

-your mom is pregnant at the same time you are

-you have 3 or more BYU sweatshirts/shirts

-John Bytheway is your favorite comedian

-you refer to the Cougars as "we"

-you're the fastest one on the road

-a keg party consists of rootbeer

-BYU has been you're dream school since you were 5

-you either live in, have many friends from, or are from Utah

-"So, what color is your toothbrush?"

-being a "rebel" is drinking Mountain Dew more than twice in one week

-lumberjack, the newspaper game, and ride that pony are your 3 favorite games

-there are more women pregnant in your ward than not

-you consider a great date watching The Princess Bride!

- The laying on of hands has nothing to do with physical violence.

- Your hobby is work for the dead.

-you've ever pushed 120mph in a 55mph zone on the way to a church dance

- You've ever had your alarm set for 4:45 am

- Your first date was when you were 16 to a Church Dance and your parent was a chaperone.

-all your dishes have your name written on them with masking tape

-you think Jell-O is one of the basic food groups

-at least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house

-you have never arrived at a meeting on time

-you have more wheat stored in your basement than most third world countries

-you've already got your order in for volume 50 of "The Work and The Glory"

-you think it's all right to watch football on Sundays as long as a direct descendant of Brigham Young is playing

-you have to guess more than five times the name of the child you're disciplining

-you automatically assume that BYOB means, Bring Your Own Burgers

-you go to a party and someone spikes the punch with Pepsi

-you arrive to an activity an hour late and are the first person there

-"Oh my Heck!" is your idea of swearing

-before "The Discussion" in fifth grade you think people get pregnant by praying for babies

-You say "the scriptures" instead of "the bible" and people are confused

-You knew how to iron your own white shirts/dresses before you were ten

-Quadruple combinations are passed down through generations

-The best present on your eighth birthday is a set of scriptures with your name EMBOSSED on the front cover

-You are the only person in your high school's theatre department who knows how to tie a necktie . . . and have to do so for every guy wearing one on stage . . .
and you're a girl

-An evening's hi-jinks involve "heart attacks" or "forking"

-You go to college and only know how to cook dishes in amounts of seven portions or more

-You think that spending more than three hours at church on Sunday is normal

-You think that the deacons, teachers, and priests in your church are either cute or really obnoxious

-You know exactly what Beehives, Mia Maids, and Laurels are, and have to explain what those are to your friends

-Your family owns a wheat grinder, bread machine, and vacuum packer

-you think the only sensible way to buy groceries is in bulk

-You know how to make brownies/cookies/frosting/muffins/pancakes/waffles from scratch

-You know what "from scratch" means

-Your family's satellite subscription package includes BYU Radio and BYU-TV

-You have more than one religious picture/statue in your home including in your bathroom and the rooms of you and your siblings

-You have never had your own room and will never have your own room because you go from home to college and college to marriage

-You think that sharing your dorm room with only ONE roommate is a luxurious arrangement

-You carry a military size Book of Mormon in your purse so that you have something to read if you get stuck waiting somewhere

-You think it's rude to call or come to someone's home unannounced on Monday night

-You look forward to yearly temple trips with Christmas-like anticipation (and then when a temple is built ten minutes from your house you drive by at every opportunity)

-You know that the "golden dude" on top of the temple is NOT doing a karate kick, but is holding a trumpet

-Your family spends more than 500 dollars on groceries each month at Costco

- Boys in your family are not allowed to drive until they reach Eagle Scout rank

-You think foreign language class in high school is good practice for your mission

-Your home room class (which was Seminary) raises more money during the Penny Drive than the rest of the school . . .
combined

-You feel like you've really missed out if you get sick on Sunday, especially if it's BYD Sunday

-You plan on spending your retirement years on missions

-Your favorite lunch hang-out is the Seminary building

-Your life is not complete without 1) passing off all six years of Girl's Camp 2)Earning your Young Womanhood Recognition award 3) Graduating Seminary 4)Graduating Institute and 5) Getting married in your favorite temple

-The only experience you've had with a Margarita is getting baptized for ten of them on your first temple trip... ( HAHAHAHAHAHAA! that is so funny!! )

-you get these jokes and you'll invite all your mormon friends to join

*Thanks to Jeff Foxworthy for coming up with most of these!*

Coming in to Twilight

2009-01-20T23:19:00.000-08:00

SPOILER ALERT!!! READ NO FURTHER IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THESE BOOKS!!

So I am finally getting on the Twilight bandwagon. I just finished the last book yesterday, and it was a very enjoyable story. While my connection to the story was not as, er, VIVID as some I know, I was just as sucked in and wanting to know what happened next.

Everyone knows that this is not now, nor will it ever be, some great classic piece of literature, so I began to wonder what it was that was so very compelling to the female of our species. And it came to me: Edward is the ultimate female fantasy. He's gorgeous, educated and rich, he's strong, and just the right amount of forceful. He's kind, thoughtful, funny and a gentleman. Apparently he's no slouch in the sack, and what woman doesn't flutter just a bit at the idea of having someone love you so completely that he would literally rather die that remain on an earth that didn't have you on it anymore?! And I defy you to come up with an emotionally functional woman who's never had the fantasy of having the hottest guy in the world fall completely, irrevocably, passionately, and adoringly in love with her, never to look at another woman again.

And what woman can't identify with some part of Bella? Bella,who does not see herself as she actually is, but sells herself far short in most respects. Her story is every woman's fantasy in a lot of ways, too. She has a husband and a child, and while her pregnancy may have been hellish, it was, what, 3 weeks long?! No one who has been through that last month of pregnancy hasn't had that fantasy. THEN, she becomes immortal at the age of nearly nineteen and therefore, has no stretch marks! No cellulite! No wrinkes or Botox or plastic surgery in her future! No siree, Bob! I am all over that action!! No hormones or birth control. And parenting!! She'll never deal with the terrible twos or teething or really even puberty. While most of us spend roughly 20 years getting our offspring to the point where they won't totally blow it, she's got seven! She doesn't even have to worry about if her daughter will meet a nice guy. Then she gets to have a centuries-long honeymoon with her hot-beyond-belief husband, who is hot ONLY for her.

Gimme summa dat!

Honestly. How Compilicated Can it Be? Really.

2009-01-08T11:02:00.000-08:00

I got this e-mail from my grandpa. He sends me the coolest stuff.

A Modern Parable.

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford Motor) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were st eering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.

The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India .

Sadly, the End.

Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages.

TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US The last quarter's results:

TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.

Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses...

IF THIS WEREN'T SO TRUE IT MIGHT BE FUNNY

Creative Ads

2008-12-01T18:07:00.000-08:00

So I was on a jaunt through the internet when fancy struck me. I've been taking this marketing class and so I decided to try to find some fun ads. The amount of creativity out there is truly amazing, I tell you! Look at some of these! I admit I was on something of a Message Binge, but it's cool just the same. It's easier not to feel preached to when it's cool, right?

I don't know about any of you, and apologies to any of you smokers who may be offended by these, but I thought these were pretty dang effective.

These are actually from a job-finding service in Germany. How clever is that?! I particularly shudder at the laundromat one.

These are a couple that just break my heart. The Unicef one makes me want to just go out and adopt!

This just makes me itch to wash my hands as soon as possible.....

And the rest are just random cleverness....

But, seriously, wouldn't you LOVE to be that creative?! What about you, bloggers? Have any ads that particularly speak to you?

An Excellent Question.......

2008-11-12T08:49:00.000-08:00

My friend Katie sent me this e-mail. Too funny!

A Letter to the Bank

Dear Sirs,

In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me correctly:

If one of my checks is returned marked "insufficient funds," how do I know whether that refers to me or to you?

Can I get an Amen?!

Not to nitpick.....

2008-11-11T00:37:00.000-08:00

No, really. Honestly! This would be hysterical regardless of who won!

I Grieve

2008-11-06T09:13:00.000-08:00

I debated long and hard before deciding to post this. After all, what's done is done. No use crying over spilt milk and all that. We should just accept our new reality and move on. And I will.

But permit me to grieve.

There is a new president. And it's a truly historic moment. We finally managed to prove to the world that we're not a nation of white supremacist pigs. Good for us.

You all know my political leanings by now, I'm sure. So it will come as no surprise to you to know that I did not vote for the man who is now the leader of our great nation. What saddens me is how many did vote for him. It might not be so bad if I thought they had voted for him because they understood what he represents. Well, yes it would. It would just be a different kind of bad. But the staggering amount of ignorance of political philosophy that has been displayed by 2/3 of my fellow citizens is making me pretty gut sick.

For those of you who need a refresher, ~~Osama~~ Obama is a socialist. This means that he thinks the government is responsible FOR the people, not TO them. This is one of those fundamental differences he's always on about. Practically speaking, this translates into a government entity that is larger and slower, less efficient and more intrusive than it already is. Socialism is all about everyone having the same amount of resources. That sounds very pretty, doesn't it? But the reality is less so. They accomplish this by what they call a "redistribution of wealth". Pardon me, but that is just politically correct terminology for theft. Any mugger on the street can claim to be redistributing income. At least the mugger is more honest about it, and doesn't pretend to be doing it for the greater good.

I grieve that 2/3 of America can't seem to tell the difference.

I read this quote today:

"As you know, whenever Democrats get in, taxes do go up. And if they go up and they work the way that Bill Clinton's tax plan worked, I'm okay with that. ... We want everybody to be able to go to the doctor. We want everybody to be able to do all the things they want to do -- then somebody's got to pay for it, and it's people making a lot of dough, and that's the way the American system has always been." --Whoopi Goldberg

I think I actually threw up a little in my mouth when I read this. For the record, that is NOT the way the American system has always been. It's only been that way for the past 40 years or so. The American system was founded on the belief that every person could and should do for themselves. That people led happier, more fulfilled lives when the direction of those lives was up to them, with the resources that they earned being distributed according to their own desires. We do want everyone to be able to do all the things they want to do. But we want them to pay for it for themselves!

When I hear people saying that the rich ought to pay for the needs of those with less, I have to say that they do. They create jobs for them. But our liberal friends do not consider that to be adequate, apparently. They seem to feel that if you are rich, you OWE something to those who aren't. What is it that our delightful first lady in waiting is always saying? THAT IN ORDER FOR SOME TO HAVE MORE OF THE PIE, OTHERS HAVE TO BE MADE TO GIVE UP SOME OF THEIRS. It may not be a direct quote, but the philosophy is there. What the illustrious Obamas fail to recognize is that this is America. We make more pie. There isn't just one to go around. Everybody makes their own, and yes, with varying degrees of success. Wealth is not a static quantity here. America was the first country to create the phrase "to MAKE money". And we mean it quite literally. We create wealth in this country.

I grieve that we have lost sight of this knowledge.

There is a word for the ~~prisoners~~ citizens of a socialist country.That word is PARASITE. Those who take by force what they cannot produce and cannot sustain from those who can. The goal of our glorious new leader is to make us a nation of parasites. Except the wealthy, of course, because they're the hosts. That's the grand aim of socialism. Everyone has the same, eventually. We'll all have nothing. Socialism is the harbinger of doom for wealth. Its basic tenet is "From each according to his ability. To each according to his need." How smart do you have to be before you figure out that there's no such thing as being successful under a socialist regime? Where's the incentive to earn any money or to try to get ahead, when the governement is just going to take whatever you earn and give it to someone else because they "need" it more that you do? Socailism is not sustainable. I find it bitterly ironic that America's first black president is the man who wants to lead us BACK into slavery. Because that's what the result of socialism is. The people become the slaves of the government.

Everyone is cheering as though this was a great victory for freedom, even as he slips the chains around our necks. They act as though the principles of socialism will yield the results of capitalism. This is foolishness bordering on insanity. It's like sticking your hand in a fire and expecting it to tickle.

I grieve that the people of this country are so uneducated.

They have handed control of the greatest nation on earth to a man who hates it. His words. He has no respect for this country, or anything it stands for. He has openly stated that if the political winds turn ugly, he will side with America's enemies. He wants to attack or abandon our allies, welcome our enemies and destroy us from the inside out. His closest friends and mentors are known criminals, vicious, hate-spewing racists, and unrepentant terrorists. But because he can dress it up with pretty words, (and because he's black and any attempt to point out character flaws in a black person MUST be racially motivated)we hand him the keys to the city.

I grieve.

But grief is hardening into resolve. He can't have my country without a fight. He may have been handed the office of President of the United States, but he is unworthy of it. And I do not acknowledge him as MY president. He is THE President. For now.

Exercising Advice

2008-10-31T19:56:00.000-07:00

1. For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.

2. The only reason I took up jogging was to hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spending $500 in the process. I haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.*snort* What's up with that?!

4. I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

5. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

6. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier.

7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. If you are going to take up cross-country skiing, it helps to start with a small country. Say, Vatican City.

9. I don't jog; it makes me spill my milk shake.

10. Actually, I don't exercise at all. If we were meant to touch our toes, we would have them farther up on our bodies.

Sad News

2008-10-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is
worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went
unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Pokey'
died peacefully at the age of 93*. The most traumatic part for his family was
getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble
started.

Shut up. You know it's funny.

*Note: I have no idea if the guy is really dead or not.

Would the Real Mama Please Stand Up?

2008-10-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine e-mailed this to me, and danged if I didn't stand up and cheer. I'm sure there are those who would insist that there was no need to embarrass the child, but honestly! He stole something! He should be embarrassed. That is one awesome Mama. Kudos from the Sisterhood, woman! You're doin' great!

Can't you just picture it?

Oh, look. There's a young man with a sign by the side of the road. I wonder if it's a car...wash....?

Did that say what I thought it said?! Yes! It did!!!

*snerk* Oh, man! He does not look happy. Neither does his mom. Hooooooooo!! You go, Mom!!!

In Memory of Summer

2008-10-05T20:53:00.001-07:00

Well, here I am again. The weather is beginning to turn cold in fits and starts. The days are getting shorter and people are getting back to the serious business of life, more's the pity. But I have preserved my summer in bits and pieces, from the sunsets and rainbows, to my work environment that's bound to have you sighing in envy or at least nostalgia. So, I now ~~force them on you~~ share them with you.

My home is situated in exactly the right place for Rainbow Watching. When it rains and the sun comes out, we are almost invariably treated to the whole arch, not just a halfbow.

We are also often thrilled with a double.

These are probably a couple of my faves, though.

I hope I never take rainbows for granted.

Now for my job. As a student, I am blessed to be able to have rather childlike summers. I still work, of course, but my job is a lot of fun. I work at my local Aquatic Center (aka The Pool). Here's the back of my shirt. (Which was incredibly unflattering to my short, corpulent form, and which I ditched as quickly as possible.)

But the view more than made up for the unfortunate fashion choices........

But, the best part of this job is that it lets me spend time with my kids......

.......something I hope none of us will take for granted.

What are they THINKING?!

2008-10-03T08:33:00.001-07:00

I think it's abundantly clear that governement has gotten entirely too greedy. Congress is now ADDING $150 BILLION of pork to this "Rescue Package" for the economy. They are bribing themselves to get this thing through. And it was a bad idea to begin with!! The market doesn't need to be bailed out. This is just business, and the government DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE A HEAD FOR BUSINESS. IF they want to help, they should pass laws that say executives who are found to be engaging in illegal activities forfeit their severance packages. And then they go to jail! THAT'S what their job is. NOT feeding money into this. That will only screw things up more.

Here is a quick look into 3 former Fannie Mae executives who have brought down Wall Street.

Franklin Raines was a Chairman and Chief Executive Officer at Fannie Mae. Raines was forced to retire from his position with Fannie Mae when auditing discovered severe irregulaties in Fannie Mae's accounting activities. At the time of his departure The Wall Street Journal noted, " Raines, who long defended the company's accounting despite mounting evidence that it wasn't proper, issued a statement late Tuesday conceding that "mistakes were made" an d saying he would assume responsibility as he had earlier promised. News reports indicate the company was under growing pressure from regulators to shake up its management in the wake of findings that the company's books ran afoul of generally accepted accounting principles for four years." Fannie Mae had to reduce its surplus by $9 billion.

Raines left with a "golden parachute valued at $240 Million in benefits. The Government filed suit against Raines when the depth of the accounting scandal became clear. http://housingdoom.com/2006/12/18/fannie-charges/ . The Government noted, "The 101 charges reveal how the individuals improperly manipulated earnings to maximize their bonuses, while knowingly neglecting accounting systems and internal controls, misapplying over twenty accounting principles and misleading the regulator and the public. The Notice explains how they submitted six years of misleading and inaccurate accounting statements and inaccurate capital reports that en abled them to grow Fannie Mae in an unsafe and unsound manner." These charges were made in 2006. The Court ordered Raines to return $50 Million Dollars he received in bonuses based on the miss-stated Fannie Mae profits.

Tim Howard - Was the Chief Financial Officer of Fannie Mae. Howard "was a strong internal proponent of using accounting strategies that would ensure a "stable pattern of earnings" at Fannie. In everyday English - he was cooking the books. The Government Investigation determined that, "Chief Financial Officer, Tim Howard, failed to provide adequate oversight to key control and reporting functions within Fannie Mae,"

On June 16, 2006, Rep. Richard Baker, R-La., asked the Justice Department to investigate his allegations that two former Fannie Mae executives lied to Congress in October 2004 when they denied manipulating the mortgage-finance giant's income statement to achieve managem ent pay bonuses. Investigations by federal regulators and the company's board of directors since concluded that management did manipulate 1998 earnings to trigger bonuses. Raines and Howard resigned under pressure in late 2004.

Howard's Golden Parachute was estimated at $20 Million!

Jim Johnson - A former executive at Lehman Brothers and who was later forced from his position as Fannie Mae CEO. A look at the Office of Federal Housing Enterprise Oversight's May 2006 report on mismanagement and corruption inside Fannie Mae, and you'll see some interesting things about Johnson. Investigators found that Fannie Mae had hidden a substantial amount of Johnson's 1998 compensation from the public, reporting that it was between $6 million and $7 million when it fact it was $21 million." Johnson is currently under investigation for taking illegal loans from Countrywide while serving as CEO of Fannie Mae.
Johnson's Golden Parachute was estimated at $28 Million.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Change We Can Believe In

FRANKLIN RAINES? Raines works for the Obama Campaign as Chief Economic Advisor

TIM HOWARD? Howard is also a Chief Economic Advisor to Obama

JIM JOHNSON? Johnson hired as a Senior Obama Finance Advisor and was selected to run Obama's Vice Presidential Search Committee

IF OBAMA PLANS ON CLEANING UP THE MESS - HIS ADVISORS HAVE THE EXPERTISE - THEY MADE THE MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE. Would you trust the men who tore Wall Street down to build the New Wall Street?

I'd Rather Be Rich

2008-09-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

Who says you can't be filthy, stinking nice and rich at the same time?

I have decided to become rich. From now on, when I make a major decision (and probably some of the smaller ones) I will be asking myself, "Is this how rich people live?"

To this end, I have begun with my house. I cleaned. And I don't mean, ' I ran a duster over the surfaces, picked up the stuff from the floor and ran the dishwasher.' No. I SHOVELLED out my house. You think I'm exaggerating? I'm on a public computer, so I can't put on pictures. but let's just say that if I had an allergy to dust, I'd be hospitalized right now. In fact if my house were a person this would be the before picture:

and this would be the after:

I have never subscribed to the theory that money is the root of all evil. I think that's total bull-pucky. I'm not even sure I totally buy the notion that the love of money is the root of all evil. I think the root of all evil is the demand to be given that which you have not earned. Really think about that for a moment. Love, honor, respect, wealth, accolade, position, power.....all of these things require you to BECOME something greater. So I am have decided to undertake the process of that becoming. Anybody wanna join me?

Remember.....

2008-09-02T17:15:00.000-07:00

While we all may have different ways of remembering, let us ALWAYS remember.....

Our rights are our rights because someone fought for them, died for them. They continue to be our rights for the same reason. Don't render those sacrifices worthless by giving them away in the face of fear or difficulty. Do not make the mistake of thinking they will always be yours if you are unwilling to live by the principles in which they are grounded.

God Bless America!

A Moment of Silence, Please.....

2008-08-14T17:32:00.000-07:00

London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense

'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old
friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth
records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable
lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why
the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair;
and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable
strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when
well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in
place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from
school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired
for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his
condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked
teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed
to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to
get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin
to a student; but could not inform parents when a student
became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches
became businesses; and criminals received better treatment
than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own
home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a
woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was
hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly
awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents,
Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter,
Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his
4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone
Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized
he was gone.

Pandora's Box

2008-08-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

Well, as usual, I am on the dull edge of what's hip and happening. I have recently discovered Pandora. I LOVE this thing! I'm not a radio fan any more. Mostly because I don't wanna have to listen to all the stupid songs just for the few golden ones, nor do I wish to be bombarded with the same 5 songs over the course of three hours. That can seriously damage a person's mental health, and I think we all know that I can't afford to be going around DELIBERATELY damaging what is already so very fragile. So when I find a site that lets me choose what kind of music I like, name the station, and listen to similar kinds of music (with the opportunity to say yes, I like this,play more like this, or no, I don't, don't play this again), I'm a very happy camper.

So head on over if you aren't already there.

I hate technology

2008-07-29T13:37:00.001-07:00

Hello, all. Yes, it's me. Back from the black hole. Or at least temporarily ransomed from the black hole. My computer's one and only hard drive has died. Hmmmm....then how is it you are able to communicate with us, I hear you ask. I am on the computer at my place of temporary employment, that's how. My children are going through withdrawal. My youngest is practically in tears over the precarious fate of her Neopets. They could starve!

So now I get to pay $70 to try to have my music, videos and pictures ghosted off of the now-useless pile of silicon. Then I get to save my pennies until I have $300 for a new pile. *sigh* Well, I guess I'll look on the bright side. At least it happened during back to school sales. And really, without the Internet to suck us all in, we've spent some great quality time together. So I think I'll let my kids go through their withdrawal so they can see that life without a computer is not the end of the world. And it's not a bad lesson for me, either.

Blogthings, how I love thee!

2008-07-09T16:50:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you recall, those of you who've been around since my bloggy-birth (which would be all two of you), but I did a post in the early days about Blogthings. I am obsessed with them. They're alternately insightful, interesting, and just plain bizarre. Sometimes, you just want to say "What the Fifi?! Where did they get that?!" And other times you just sit there with your jaw in your lap 'cause they nailed you. Most of the time it's a mix. So here are...well...A LOT of ones I've done recently, and my take on them. (Oh, come on! You didn't seriously think I'd have nothing to say? It's ME!) And sadly, it is but a fraction of my wasted time that I present to you. Don't judge me!

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people around

Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want

You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.

When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back

Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!

You live life to the fullest - incorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

I've never really considered myself to be type-A. But now that I think on it, I am. Down to my blood type. Scary. But I like to think I'm not obnoxiously type A. (Insert plea to be allowed to keep this illusion for a little while longer. Thank you.)

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is creative and expressive.

With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.

In love, you seem gentle and sensitive.

In stressful situations, you seem cheerful and optimistic.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

Okay, I'm gonna ask all you bloggers out there if you agree with this. I don't think I do detached around my friends and in a stressful situation I alternate between being the comic relief and actually making the problem worse with my panickiness. (Yes, I know that's not a word, but it still fits.)And in love, I suck. Aside from that, it's completely accurate!

Your Fragrance Profile

The best calming fragrance: vanilla

The best fragrance for everyday wear: orange

The best fragrance to boost your sex appeal: lavender

The best fragrance for energy: pine

What's Your Fragrance Profile?

Now, how much fun is this?! I prefer lemon or grapefruit for my daily scent, but it's still in the citrus family. And vanilla does calm me down, if it isn't the sickeningly sweet kind that sits in the back of your throat for hours. And I LOVE pine. It comes right after cedar/sandalwood. And fresh lavender is a thing of beauty. I was glad they didn't stick me with patchouli, 'cause that stuff is NASTY. How'd they KNOW?!

You Should Play the Piano

You are a true music aficionado who loves many musical style and eras.

You find music to be an escape. And you'd like to be relaxed and comfortable when you're making it.

You're very innovative, and you have a unique way of knowing what may sound beautiful.

There's a strong possibility that you could compose some of your own work songs quite easily.

While you have a lot of creative energy, you are also serious and conscientious.

Your musical talent needs time, practice, and lots of privacy to flourish.

Your dominant personality characteristic: your painstaking attention to detail

Your secondary personality characteristic: your natural tendency to be whimsical

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

Well, how 'bout that? As it happens I am currently learning to play the piano! It is the instrument I am most drawn to and always has been. How about y'all? What instrument plays your soul strings?

Your EQ is 160

Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

Seriously though, your whole "Don't Worry, Be Happy" philosophy is really what defines emotional intelligence.

You're warm, open, and very optimistic. You know how to act appropriately, even if you don't feel like it.

You are a good communicator, and you have little difficulty with personal relationships - even when you're dealing with difficult people.

In general, you are successful, capable, together person. You get what you want out of life.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

I do consider myself to have a high emotional IQ (thanks, Mom!) in that I know what I should do in a given situation. This does not, however, consistently translate into action. Still workin' on that one. For most of my personal relationships, it's true, I don't have difficulty. The major exception being romantic relationships. Those I bomb out on regularly.

Your Rising Sign is Libra

A total charmer, it's hard for people to say no to you.

Irresistible and attractive, you have no shortage of love interests.

Totally competitive, you tend to thrive in stressful environments.

A peaceful soul, you avoid conflict at almost all costs.

Sometimes you try too hard to please those around you.

But you have a great inner strength that helps you bounce back easily.

What's Your Rising Sign?

This one was actually quite accurate. I just want to know one thing: What the heck is a rising sign?! Is it the opposite of a sinking sign? What exactly am I supposed to do with this information and how does it fit with the normal birthday sign? All you astrologically gifted people need to fill me in here. I'd also like to note that my abounding love interests are also INVISIBLE.

Your IQ Is 110

Your Logical Intelligence is Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius

Your General Knowledge is Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Awwwww...I feel so SMART right now! Suddenly, I'm quite sure I'll do just fine in school this fall!

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary.

People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

I LOVE Chinese food, so I'm totally okay (and dare I say, flattered) with this comparison. But I have to say, I have heard several people say that when they have Chinese they are hungry an hour later. I do not have this problem. When I'm full, I'm full and it usually stays that way for a while. Must be my personal space needs showing.

What the House Test Says About You

You are happy with who you are, and you don't have an inflated sense of self importance. You do your own thing quietly. You don't take up a lot of space.

You can't stand community oriented people and annoying "buy local" campaigns. You prefer to live the best life possible, and that doesn't really involve many other people.

You are a social, friendly, and giving person. You like to bring people together and make them feel happy.

You take good care of your physical appearance. You dress well, stay in shape, and do your best to look great.

You are moved by the most simple of things. You can find pleasure from a small, perfect moment.

The House Test

This was just fun! Though I nearly snort-laughed a beverage when I read that I like to stay in shape. HA! Only if round is a shape. What does the house test say about you?

You Should Live in a Small City

You are definitely an urban person, but not any old city will do.

You want a city that matches you well. For you, big cities lack individuality.

You prefer a smaller city with lots of personality, local culture, and history.

Where Should You Live?

Also incredibly accurate. I am a small town girl, through and through.

People Definitely Like You

You are very well liked, and many people admire you.

You are friendly, well mannered, and fun to be around.

Of course, you're not perfect... but that's okay.

Your friends are usually willing to accept you for who you are!

What People Don't Like About You:

People don't like that you forget them easily. No one wants to be friends with someone who doesn't remember their name!

What People Like About You:

People like that you truly take and interest in them. Everyone likes to be liked!

People like that you're interesting and intriguing. You always have something interesting to say.

People like that you are genuine and real. They can count on you to be yourself.

Do People Like You?

Hey, thanks guys! I'm blushing, even though I can't remember your names.......

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Ready to love and be loved....just not ready to get married.....Works for me! Know any hot LDS guys who are willing to date for the next 5 years?

Your Personality at 35,000 Says...

Deep down, you vastly prefer being with others to being alone. You love to engage people in conversation.

You are good with your place in the world. You are confident and comfortable with who you are.

Your gift is having a way with words. You know how to express yourself well.

You are inspired by freedom. Whenever you are able to do what you want, good things happen.

You are happy as long as you are given some personal space. It's important for you to have your own private life.

The Personality Test at 35,000 Feet

Yeah, this one was actually freakishly accurate, given that it was only five questions long.....And I have no idea how altitude affects anything, but hey...

What Charity Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Wow! Who knew a name could say so much?! Even if it isn't all that accurate in some ways. If you know me, rebel is probably the last word you would use to describe me, though I am impetuous, impulsive and restless in a lot of ways. I wouldn't say I am MOST comfortable away from home, but I am completely comfortable away from home, perhaps in a way that most people aren't. Also, I am not the best at everything....but I really, REALLY want to be. Everything else is pretty dang close. So, what does YOUR name mean? I wanna know! Tell me, tell me, tell me!!

Okay, so I have now indulged in a completely narcissistic post. Now I want you all to go forth and find out about yourselves, and let me know. I promise, you'll be hooked in no time. (And I will no longer be alone in my addiction.) Embrace the world of Blogthings!

America the Beautiful

2008-07-06T14:00:00.000-07:00

"A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle and patriotism is loyalty to that principle."
George William Curtis

I'm fed up. I know that in today's climate of rabid political correctness, it is supposed to be unseemly to be proud of America. As though my pride in my country is somehow a condemnation of someone else's. I have decided that those who think that way are wrong. I've had it. I'm tired of being expected to feel like I'm personally responsible for all the bad things that ever happened in the history of my nation. I utterly reject the notion that I should be ashamed of my country, of its actions or of its philosophies or of its history. I'm not. I am very proud of this country, and I am proud to be called an American. It is the greatest nation on the face of the earth. It is the longest running, most successful democracy in the history of the world. It was founded on Christian principles, and built by good and honorable men. I am not ashamed. It offers more freedom and opportunity to more people from more walks of life than any other, and is the birthplace of the self-made man as a breed, rather than an anomoly. I am not ashamed. We have fought many wars, but none in conquest. We have claimed NO LAND, but that in which to bury the dead who fell there. We have been fierce warriors and generous victors. Half the world owes its present affluence and stability to us. I am not ashamed. My love of my country and my fierce loyalty to it are not character flaws. Pity the country whose citizens regard her with shame for she will not long stand.

"Patriotism is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime."
Adlai E. Stevenson

It's not that I feel like people shouldn't be allowed to criticize the government. On the contrary, that is our Costitutional right and civic duty. I just think people need to learn to state their opinions respectfully. I know there are plenty of people out there who don't agree with me, but there are plenty of people who do, and we need to start making ourselves known.

I was asked a couple of questions recently and I'm going to share my answers. Be forewarned that I have not gentled them.

Should the war in Iraq be called off?
I find the assumption behind this question to be the real problem. Call it off?! Like it's all in our hands? Like we don't have an enemy who's going to continue to harm us regardless of whether we're fighting back or not? This is the question of someone who's never really had to fight for anything, and thus has no appreciation for or, indeed, any understanding of what a loss would mean. We stay. We fight. We finish. Or we die. It really is that simple. This is a matter of live or die because that's how our enemy is playing it. They have dictated those terms. Their goal is our complete annihilation. THEY WANT US DEAD. There is no middle groud between dead and not dead, so compromise is not really an option. Bush has a lot of flaws, but I am beyond grateful that seeing this war for what it is is not among them.

"The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
John Stuart Mill

Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
I would not. Unlike many of my contemporaries, I do not relegate the flag to the category of a meaningless scrap of fabric. It isn't. It is a symbol of everything America and her people have gone through to give you the freedoms you take for granted. I owe my respect to that symbol. The flag represents every person who ever died for this country and the principles and honor that made that sacrifice worth it to them, and it infuriates me to no end to see people in my own country who are so contemptuous of those sacrifices. When you spit on it, or burn it,or walk on it, or hang it upside down in protest, you are doing the same to those great people and you are unworthy of being called an American.

As a sort of answer to my friend Beth's assertion that Americans think we're something special because we won independence, I'd like to ask why we should pretend our independence isn't as worthy of celebrating as anyone else's? It's true, we don't celebrate the independence days of other countries, and in many cases aren't even particularly aware of them. But by that same token, we don't expect them to be aware and celebrate ours, either.

I leave you with this:

You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away men's initiative and independence.
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.

Abraham Lincoln

Our country is based on these basic principles. It's time to get back to them.

My Totem Animal

2008-06-17T10:28:00.000-07:00

So I was doing a MySpace survey (I know. Big shocker, eh?) and the question I came to asked what my totem animal was. Well, I had no earthly clue, so I did what I always do when I have no earthly clue: I tried to find out. I Googled. I took the quiz below, and these are the results it gave me.

Which animal totem best suits you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Dragon

You are the Dragon. You store a lot of knowledge about everything. You are generally one who is good with personal growth and can regenerate yourself after a bad experience.

Bear

92%

Dragon

92%

Eagle

75%

Crow

75%

Bull

75%

Stag

75%

Salmon

75%

Fox

67%

Wolf

67%

Dog

50%

Deer

50%

Horse

42%

Snake

33%

Ram

33%

How cool is that?! A dragon! Unfortunately, that's all it gave me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all these other animals, or even what the dominant ones mean. So, naturally, I had to look that up, too.

BEAR

Caution, Healing, Leadership

The power of the Bear totem
is the power of introspection.
The answers to all our questions
lie within us.
Each of us has the capacity to quiet the mind,
enter the silence and know.

Just as the bear hibernates during the winter,
people with a Bear totem will be quieter
during the winter months. But they
must awaken in the spring and seek
whatever opportunities are around them.

When you have a Bear totem,
you are being guided to a leadership role.
You must be fearless in defending your beliefs.

The Bear also encourages you to exercise
your abilities as a natural healer.

Bears are associated with trees which are natural antennas, linking the heavens and the Earth.
Bear also has links to the seven color rays of the Universal Light
as well as Lunar ties, linking the subconscious and the unconscious mind.
It is associated with the Goddess Artemis.

DRAGON

Protection, Elemental Magic
Powers of Change and Transformation

Dragon represents the supernatural, infinity itself and the spiritual powers of change and transformation. It is a fierce protector and adds extra power to any magic you may perform.

Fire Dragon
Transmutation, Mastery, Energy

This powerful totem brings vitality, enthusiasm and courage.
He will help you over obstacles
and give you qualities of leadership and mastery.
He can fuel your inner fires.
He can be a powerful protector.

Air Dragon
Inspiration, Insight, Vitality

This totem must be treated with great respect.
Great flashes of illumination in intellect and psyche
are possible with this totem.
The air dragon brings insight and clarity to all problems.
Trust your inner voice.

Earth Dragon
Power, Potential, Riches

This totem shows us our potential, our riches: what we are capable of.
With his help, we can discover the beauty and power that lies in all of us.
He lives deep within the Earth and can help you ground scattered energies.
When you call him, think of a slow moving, heavy Dragon pulling himself toward you.
Feel his weight around you. He will nurture you as Mother Earth does.

Water Dragon
Passion, Depth, Connection

A water dragon totem brings memories and wishes,
perhaps long hidden, to the surface.
By facing painful past experiences,
we can achieve a sense of peace and balance in our lives.
This totem gives us the courage and compassion
in this challenge.

Gee, this dragon thing is looking cooler and cooler! If you can be all elements at once. Or at least each element when needed. I'm cool. I am Dragon. HEAR ME ROAR!!!

Did You Know This?!

2008-06-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

And, once again, the government mucks around where it's neither wanted nor needed. Somebody tranquilize these people. Or better yet, get them in therapy for their delusions of grandeur.

Somebody needs to hold a lightbulb over their heads......

Hidden Treasures

2008-06-16T00:03:00.001-07:00

I find odd things. There is a large amount of information out there and, frankly, no possible way to assimilate it all. But the sifting sure can be fun. Here are some of the snickers I have found lately.

Now, it may be that the Goth movement is meant to project a dark and fearsome beauty, but this....person...of indiscriminate gender....has not made any forward strides for any movement. Not even the literal kind.

Oh, I know we all have stories that would go beautifully with this sentiment. Myself, I just try not to think about how much it applies to me.

I thought this was a hilariously accurate description of atheism. A pardon to all you atheists out there, but if I have to have a sense of humor about my religion, so do you.

People scare me sometimes Really.

Definitely a sign that Carpal Tunnel is in your future.

Now, honestly, who can't use a little of this attitude?!

And last but not least, I leave you with.....

A shot at the gold, and hoping you're not going for the silver!

Pomp and Smurfin' Stance

2008-06-11T19:35:00.000-07:00

Ah, graduation. That time of year when all the upper class (in school, that is) get to ~~soak all their relatives for cash~~ bask in the glory of ~~freedom~~ a job well done. Technically speaking, I have reached that place. I will graduate with my AA sometime next week. There will be no ceremony. I'll get my diploma in the mail(as requested). Why is this, you ask? Because I still have two more years left. Mine is but a transfer degree, though I am excited to be moving on to the next step.

I've always liked school. I like learning. But I hate, hate, HATED high school. The education was mediocre and not enough to balance the crappy social games, at which I sucked, then and now. That's one reason I'm so glad to be going to college when I'm just a tad older. I'm outside the stupid social games. Peer pressure is more likely to involve a competition over the highest grade than a competition over who can consume the most alcohol without a trip to the restroom, ER or morgue. Priorities, right?

I have never had a graduation ceremony. I graduated a year early from high school, and due to a slightly odd set of circumstances, well that's just how it worked out. I'm not complaining. I kind of like it that way, actually. It just seems like a whole lot of expensive fuss for not much. I'm still debating whether I'm going to do the whole Cap and Gown route when I actually graduate with a Bachelor's.... in something. Right now, I'm leaning away from it. I don't want to pay $50 for a tank of gas to get there, pay for a cap and gown, sit in stultified air for several hours listening to people I don't know talk about how the future is out there just waiting for total domination by the current graduating class. This does not inspire any kind of positive passion in me. If I ever get a Master's, you can bet that I'll be taking that walk. But probably not just for this.

Besides, all this is just a lead-up to the really exciting news. After my last final (8:00 Thursday morning) it will officially be summer vacation for me! Woohoooooo!!!!
I cannot tell you how ready I am for this. My brain alternates among three options. 1)Leaking out my ears, 2) Being sucked down my spinal cord, and 3) simply freezing. Did you know there is no reboot button for the human brain. Yeah. I've looked. Not there! But there is a reboot process, and it is known as Summer Vacation. Well, I am ready.

Reboot me!

Election Year Therapy

2008-06-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

It's that time again. That time when we begin to avoid all media outlets like the plague for they will soon be bombarding us with that stomach-clenching, molar-snapping, apoplexy-inducing soundbite known as The Political Ad.

Here it comes. That 30-second bid for your vote. It all starts out innocently enough. Vote for Me. I'm the best Guy for the Job! The other guy is a good person, but he just "doesn't get it".

But it never stays that way, does it?

In no time at all, it becomes politely vicious. And as all of you know, polite viciousness is the worst kind. Now, not only is he the Best Guy for the Job, suddenly his opponent is Satan's henchman, who is planning to lead us all into the Seventh Circle of Hell with a gleeful look on his face as he flings our tax dollars into burning pits of fire and brimstone along the way.

Now we enter the time when you take your life into your hands by asking "So, who are you gonna vote for?" Every four years we endure this trauma.

I wish it could just be.....respectful. I know there are a multitude of differing opinions out there. I know there are lots of different ways to handle things. I just don't think it's impossible to be respectful of someone else's point of view. Or even to acknowledge it's strengths without moving you from your own convictions. I'd like the politicians to figure out that all they need to do is let their record speak for itself. Specific questions usually get answered in debates. Character assassination isn't an endearing trait.

So I'm just gonna pre-pay my therapist for all the anger management sessions I'll be taking. I will research voting records, and watch officially sanctioned debates and that's it! Then I will vote for the candidate whose basic principles most closely align with my own. And I will be voting. That's a freedom I have no intention of taking for granted.

Crazy 8's

2008-05-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

I feel incredibly flattered right now. Marni and Claudia have tagged me for a Meme. I love this stuff. SO much fun. Even though I don't really know what a Meme is or even how to pronounce it, I can throw myself whole-heartedly into this.

Eight Things for Which I Have a Passion:
This is, frankly, a life-long pursuit. I'm not sure I have a passion for eight things, but I'll wrack my brains and present you with the results.

1) I have a passion for being joyfully alive. I know that sounds incredibly generic and cop-outish, but it's true. I love the feeling of a deep breath, how I take the air in until my lungs sting from the stretch, and how the smell of the air always makes my heart feel a little fuller than it was a moment ago. I love how the feel of the wind on my skin and the sun on my head makes me grin like a drooling idiot. I love the sounds of traffic and kids screaming in their yards and parents laughing together and the smell of dinners cooking makes me feel. The energy of life is incredibly buoyant. Sometimes the joy of it makes me feel like I'm about to levitate.

2) I adore stories. In their myriad forms, I crave them. Movies, books, music, people; they're all just stories waiting for someone to love them. And I do.

3) I have a passion for learning. Most of the things I aspire to do directly involve learning. Languages, musical instruments, singing, dancing, cultures, painting, sculpture, business, travel; I just want to know EVERYTHING.

4) I passionately adore language, most particularly English. I have mentioned once or twice that talking is my favorite past time, and the fact that I will do it even when no one else is around. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I talk to myself all the time. I love the process of finding out and saying exactly what I mean. I highly recommend this process to everyone. You don't know what something sounds like until you've said it out loud. Then you may find yourself thinking, "Hm. That's not exactly right. What's a better word for that?" It's an amazing thing to find out exactly what you mean by finding the exact right words to say it.

5) Food. But not just eating it. I like to play with it. I like to cook, bake, saute, fry and fricassee. I'll eat almost any kind of food with my hands (with the obvious liquid exceptions). The smells, the tastes, the textures, even the sounds associated with food prep makes me a little giddy.

6) My faith. I don't really think of myself as zealous or freakishly devoted, but my religion is the foundation of who I am. I love understanding the nature of God, and my place in the the grand (and not so grand) scheme of things. I love that the questions of who I am, where I came from, why I'm here, where I'm going and how to get there are all answered. I love that everything is my choice. I love that it doesn't conflict with logic or science, and that I'm expected to be thoughtful and active in both mind and body. I love knowing that my children will be mine long after we've all passed the portals of death, and that I will be a part of my family for all eternity. I love knowing how loved I am, that I will never be really alone, and that, no matter how small I am compared to the universe, I am completely unique and irreplaceable.

7) Music!! Music is such a power. It doesn't even need words. Words are a power in themselves, but they are only enhanced by music. It's like a direct line into emotion. So far, in my humble opinion, the power of music has been vastly untapped.

8) I am developing a passion for looking good. All the hair and make-up stuff that I refused to compete with my sister over lo, those many years ago, I am now taking an interest in. I don't think I'll ever be haute couture, but I see no reason why I shouldn't work up to my hotness factor. I'm hoping I'll know when I've reached it.

Eight Things I'd Like to do Before I Die:
I'm not sure I can restrict myself to a mere eight, but I shall endeavor--

1) I want to see the world. Travelling is a big dream of mine. If you want to know details, I will direct you to a previous post(go directly to the D answer) entry in which I spelled out, ad infinitum, the things I want to do.

2) I want to be un-fat. Not necessarily skinny, but just not fat. I want to not sit in my own lap. I want my arms to look like arms, not something that belongs on a meat hook in a butcher's freezer. I want to be able to buy Ann Taylor off the rack. Is that too much to ask?

3) Whale watching and swimming with the dolphins. I hear both can be life-changing experiences.

4) Become a Master gardener. I would love to have the know-how to create a verdant wonderland. *sigh* With my own raspberry bushes and peach trees.

5) See what my kids decide to be when they grow up. Seriously, I'm terribly excited to see what they do with themselves.

6) Hang-gliding. I think this is a much better sense of flight than skydiving. I don't like adrenaline. I like the more peaceful sensations.

7) Sail around the world. But only if they come up with a permanent cure for motion sickness, and the captain of the luxury yacht is hot.

8) Find my inner Warren Buffet and get stinking rich.

Eight Things I Say a Lot:
1) Cool
2) Right on
3) Who knew?
4) It's true, LeFou!
5) Apparently...
6) Curses!
7) Nuh-uh!
8) Who is this LeFou person you keep referring to?

Eight Books I Have Read Recently:
In the interests of interest, I'm going to just say some of my favorite books, because pretty much all I've read lately are textbooks, and I don't want people falling asleep on their keyboards. Trust me, it's hard to get the drool out from between the keys.
1) Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand. Fascinating premise, fantastic philosophies.
2) Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen. Who doesn't love this story?
3) Anthem, Ayn Rand. What? She's really good!
4) The Hungry Girl Cookbook. So many yummy recipes!
5) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I love the innocence and magic of that first story.
6) The Charlie Bone series, Jennie Nimmo. It's a lot like Harry Potter, but enough different to keep things entertaining.
7) Eragon, Eldest and Brsinger, Christopher Paolini. These are awesome books, and the movie SO didn't do it justice.
8) The Leven Thumps books, Obert Skye and Ben Sowards. If you haven't read these, you must. I am anxiously awaiting the paperback release of The Eyes of Want. Squee!

Eight Movies I Have Seen Eight Times:
*snort* If you know me at all, you're going to realize how hard this is to narrow down. I watch movies A LOT.

1) Charley's Aunt (1932)
2) Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
3) Pride and Prejudice (BBC)
4) On a Clear Day
5) Encino Man
6) Jupiter's Darling
7) The Great Race
8) Sleeping Beauty

Eight People Who Should, but are in no way obligated, Do This Meme:

1) Melain
2) Melissa
3) Beth
4) Jihan
5) This is where it becomes
6) Abundantly clear that
7) I don't have enough
8) Friends in the blogging world.

The Only Pets I Have are Peeves

2008-05-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

We all have them. Those ridiculous little things that really aren't a big deal, except that....they are. These are a few of mine in no particular order:

Chewing with your mouth open.

Bad grammar/spelling, and the use of fictional words (used as though they are real words), incorrect usage of words and ....You know, let's just simplify this and say Bad English.

spell

SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!

tenses

have

seated

not

When people speed up to pass you, like they can't stand being behind your slow-pokery for one more second, only to slow down to 10 mph BELOW the speed limit once they get in front of you. I do not understand this behavior. Either you're in a hurry or you're not. 100 yards should not change that! When I pass someone, I pretty much leave them in the dust. I DO NOT SLOW DOWN.

The contention that people do not cause reality, they merely reflect it. Oh, please! The media is particularly guilty of this one, as are many artistic communities. To say that art merely reflects life without influencing it is patently absurd. In fact, I'll call it what it: STUPID. The things you put out into reality have an a effect on it. It's a cycle. To say anything else smacks of a desperate desire to squirm out of responsibility for our part in creating the particular lousiness of any reality. For example, violent movies and games DO encourage violence in reality, because they make a person comfortable with the idea of it. And that is the first step toward becoming comfortable with the reality of it.

When people say reject a solutionbut have no other feasible solutions to offer (i.e., "War is not the answer") . Oh, war sucks, don't get me wrong. But it's not inherently evil and is actually a very effective tool. There are things that are worth dying for. If you have nothing in your life you would die for, you have not sufficiently opened yourself to living. In short, unless you have a well thought out option that has a chance of succeeding in the reality we currently inhabit, then either say you haven't thought it through, or keep it to yourself.

Ruffles on Plus-Sized bathing suits. Now honestly, what is that supposed to accomplish? Yeah, let me add an extra yard of bunched up fabric at my hips! That'll camouflage 'em!

Along this same line, when people dress in clothing that doesn't fit them. I'm sure we've all noticed this trend. Boys wear clothing that they could fit four of themselves into and girls wear stuff that they can fit half of themselves into. I have seen more upper glutes than I ever wanted to. If your body billows out from where your clothes stop, they're too small. Try the next size up. Conversely, if you can't even find a body part in all the yardage, your clothes are too big. I promise you guys, nothing says loser like aguy who looks like he buys his clothes from the Biggest Loser's Before shop.

Okay, that's it for now. I'm really not a raving lunatic. I just have these few little quirks. What about you, bloggers? What are your most treasured annoyances?
complete

A Note from HRM*

2008-05-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

To the citizens of the United States of America and John Monahan, from Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. Look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
------------------------
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). I will also arrange alphabet lessons so you understand that O is not a number and therefore does not replace ZERO - a number.
------------------------
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
-------------------
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.
The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without
suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
---------------------
13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
------ -----------
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen.

*(This is an e-mail I got from my friend Katie. I have no idea who wrote it, but it made me laugh and I wanted to share. I also have no idea who John Monahan is, so if any of you bloggers would care to enlighten me, I'd be much obliged.)

Sqeak-Squeakety Squeak Squeaken

2008-05-20T11:53:00.000-07:00

Ahem. I have been informed in no uncertain terms(cough*Claudia*cough) that I am to update my blog. You see, the unfortunate part lies in the fact that I have nothing to say! So, I hereby announce my first BlogStorm. I need ideas people! Give me something to spark off of! HELP ME!!! Otherwise I fear you will be subjected to tales involving my personal health and all it's little vagaries and woes.

I have been sick for the past 10 days.(Hey, I warned you!) I will not call it anything as mundane or benign as a cold. No. It's been far too mean for that. I have been coughing up lungs, and am even now working on coughing up my spleen. (I am nothing if not ambitious.) The entire left side of my head is plugged, which means my ears, too, and it has done very odd things to my already precarious relationship with gravity. My left arm keeps going icy/numb at the oddest intervals. I think all the coughing has impinged on a nerve. It's a truly disconcerting sensation to feel as though your skin doesn't actually belong on your body anymore. Very disconcerting.

But I am prodigiously proud of myself for several reasons. The first, and most important, is that I showered every single DAY. That's huge. HUGE, I say. And after that, I managed not to fall behind in any of my school work. I have written a memo, started a first draft for my final project in Technical Writing, read about 300 pages of economics materials, written a paper analyzing the causal elements of an argument for my English Comp class, finished 2 weeks of work for my accounting class, written a letter of application and a resume for my technical writing class (Which I am going to use to try to get a real job in accounting with the city. Squee! Fingers crossed!)and all of this I have done in 5-10 minute increments, as the whole inner-ear thing has made uprightness a thing of intense nausea and dizziness. So, five minutes up, 10minutes down, and so on. I can hear your jealousy. Can you see why I'm so proud of my hygiene?!

Ok. Unless you want more Chronicles of Whinia, give me something to work with. Throw me a frickin' bone, here, people!

For the Cause!

2008-05-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

Apparently today is Bloggers Unite for Human Rights Day. I learned this at Blogtations. Who knew such a thing existed? Well, my little bloggity friends, I'm here to do my part.

But first I have a question. What are human rights? What does that even mean? The image that comes to mind in this, the modern age, when the phrase "Human Rights" is invoked, is of a subtle, caustic cocktail of guilt for our plenty, blended with a dash of pity for those who lack said plenty(whether they feel that lack or not).

To me, your rights as a human being are spelled out clearly in our divinely inspired Contitution (and yes, I believe that God had a hand, possibly an entire arm, in that). You have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Meaning:

HOWEVER..... that said, you DO NOT have the right to pursue it at the expense of others' rights. You DO NOT have the right to break the law in your pursuit. You DO NOT have the right to escape the consequences of your choices in said pursuit.

What about having a Bloggers Unite for Human Responsibility Day?

It seems that every time I turn around there is someone trying to feed me that caustic cocktail, and you know what? I just don't swallow it. In response to a couple of the quotations found at Blogtations (and other sites) today:

occur

blowing other people to bloody bits.

victims

idea

Communites

Now this is not to say that I don't feel compassion for the people who are being hunted down like animals and slaughtered just because of their tribal names. I feel sorrow approaching pain for the countless children who are orphaned because of AIDS, genocide and other atrocious and highly preventable things. It breaks my heart to see child starving to death, or murdered by its own parents because it was the wrong gender. It lights a fire in my belly to see women treated as less important than cattle. But they are there and I am here. I donate to charitable organizations. I teach my children to be of service to those around them and offer not judgement, but love. And I pray.

To me, the whole human rights fight boils down to one question: What is the character of mankind, as a whole? There will always be those for whom power, control, domination and cruelty are the greatest ambition. Evil has ever existed, and will ever. And then there will be the rest of us, who stand in our little corners of the world and do daily battle against whatever evil we come across. And as long as each of us does that, the goodness of mankind will triumph.

A Love Letter to My Mommy

2008-05-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

I love you this much!

Dear Mommy,

I wish I were better at words. I wish you knew how proud I am of you, and how much I admire you. You have always been an amazing example of love, strength, honor, and service. You're the smartest person I know. Heavenly Father sure knew what He was doing when He sent me to you. You are an anchor for me in so many ways. As I get older and have a clearer view of life, I realize just how strong and brave and true you have been. It makes me ashamed of my smallness, but it also encourages me to grow and become more. You've been doing that all my life.

You have been my safe place for so long. I don't think I've ever told you how much that has meant to me, or how many times you've gotten me through whatever mess I've embroiled myself in. When I talk to you, you always remind me that, despite my penchant for borrowing trouble and panicking over the absurd, I am a normal person. And you like me. That's the most amzing part. I could kick myself for missing out on all the years when we could have been the kind of friends we are now becoming. It makes my heart smile to see you happy. Maybe someday I'll have that kind of relationship with my kids. I hope so. As for now, when they grumble that I "sound just like Amah", I smile and think. "Great! I'm doing something right!"

Everything I hold dear in my life I have because you either gave it to me, helped me hang on to it, or taught me the skills I needed to get it. You've been my biggest cheerleader and support, always accepting me and loving me no matter what (and there has been a lot of what). And now I hope to be able to offer at least a small portion of that back to you. I love you, Mommy. Thank you for my life.

Love,
Cheech

The Joy of Exercise and Healthy Eating(aka,The Big Lie of the Fitness Industry)

2008-05-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

As you may have guessed from my last post and this one, I am trying to get healthy and lose "The Weight". (Hey, when something has been a part of you for this long, it deserves to be capitalized.) Now, this is not, in and of itself, unusual. In fact, my 13 year old gave me an odd look last week and said, "You do this. About once, twice a year, you do this." I was forced to agree. (My kid's a smart cookie! And observant!) But I did feel the need to try to ~~score some parenting points~~ pull some great life lesson out of my ~~abject failures~~ previous attempts by pointing out that what really mattered was that I was still trying. This fitness thing is a tough gig!

I'm not exactly complaining, mind you. I had (mostly) prepared myself for the fact that I wasn't going to lose a ton of weight in a phenomenally short period of time. I knew that. And I was okay with it. It's just that it can be a tad disheartening to have your weight seemingly fluctuate by as much as four pounds in the same day. It makes me question the validity of my scale. But then I figure, who really cares? Even the highest numbers are way lower than they used to be. And I feel the need now to see if I can do this. I've scented the challenge, and I really want it. Badly.

Oh, I know we all say that we want to be slim and healthy, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. I know myself! If I had really wanted this sooner than now, I'd have had it sooner than now. I think most people get exactly what they want, because the human will is fundamentally unbeatable. It then becomes a matter of admitting that what you have is indeed what you want. I finally did that. I gave myself permission to be fat, if that's what I needed to be. And I worked through several subconscious fears regarding what and who I would become without my friends, the fat cells, to guard and shelter me. These things allowed me to just be okay with me. And once I was okay with me, I didn't need the protection anymore. It's a marvelously empowering feeling, I gotta say. That said, I have a major problem with the "Fitness" Industry.

What I would like to see happen, is for the fitness lies, or more specifically the weight loss lies, to stop. For the first time in years I feel a little better when I exercise, instead of feeling sick to my stomach all day long. I don't care what those fitness freaks claim. When you're heavy, exercise DOES NOT make you feel better. In fact, it actually makes you feel worse. I wish they would just tell you that. Otherwise it's a huge mental blow, and you feel like you must be doing something wrong so you give up. But if you just tell people, "Look, you're gonna feel like crap for a good two months (or longer, depending on how much weight you have to lose). That's the way it is. You are going to be hungry while you relearn how to eat reasonable portion sizes. You are going to have headaches and stomachaches while your body goes through withdrawal from all the sugar, caffeine and fat you've been consuming(and from having to think so hard about something used to seem so simple, i.e. You like = you eat). You are not going to get the same kind of enjoyment from your food, because it's going to be a different kind of food. You will have to retrain yourself to enjoy the new stuff. This will take time. You are going to hurt and gasp and cry while you force your body to do things it hasn't had to do in many a moon, if ever. This is not a pleasant or fun process. It does not become pleasant or fun until you are almost done with this procees. Once you're at the maintenance stage, THAT'S when it becomes fun. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Enjoyment creeps up on you during the procees. The longer you go on, the more enjoyment you get. But fun? No."

The thing all the fitness freaks don't seem to get is that it doesn't get fun until you are where they are(and I'm reasonably sure that most of them have NEVER been where I am, so their perky reassurances are annoying and make me feel condescended to). Personally I think there should be some sort of law that states that you are not allowed to put out an exercise video or teach a class (for weight loss purposes)unless you have once been fat. And I mean FAT. More than just a 5 measly pounds fat. You have to be over 30 pounds fat. That's the law! And you have to have your before picture up in poster size where we can see it and know that you really are one of us, and that you totally understand and sympathize with why we're crying in the back corner in our jet black burka exercise wear.

News Flash! Exercising is fun. But it's a lot more fun when it doesn't feel like your femur is going to do a pile drive on your knee! Push-ups are a great esteem booster----- once you've gotten to the point where touching your chin to the floor doesn't involve parting the Red Sea of belly fat to do so, or make you ask if it matters which chin touches, or worse leave you stranded, high-centered on your belly in your living room as you rock back and forth in a vain attempt to get up again. But until you reach that nirvana of body dimensions screaming at you from every media outlet, it's all just painful and humiliating! I think there should be an equivalent to a Purple Heart for overweight people who exercise at the gym.

My whole point here is that, armed with this mighty truth, you're a whole lot more likely to stick it out. If it's what you were expecting, it's not nearly as big a deal. So, gurus, stop trying to make healthy eating and exercise sound all kinds of appealing when it just isn't, at least at the beginning. Honest forthrightness and realism from you will get a much more honest, long-standing effort from me. And I'll be a whole lot less likely to take vicious satisfaction in your cellulite along the way.

Burn, baby, burn! (Calories, that is)

2008-04-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

Whoever thought of exercising in the winter was e-vil. The fru-its of the dev-il(all credit to Mike Meyers). In fact, I'll go so far as to say they are sick. Someone tranquilize them before they come up with another flash of cruel brilliance.

First of all, winter is not kind to skin color. The freakish, unnatural shades of white my skin can achieve in the winter may, in fact, be signs of some genetic mutation run amok, and this doesn't even begin to touch upon the unholy texture.

Secondly, exercise fashions are not made to conceal the lumpy, day-old oatmeal color and texture of a winterized me. How, pray tell, is the exposure of such a thing supposed to encourage me to want to move to the point where the oatmeal DANCES in the fiendish, frenetic motion of Jell-O on crack, all while staining my face a wholly unattractive shade of purple-red, severely compromising my ability to breathe and causing previously unmolested, peacable muscles to quiver in pain, fear and degradation?! I ask you!!!!

And yet, I persevere. Why? Because I was gullible enough to believe some liar on an infomercial who said the oatmeal look didn't have to be permanent. That I could have ripped abs, lethal guns, and rockin' thighs that would make Cindy Crawford weep with envy. All I have to do is make the oatmeal dance the Crack Dance for a little while every day.

What never ceases to amaze me is that there are people who are brave enough to do the Crack Dance in PUBLIC!! I lack such spine and gumption. No. No, I will do my belly-flopping push-ups and weepy, gasping crunches in the confines of my tightly locked, blinds-drawn, LIGHTS OFF house. No one will see me drop that 5-lb. dumbell on my head because my wussy arm muscles gave out mid-tricep lift. I will strain in solitude for one more sidekick as my hip flexors scream for mercy, offering to make a deal with my skin to erase all stretch marks, if I will just make it STOP! I prefer to have no audience as I collapse in a now mushy puddle of oatmeal, clawing the ground in the vain hope that it will bring more oxygen into my ravaged body.

All this, so I may one day say....

Cry, Cindy, cry!

A T-Shirt By Any Other Name....(would still make me snort-laugh a beverage)

2008-04-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

I have a teensy-weensy, mild....OBSESSION with funny t-shirts. This may, perhaps, be due to the fact my somewhat prodigious dimensions in the torso category make the wearing of t-shirts a most regrettable fashion option, but the expressive capacity here is enormous.

Thus, I am fated to pine for these jewels.....

....and of course, these beauties are just begging to be worn.

You can make political statements....

...observations about your personal character...

...boast of your athletic prowess...

...or lack thereof.

Or you could aspire to be the greatest of all Speakers of T: The Philosopher.

That is so deeeeep.

The Color of Me

2008-04-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

So I took this Color Quiz that I found on Marni's blog, who got it from Anth's blog's whose knee bone's connected to the thigh bone. Thigh bone's connected to the....Ahem, Where was I? Ah, yes. This is a bit...freakishly accurate, actually. And the quiz itself is incredibly brief and simple.

My results are:

Your Existing Situation
Authoritative or in a position of authority, but liable to feel that further progress is rendered problematical by existing difficulties. Perseveres despite opposition. (Hmmmm. Highly bossy and stubborn, likes it that way, looking for opportunities to be bossy with impunity. Stubbornness assures that said opportunity shall be found. Are my education dollars paying off or what?)

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.(Makes me sound kinda snobby. I don't FEEL snobby. But I am assured that I am unique and distinctive, so I guess it's working.)

Your Restrained Characteristics
Has high emotional demands and is willing to involve herself in a close relationship, but not with any great depth of feeling.
Conditions are such that she will not let herself become intimately involved without making mental reservations.(Yeah. Did I mention I'm not dating?)

Your Desired Objective
Needs a change in her circumstances or in her relationships which will permit relief from stress. Seeking a solution which will open up new and better possibilities and allow hopes to be fulfilled. (Going to school, gonna get a job that lets me have MONEY to DO STUFF.And be COOL. Because when you're lacking innate coolness, money will have to suffice.)

Your Actual Problem
Feels insufficiently valued in her existing situation, and is seeking different conditions in which she will have greater opportunity of demonstrating her worth. (Now I sound all selfish. Did I mention this was freakishly accurate?)

Well?! Your turn!!

Body Image

2008-04-14T18:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, ladies. We all know that this is an issue for pretty nearly every one of us. It's become a part of our cultural identity at this point. Sometimes, I think people who really feel just fine about themselves lie about it because they think it makes them normal. But, I have discovered that men have many of the same issues. Only their body parts of issue vary. So I introduce to you Danny Evans (whom many of you probably already know and are thinking this is like introducing Elvis, or George Washington or Neil Diamond). Regardless, I have been enjoying him and this is a letter every woman should read.

An Open Letter to....

Enjoy!

Normal Mormons Do LDS

2008-04-14T11:21:00.000-07:00

Having been ~~shamed~~ inspired by Casey's blog, ahem, I must rise in fervid defense of my faith!!!

First of all, I'd like to point out that those freaks in Texas have NOTHING to do with my religion. They can claim that fundamentalist crap all they want to, but all I'm gonna do is hand them a shovel and tell them to keep diggin'. And I'll wear a sturdy pair of noseplugs to block the stench of what they're shovelling. How's that for religious tolerance, huh?!

I have no patience for this sort of thing. My religion is little enough understood as it is, but to have people associating this kind of evil with it really chaps my hide.

For the record:

Polygamous Mormon is an oxymoron. It was a practice of limited scope and duration, and has not been used in over a century. Let it go, people!!
Anyone who treated their kids the way those people have would be ex-communicated before you could say Joseph Smith.
We do not hide from the world. Indeed, we are encouraged constantly to "be in the world, but not of it".
We do not believe the world is populated with Satan's minions. People are good!
We are encouraged to educate ourselves, to be of service (both personally and civically), to keep our minds and bodies pure, to create homes that are havens for our families and their friends, to be loving, honest and honorable.
We believe in the power of repentance, faith and forgiveness.
We DO NOT believe in isolation, torture or repression or in forcing people to do ANYTHING.
We believe in eternal families, eternal life, and eternal joy.
We believe that pretty much everybody is going to make it to heaven.
We are, first and foremost, believers in, followers of, and delighters in Christ. He is our Rock and our Salvation. There is none other before Him. It is our goal to pattern our lives after Him, so that through Him, we may return to our beloved Father.

Along this note of fallacies, misapprehensions and downright falsehoods that seem to float endlessly around regarding my LDS faith, my friend Colton and I were comparing some of our favorites. My personal favorite has to be a tie between my high school finance teacher assuring me with grave intensity that he "knew all about the Ceremony of the Squirrels" we held in our temples, and the new kid at my cousin's school who stared at her all day before finally screwing up his courage enough to ask where her horns were. Come on, people! I think I'm going to have to add Colton's to my list and call it a three-way, though.

Here's his story:

A man approaches him and says he knows what the towers in Salt Lake temple are for.

'Sat so?, says Colton. "Well, maybe you'd better tell me, 'cause I've been in 'em and I didn't see anything."

The man, disregarding this empirical evidence, states emphatically, "You use them to hide your virgins for your secret sacrifices."

"Well,if they're so secret how do you know about them?" Colton reasonably queries.

"One of them escaped."

"How'd she manage that?"

"She jumped out of the window into the Salt Lake and swam away."

To which Colton wisely responded, "Then I suggest you go find that girl and recruit her for the Olympic team. Because even with a 200 ft. high leg up, anyone who can jump over a mile is well worth pursuing for the track team!"

Eh-HEH.(In the interests of fairness, this man was Canadian and clearly had not the slightest ~~ability to use Google Earth~~ knowledge of the geography of Salt Lake City.)

What about you, Bloggers? What ridiculous myths exist about your faiths? Do you have any favorites you'd care to share?

'Nuf Said

2008-04-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

Now, really, if your average picture is worth a thousand words, this one must have entire reams devoted to it. No matter how you feel about any given candidate, this is politics in a nutshell.

I'm With the Gipper

2008-04-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

“It is truly fitting that America observe April 9 in recognition of our former prisoners of war; that date is the 46th anniversary of the day in 1942 when U.S. forces holding out on the Bataan Peninsula in the Philippines were captured. Later, as prisoners of war, these gallant Americans were subjected to the infamous Bataan Death March and to other inhumane treatment that killed thousands of them before they could be liberated. In every conflict, brutality has invariably been meted out to American prisoners of war; on April 9 and every day, we must remember with solemn pride and gratitude that valor and tenacity have ever been our prisoners’ response... To our former prisoners of war who endured so much, we say that with your example and with God’s help we will seek to meet the standards of devotion you have set; we will never forget your service or your sacrifice.” —Ronald Reagan

To all the Vets and those who are currently fighting, I thank you. And know that for as long as you fight to defend me there, I will fight to defend you here. America is the greatest and you are why. You are in my thoughts and my prayers. I'm so proud of every one of you. Thank you.

100 Facts About Me

2008-04-05T23:37:00.000-07:00

Firstly, I must take this moment to thank Marni, as I am stealing this idea from her, and I know she hates it when people don't give props for their borrowing.

Since the 8th is my birthday, I thought this might be apropos. The idea is to come up with 100 facts about yourself. Frankly, my brain feels so fried from school, I'm not even confident of my ability to count that high, but I'll take a bash at it. If you get to 14 and the rest are blank........well, I apologize. I just may not be all that interesting.

1. My name is Charity Joy. It can be hard to live up to sometimes, especially on a lousy day, but I wouldn't change it for anything. It's good to have things to live up to.

2. I conduct a daily love affair with the English language. I think it's the best language on the face of the planet. Though God speaks all languages, I think He likes English best.

3. I secretly(and saccharinely/poetically) describe my eye color as the color of a sun-dappled, rippling pond in a forest grove.(Did I mention my fondness for language? There you go, then.)

4. My youngest daughter is autistic, and I wonder sometimes if God made her that way to protect her from her father and me.

5. I wonder if I'll ever be courageous enough to be the woman I know I'm meant to be.

6. I have a severe addiction to commas.

7. I have never lived alone.

8. I got married for the first time when I was 17 years old. I was not too young. I was too weak.(Pay no attention to the fact the people in this photo are wearing their rings on the wrong hands. Heathens!)

9. I think when you smile for no reason your smile becomes a reason.

10. When my oldest daughter was born I had undiagnosed Post-Partum Depression. I used to dream vividly of hurting her. It terrified me.

11. I adore learning. While I am a bit burned out by school at the moment, I can't imagine ever not wanting to learn something new. I'm a nerd.

12. My faith is the foundation of who I am. I am a Goddess in Training.

13. I am fascinated by pregnancy and childbirth.

14. Pregnancy was very easy for me, and I loved it(which may explain the continuing fascination.)

15. I love to read, and I read very quickly. I can read a fictional novel (sometimes more than one)in a day. My record is the last 2 Harry Potter novels in 12 hours each.

16. I have nearly prehensile strength and skill in my upper lip.

17. I am a skilled counted cross stitcher, but I cannot do the embellished ones. They're not exact enough. This is one that I've done.

18. I love my body from the neck up and the knees down.

19. I am allergic to milk. Not dairy. Just milk.

20. I have a goal to be able to paint my grandmother's portrait from her wedding day in watercolor.

21. I think my mother is the most under-appreciated genius in the world today.

22. I have had the same best friend for nearly 20 years.

23. I'm secretly certain that I'm so damaged that no normal man will ever want me, though freaks and geeks will abound.

24. My children are the most amazing people I've ever met, because they can still love after everything they've been through.

25. I have a strong opinion about practically everything.

26. Next to my children, my mother and my sister hold the closest places in my heart.

27. I have a vicious competitive streak (that I try not to let out very often).

28. Teenagers are my favorite age group.

29. I am not particularly nice, but I'm content to let other people believe I am.

30. Some days I look in the mirror and think I am beautiful. Other days, I wonder how I could ever have thought that.

31. I have been told that my bottom eyelashes are longer than most people's top ones, and have been asked repeatedly if my eyelashes are fake. (They're not, and I was very flattered.)

32. Talking is my favorite pastime, and I will do it even when no one else is around.

33. If I knew I could get away with it, I would completely disregard the speed limit.

34. I get motion sick in parked cars, but not on roller coasters.

35. I believe that (barring illness) everything in life is a choice or the consequence of one.

36. I believe in accepting the consequences of your choices graciously.(Though I often fall short on follow through here.)

37. I like talking about politics and religion.

38. I really like winning.

39. People have called me wise, and I sometimes let it go to my head. Sorry.

40. I have a desperate desire to be kissed senseless just once before I die. Preferrably long before. By a man.

41. I am very smart. That said, God, the universe and my subconscious conspire daily to keep me humble.

42. I can't kiss.

43. I love to make people laugh.

44. I am intensely curious about people.

45. I love stories. Movies, music, books, people; they're all just stories, waiting to be loved.

46. If I know I'm wrong I'm not afraid to admit it. But I can live in denial for decades.

47. I intensely dislike being told what to do.

50. I have an aversion housework, and only do it when I absolutely must(which is why I try to invite people over fairly regularly.)

51. I believe the Bible to be the word of God. Just not the only word.

52. I give compliments easily and sincerely. Apparently this is very rare.

53. My first husband told me that the only reason he hadn't slept with anyone (of the women he dated during our marriage) was because no one had offered. I didn't care.

54. I have a weakness for mango raspberry smoothies, and I can't find them anywhere!!

55. My chocolate peanut butter double decker fudge is my ultimate downfall. I can eat the entire 4 pound yield in 2 days. Yeah.

56. I have a lovely singing voice....but it would be lovelier with some lessons.

57. I inherited my father's ability to discover and retain obscure items of trivia.

58. I love to smell pretty.

59. I love money, but I'm not a gold digger. I'm a lot more interested in my money than anyone else's.

60. I hate the smell of newspapers.

61. I do not enjoy animals. I have no particular enmity toward them, I just don't have enough energy for or interest in having them in my house.

62. My wildest dream is to have nothing else to do but travel the world. In my own luxury Lear Jet. That I am qualified to fly.

63. I still own the only Baby Name Book I ever bought. I use it to name my Sims.

64. I have never broken a bone.

65. I have a weakness for romance novels.

66. I have never used a day planner in my life.

67. I keep meaning to want an i-Pod, but I don't.

68. My baby will graduate in 6 years. I'll be 39.

69. I want a son. More to the point, I want to have children with someone who wants to have children with me.

70. I look at the many good mothers in my family and wonder, in shame, why I didn't live up to that part of myself.

71. I love steamed broccoli and cauliflower, but my spinach and carrots must be raw.

72. You've never had peas until you've eaten them straight out of the field in a warm saltwater brine.

73. My second husband let me use him as a launch pad for healing. I'll always be grateful to him for that. I'm glad we're still friends.

74. I am a small-town girl.

75. I want to have an at-home water birth.

76. Music is the window through which my soul flies.

77. I have an extensive movie collection.

78. I do not watch rated-R movies. Ever.

79. I think global warming is a total crock.

80. I have a goal to be able to play any piece I want to on the piano. (Just for the record, I am nowhere near achieving that goal).

81. I miss hugs.

82. I hate fighting. It makes me feel physically ill.

83. I have a surfeit of self-destructive pride.

84. I tend to look to my own authority above anyone else's. Even when I have none.

85. I think America is the best country in the world, hands down.

86. I love The Spongebob Squarepants Movie.

87. I believe in moral absolutes.

88. I am fascinated by marksmanship.

89. I think nearly all the world's problems could be solved by people simply learning to control themselves.

90. I am a newly initiated Mary Kay junkie.

91. I love writing.

92. If I could learn every language in the world, I would.

93. I think the best age to be is 60.

94. I want to marry someone who adores me, and won't change his mind about that (and vice versa).

95. My definition of success is to get a job that will let me hire someone else to do the housekeeping.

96. Does anyone know The Rock's phone number? I hear he's single again!

97. I take incredibly hot showers.(This sentence is in no way connected to the previous one. Just FYI.)

98. I hate exercising with the blazing, white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. But I love to play.

99. I get weak in the knees at the sight of well-formed arms and shoulders.

100. I'm unbelievably grateful to have been more interesting than I had originally supposed myself to be.

Your turn!

Spring has Sprung

2008-04-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

My children are vastly amusing individuals. They have been ready for Spring for about 6 weeks now, and I think their joy on the first day of Spring very nearly matched their excitement on Christmas morning. My eldest, a fellow ham, flung open the front door, pelted out into the yard and bellowed at the tops of her lungs "It's SRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGG!!!!!" Yeah, well, we have that kind of household. What can I say? But a few weekends ago there was an incident that caused great consternation and dismay and, dare I say, even a smidge of righteous anger to bestir itself in the bosoms of my offspring.

What could possibly have happened that would create such a roiling cauldron of seething emotions, you ask? Well, puberty aside, it lies in one word. SNOW. It snowed! Not just dainty little flurries, either. Big, fat, wet, sticky snow that went on for hours. What is this travesty?! they cry. It's SPRING! The betrayal here is huge.

I now feel compelled to explain that the planet really doesn't care what the calendar says. The planet isn't even aware that there is a calendar. It just knows how far away from the sun it is and that there is moisture in its atmosphere. (Personally, I feel we should stage an intervention. The planet needs to know there's a calendar so this sort of thing doesn't keep happening!) But it's the middle of Spring! they gasp indignantly. At this point I am awkwardly forced to point out that 5 days after the 21st is in no way, and by no stretch of the imagination could be, termed the MIDDLE of Spring. We haven't even left the month of March, which is devoted to Winter almost in its entirety. This is perfectly normal, I assure them. Perfectly appalling and perfectly normal.(I've never liked snow.)

It all ends well, anyway, because the stuff didn't even stick around for a full day. That's more like it. But I had to smile. Mostly because I so completely understood how they felt.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it.....

2008-04-03T10:16:00.000-07:00

A couple years of years ago, when I began down the road of the road I'm no longer going down.......uuhhhhhh......yeah. That's right. That's what I meant.(see the When I Grow Up post for further details) Anyway, we were required to create a mission statement for our lives. As a writer and a woman who had newly rediscovered her own power, this was a great opportunity for me to verbalize all the things I felt I had learned about myself, what I wanted, what I deserved and my place in the grand scheme of things. I know. It's a lot to decide to get out of a simple school assignment, but it meant a great deal to me. So much came clear for me when I wrote it and for the first time in years, I didn't feel like I had to apologize for my wanting it.

For those of you who know my history, you know that my mission statement was a rousing "I'm alive!" moment, not an audition to be a Hallmark greeting card writer. For those of you who don't know my history, it still makes a pretty good greeting card,(even if it's one of those ones with multiple folds, swirly writing and pink glitter that gets all over your everything and is impossible to wash off) and if you'd like to know my history feel free to ask. I think we've established that I enjoy talking and have very few secrets.

My mission statement is as follows:

I want a job that I love, that will allow me to be financially independent, give me time with my family and provide me with a wide variety of opportunities to meaningfully contribute and excel. I will change the world one person at a time, beginning with myself. I will create my own interesting world of adventure and learning. I will develop my talents and discover new ones. I will never be afraid to try something new. I will be an excellent example to my children of living life to the fullest. I will never take my life for granted, and I will wring every possible uplifting experience from it. I will create a healthy mind, body and spirit. I will strive to be an inspiration to others and never forget to be an inspiration to myself. I will give myself credit for my strengths and forgiveness for my weaknesses. I will never forget that my life is my own and to make of it what I will is my right; NO ONE ELSE'S!!!

Now it's your turn. Break it down to a day, if needs must, but tell me. What do you see for yourself? What do you want to be, have, do and become? What's your mission statement?

A Fool's Delight

2008-04-01T16:51:00.000-07:00

I consider myself, on the whole, to be a person with a highly developed sense of the ridiculous. I enjoy humor immensely and spread its cheer at every possible opportunity, even occasionally when it's not especially appropriate. But my highly developed sense of humor ends abruptly at the practical joke line. I am a terrible sport when it comes to practical joking. I detest them, and I'll tell you why. The whole purpose of a practical joke is to make someone else look and/or feel stupid, and in fairly public way. You know, call me crazy, but I think human beings manage to look and feel foolish on a pretty regular basis without having assistance from someone who's doing it for the sole purpose of being able to laugh at them. Can you see how I'm not a good sport about this? Yeah.

So that said, guess which day is SOOO not my favorite day in April? You got it. April Fool's Day. Who thought this was a smart thing to do?

"OH, I know! Let's nationally commemorate a day in which people may be unkind with impunity! And then if the victim doesn't like it, it can be a character flaw on their part. Instead of me being an insensitive jerk, they'll be an oversensitive weenie!"

"Wow! What a great idea!"

I realize that there are many people that enjoy practical jokes, both giving and receiving them. Bully for you. Some days I wish I were one of you.

This day is, ridiculously, made harder to bear because it comes one week before my birthday. I feel just a little tainted at having to share this time frame with such a mean day. I can't help but wonder why they had to choose April. I guess August Fool's Day just didn't have the same ring to it.

So how about it, Blogging World? What's the appeal, or not, of this particular day for you?

The ABC's of Me

2008-03-28T21:27:00.000-07:00

A - ADVOCATE FOR: My children. For those of you who are new to my little corner of the universe, it won't take you long to realize that I am a woman who has virtually no weak emotions. Whatever I feel, I feel it strongly. Therefore, when I become an advocate for something, the emotional investment is ramped up to a whole new level, and I find that I actually frighten people with the intensity of it. Thus, I restrict my advocacy to my children, and of course other family members. However, as they are usually able to take care of themselves, my advocacy is seldom required. But they have it all the same.

B - BEST FEATURE: I have a number of attractive features. I have lovely eyes, a sweet mouth, cute ears, nice cheekbones, decent smile, great legs and feet. It's most unfortunate that I've chosen to lump them all together on the frame I'm currently sporting, a roughly hourglass shape through which the sands of time could run at triple their normal rate.

C - COULD DO WITHOUT: the endless barrage of reality TV. Is anyone truly amused by watching these people expose themselves so hideously day in and day out? And it's almost always for a monetary reward. It makes me not just a little nauseated.

D - DREAMS & DESIRES: I have a great many. I want to be a good mom. I want to be a better daughter and sister. I want to learn every language on the face of the planet. I want to drive a race car over 150 mph. I want to own my own Harley. I want to go paragliding in Hawaii. Heck, I'd settle for just seeing Hawaii from the ground!I want to go for a gondola ride in Venice. I want to see the fashions in Milan. I want to see the Zugspitze. I want to have my picture taken while I lay at the four corners where UT, NM, AZ and CO meet. I want to take a hot air balloon ride across the wine country in France. I want to watch safely from a balcony as the idiots do the Bull Run in Pamplona. I want to visit the ruins of Pompeii and Machu Pichu. I want to take a Carribean cruise. I want to have a massive, wallet-melting shopping spree in NYC. I want to see the Outback and all those beautiful New Zealand locations from the Lord of the Rings movies. I want to visit all those cool shops and pubs in London and ride the tube. I want to see Edinburgh Castle. I want to kiss the Blarney Stone and see Stonehenge. I want to spend the night in a real English castle. I want to ride the Chunnel over to Paris and see Paris from the Eiffel tower. I want to spend a whole day at a Paris cafe, sketching and writing.....whatever comes into my head. I want to see Notre Dame, the Louvre, and take a ride down the Seine. I want to see the Diamond Exchange in Antwerp. I want to see original works of art by Monet, Degas and DaVinci. I want to see all that beautiful Russian architecture. I want to see the Northern Lights. I want to breathe in the history of ancient Egypt and China, places so old you would swear the dirt was heavy with the stories of the people who had walked there and the air was spun with their ghosts. I want to see Gethsemane and Bethlehem. I want to be an expert with all weapons. I want to be at the top level in all self-defense disciplines from Tai Kwon Do, to Jujuitsu, to Karate, to Krav Maga. I want to be able to take any engine apart and put it back together without mysterious leftover parts. I want to be able to paint what I feel. I want to be a musical virtuoso. I want to be able to manipulate the stock market without breaking a sweat. I want to lose the weight and be hot, and not care if anyone else thinks so. I want to be able to shop off the racks at Anne Taylor. I want to be independently wealthy. I want to be the kind of person who gives their all and throws themselves into their life with embarrassing gusto. I want....I just want.

E - ESSENTIAL ITEMS: Lip gloss. Or something like it. Without it I chew my face to shreds. Neither attractive nor comfortable, so I make every effort to keep something with me.

F - FAVORITE PASTIME: Wandering around my oddball little mind digging for buried treasure.

G - GOOD AT: Oh, I have lots of talents. Everyone does. I'm good at math, reading, spelling, laughing, making other people laugh, being happy, saying I'm sorry, actually being sorry, admitting when I'm wrong, actually being wrong, thinking the best of most people, being smart, being stupid, sharing, being selfish, giving the benefit of the doubt, having an admirably short memory for unpleasantness(as a general rule. There are, of course, exceptions), and lots of other things I can't think of right now.

H - HAVE NEVER TRIED: calamari or escargot. The entire idea makes my stomach quiver threateningly as if to say,"If you ever even THINK about THINKING about putting that down here, we will have words. Big. Long. Juicy. Smelly. Toilet-clutching. Pray-for-death-ing words." I've never cared to test that threat.

I - IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: I am going to assume that this is after tithing and taxes.(Which means I had roughly 2.2 million at the start of this question. Frickin' IRS. Thieves!) Anyway, I'd pay for my schooling, hire tutors for my kids, pay for my mom's schooling, pay off my sister's house, start retirement accounts for myself and my kids, start a travel fund, and probably start exercising, because there's something about the natural order of the universe that states you have to be skinny to be rich.

J - JUNKIE FOR: FUDGE. Oh my merciful stars in heaven above!!! I LUUURRVE fudge. Not the cakey kind, either. Blech. Blasphemers!! No, the silky kind that melts almost as soon as it hits the heat of your mouth. Oh. Divine. Rule number one for a good fudge: You should never have to chew!

K - KINDRED SPIRIT: Probably the closest one I have is Katie. We have a lot in common. And a lot not in common. But we just seem to get each other.

L - LITTLE KNOWN FACT:Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head."

All porcupines float in water.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111=12,345,678,987,654,321

What? There are no little known facts about me. If you don't know them, neither do I. See the Myspace answers blog for that whole brain/mouth thing.

M - MEMORABLE MOMENT: I think that out of the many that were immediately vying for my attention and lobbying heavily for public consumption(and there are MANY) I'm gonna have to go with the Canadian Teeter Totter Incident. I realize that it's unusual for a 14 year old to be able to effectively ride a teeter totter, but this one was exceptionally long, you see, and as it is one of the few pieces of moving playground equipment I can play on without becoming viley ill from motion sickness, I took full advantage. My sister was my companion in this little adventure and we were having a great deal of fun pretending to float gracefully down from great heights. This worked very well for both of us until one of my trips down ended in a soft bump that promptly ploinked me off of my teeter totter seat. Well, this created a substantial gust of gravity, causing my poor little sister to plummet in a rather dramatic fashion toward the ground. A number of things entered my mind in this moment. Having had one or two bone-jarring, jaw-breaking encounters of the gravity-gusting variety myself, I knew I could not allow this fate to befall my baby sister. So, clearly at this point all rational thought had fled, because I wrapped my legs around the swiftly uprising end of the teeter totter in order to slow its motion and allow my sweet one to escape unharmed. I did not, however, take into account what revenge gravity might have in store for me for foiling its plan. Up I went, FLIPPED A FULL CIRCLE IN THE AIR, another half circle was accomplished by sheer momentum at this point, whereupon I was unceremoniously dumped on my head in the dirt. Now I realized that this must have looked alarming from the outside(having leaped to this knowledge by the sight of several adults pelting toward my pitiful, crumpled form, I began to try to visualize it).I also realized that it looked pretty dang funny, and when my poor, panicked sister came around the end of the teeter totter with her eyes taking up a full 2/3 of her face and her horrified mouth taking up the rest of it, I couldn't help it. The image was complete and I started to laugh my head off. Fortunately, I continued to do this as we walked back to our family's campsite, as I was essentially undamaged.

N - NEVER AGAIN WILL I: forget how much power I have in my own life.

O - OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: I'm afraid there is no answer to this question. The fact of the matter is, I spoil myself rotten. If I want something, I pretty much give it to me.

P - PROFESSION: At the moment I seem to be a professional student. Though I am a licensed massage therapist and I'm working on becoming a tax accountant.

Q - QUOTE: " Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality."--- Ralph Marston

" When people tell us something can't be done, they don't mean we can't do it. They actually mean THEY can't do it."--- Unknown

R - REASON TO SMILE: Who needs a REASON?! A smile BECOMES a reason.

S - SORRY ABOUT: being a bad mom. I'm a lot better than I used to be. But I'll ALWAYS be sorry for not being better sooner.

T - TAG SOME FRIENDS: OK, as much as I would love to continue this tradition, the fact of the matter is, I have no blogging friends that haven't already done this. You two are probably the only ones who'll read this anyway. Loved your answers, by the way!

U - UNINTERESTED IN: dating, in any of its torturous forms. Who thought this was a good idea?! I'm seriously considering just letting my Mom pick my next husband. I think I've proven pretty conclusively that I suck at it.

V - VERY SCARED OF: very little. I can't think of anything that I'm really scared of. Hm. Maybe sharks. Yeah. With the teeth and those flat, black eyes. shuuuddderrrrr

W - WORST HABIT: It's more of a lack of habit. I don't exercise.

X - X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Seriously? Did you not read the whole "D" answer? Just pull out a map of the solar system and put an "X" over the planet Earth and call it good.

Y- YUCKIEST THING EVER- Pretty much anything that could be connected to a slug. Any texture or sight. I seriously do not understand what God was thinking with that one, but you bet your bippy it's on my list of "Urgent Matters to Discuss When I Die". It's right after "Why the 70's?" and right before "Why was sugar fattening?"

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Aries. Whatever that means to anyone.

WHAT ARE THE ABC'S OF YOU?

Going, going.....

2008-03-14T20:40:00.000-07:00

At what point does a person have to admit to being an adult? The lines seem to have blurred to the point of invisibility these days. So I decided to put my admittedly oddball mind to this problem, and I have realized there are several unmistakable signs. Cues, if you will, from the world and from within oneself.

1. The news is no longer boring. You actually understand the words that are coming out of their mouths and those words almost invariably tick you off, especially in election years. Because now you know what an election year actually is.

2. Icicles no longer have such prodigious dimensions. In fact, nothing is as big as it used to be, and therefore, a little bit of the awe we felt for the world has left us.

3. The bright packaging on cereal and yogurt now gives you a headache, and for some reason it all just tastes kind of gross now.

4. All those awesome songs you grew up with- on tapes- are now in Classic Music Collections on infomercials.

5. When you talk with the current popular vernacular, the kids all give you looks that range from disgust to pity to extreme discomfort with the inablility to maintain eye contact. I mean, how do you explain to an old person that they are constitutionally incapable of being cool?

6. People look at your "cool/hip/rad/sick/bad/phat" vehicle and coughovercompensationcough while rolling their eyes.

7. People stop being impressed with your video game scores. Especially if it's the only thing you can claim any authority on. You begin to feel their laser gazes burning the word LOSER into your forehead, and yet can't quite grasp why.

8. You suddenly realize that you have cooked your own dinner and done your own laundry without calling your mother in a panic even once. (I found a black sock in the whites!!! It's too late!! I already washed AND dried everything!! WHAT DO I DO?!??!!?!?!!)

9. The new music coming out is crap! All that screaming, you can't even understand what they're saying! And is that man beating his head against the drum set?! No skill!!

10. You find yourself forced to acknowledge that kids today are spoiled brats. Every last one of 'em. They don't know what it means to really work/have to walk to school/use their imaginations, it could go on and on. They have it so easy and they're so UNGRATEFUL!

11. It no longer feels strange to admit that adults have first names, and you use them comfortably, even adults you knew as a kid.

12. You now understand why everyone's always so ticked off when taxes are mentioned.

13. You stop getting excited and drooly over Toys'R'Us commercials and start getting excited and drooly over ads for low interest rates, doorbuster sales and discount malls.

14. Finding a fabulous apartment that has rent control can bring you to tears faster than The Notebook.(Why didn't you write me?!)Even faster than watching the Yankees win another Series.

15.You accept that your parents really are smart people who know a bit about how the world works, and now you can't wait to pick their brains.

16. You feel undeniably compelled to apologize to your parents. Repeatedly. With gifts. And grovelling.

One of these days we'll all get the hang of this adulthood thing, but until then, I still get a thrill every time I see a Toys'R'Us commercial.

Psychoanalyze Yourself.......

2008-03-14T12:42:00.000-07:00

Psychoanalyze Yourself; Don't read ahead, just get a pad and pen and answer the following questions with the first thought that comes to mind. Then read which each answer means at the end.
(No cheating! )

1. You are walking in the woods. You are not alone. Who is with you?
A man. I don't know who he is. It's not someone I've ever met before. But I know I'm safe because he's with me.

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal?
A black panther.

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
We both get into a crouch and get slowly closer until we can sense there's no threat. Then we're a team. We walk together.

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing, and before you is your dream house, what is your dream house.
A one-story English cottage, only it's really spacious indoors. Huge great room, high ceilings, lots of windows and light, fabulous state of the art kitchen with an herb garden window, roomy bedrooms with big windows. Slate patio, flowers and shrubs everywhere, vegetable garden, greenhouse, manicured lawn, massive trees, treehouse, tree swing, lights strung outside.

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
Nope.

6. You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see what on the table?
Nothing. It just gleams in the sunlight. Okay, so I guess it has sunlight on it.

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
I don't see a cup.

8. What do you do with the cup?
Keep moving.

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the end of a body of water, how much water is there?
A HUUUUGE lake, fathoms deep and miles long and wide.

10. How will you cross the water?
On a jet ski.

Okay. Now I'll analyze me.

The ANSWERS

1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.

(Well, that's alittle depressing.I haven't even met the most important person in my life!)

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.

(Fair enough. Not overwhelmingly large, but potentially lethal. Sounds about right.)

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems....

(I like this one. Makes me sound all sorts of mentally healthy. Yay me!)

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.

(Not much to look at from the outside, but a lot of internal work. Right again!)

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.

(I'm OPEN!!! HaHAA!)

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.

(Okay, I feel I must disagree. I think I'm pretty happy. Besides, my table is just waiting for all those people to come when I fix that fantastic feast in my envy-inducing kitchen.)

7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.

(Truth! I tried! I could NOT for the life of me conjure up a cup! Well, I could but I couldn't make it go into the picture. It was one of those Rubbermaid plastic drinking glasses that we all had when we were kids. It was all dirty like a little kid had been using it to dig in the dirt. That's the cup that came to mind, but I could NOT make it go into the picture! I'm a freak.)

8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude.

(HOW is it representative of my attitude? My attitude toward what?)

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.

(Well. How embarrassing. You all now know more about me than you ever wanted to. I trust you will not tease me about this.)

10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be.

(I obviously expect to have complete control over the pace and the direction. Lots of get up and go there.)

Survey Says.......

2008-03-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

My latest obsession is surveys on MySpace. They are just a hoot. The fun part is, of course, coming up with unique and creative answers to highly repetetive questions. And some of the questions are just ......well, they make me despair of the public education system, let's put it that way. Anyway, I so much enjoy these things that I have done a great many of them. As a result, I have amused enough people enough of the time that I have been informed that I should proffer some highlights as they will be a marvelous insight into my, er, distinctive personality. So here you are with the aforementioned proffering. Let me know how much elucidation has been felt by all and sundry. Some of the questions have more than one answer (did I mention that these things can be somewhat repetetive?) Anyway, I try to keep things interesting.

What is your middle name?
Joy. Tell me about it. My name can be a lot to live up to sometimes. But I like it.
OR
Danger! Actually, it's Mordechai, but Danger has a much nicer ring to it, don't you think?

Are you hiding something from someone?
*SNORT* NO. Are you kidding? I have no filter on that brain/mouth thing.

How do you feel about your hair?
I don't generally have feelings toward my hair. If it's behaving, I'm good. If it's not, I pin it down with something handy and leave it there until it reconsiders, which usually takes all day. My hair can be very stubborn.

What’s your sign?
Stop. But I'm thinking of changing it to Yield. Oh. Ahem. Aries.

Do you drink beer?
No. No, I don't. The smell alone is enough to drive me out the door, eyes watering in a desperate bid at gag reflex repression.

B is for beer of choice:
A&W Root. I'm pretty sure the first person to drink actual beer did it on a dare, which would make him Scottish, of course. Can’t you just hear it go down? "Oy! Look a’ tha’ bag o’ rotten grain. Et's DREPPING! I dare ye to drink that! I dare ye!"

Did you just die?
I'm checking, but I'm thinking no.

Do you like blue cheese?
You know, I have ZERO interest in eating rotting food or any of its....... derivatives. Ick. Ew. No.

Do you make up your own words?
Constantly. Fortunately they're always descriptive enough that people get what I'm saying. For instance, if I fourpled something, how many times did it increase? Or if something snakles, how’s it moving? Yeah. See?

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes. That being said, I think the reason is almost always ourselves.

Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
I have a whole host of people in my head, and not just a few of them were born there.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
I believe that when you want something badly enough you find a way to make it happen, yes, even if it's not conscious.

What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body?
Leap back about 6 feet while exclaiming something along the lines of HOLY CRAP! Then stare in macabre fascination while I called the police. OR a more likely scenario has me calmly closing said door, calling the authorities, waiting until they were gone before passing out, throwing up, and screaming. I'll give myself some leeway as to the order of those last three.

Q is for quote:
"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing." - Clive James

TOMORROW:

Goal?
Not eat the entire snack food aisle at Wal-Mart.

Are you going to laugh?
Absolutely. I have to burn off all those calories from the snack food aisle, don't I?

Honestly, what would you rather be doing right now?
Sleeping is always good. Gaining knowledge by osmosis would be another thriller.

Have you ever eaten pizza with sour cream?
No, but it sounds like it could be good. And really, is there any such thing as TOO fattening?

Do you ever think people hate you for filling these out?
No. I flatter myself that I'm amusing enough that they can't quite make it all the way to hate.

How do you feel about reality shows?
I've never enjoyed watching people deliberately decimate their personal dignity for money.

Do you believe everyone has a soulmate?
Yes. But that said I don't believe that soul mates have anything to do with romantic love. They are people with whom your soul connects and feels safe.

Can you sing?
Like a bird! Though I leave it to individual taste to describe which bird.

Would you date the person who posted this?
Well, I'm the first one to post this, and I do believe I am currently dating myself. So far it's going pretty well. I laugh at all my jokes. I appreciate me for all the little things. I'm totally understanding when I'm stressed and just don't feel like cleaning up. I could be the one.

Do you say aim or a-i-m?
Well, I guess that would depend on if I was talking or in a spelling bee....

Do you believe that there is always room in your heart for your first love?
I believe there is room in your heart for whatever you wish to put in it. It's infinitely expandable, the human heart.

How old were you when you had your first kiss?
I was in kindergarten, according to my mother and that tattletale bus driver.

Do you have empty bottles of alcohol hidden somewhere?
The only alcohol in my house is rubbing alcohol, and it would seem just a tad neurotic to hide those, don't you think? What do you mean the question stands?!

Who is a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to about anything?
I can talk to anyone about anything. However, depending upon the subject matter, the conversation may be remarkably short.

What could be done to make things better for you?
Nothing I'm not already doing. Unless you want to count having someone bestow an enormous amount of tax-free fundage upon me, in which case, there is that.

Have you changed much this year?
Let me just real quick check. There's my pulse, so, yeah!

How do you earn money?
By being a warm, fuzzy, moderately incompetent person that occupies space in an office.

Is there anyone you'd die for?
Sure. If there's no one in your life you'd die for you have not sufficiently opened your heart. Of course, death is never my first choice!

Are there too many commercials on tv?
Of course. One more reason not to watch. I resent being made to feel like my immortal soul is in jeopardy if I choose the wrong paper towels, peanut butter or car. Do I REALLY need parenting classes if I don't buy JIF?!

If you could live in any other country, which one would you pick?
I wouldn't. I would love to visit any number of countries, but this one is, hands down, the best one to live in.

Has anyone ever told you have pretty eyes?
Probably. I DO have pretty eyes, after all, so someone was bound to notice and remark upon it at some point.

Who is one person you trust completely with your heart:
My mom.

When you tell someone you love them, how often do you honestly mean it:
I do my level best not to say things I don't mean. What's the word for that again? Oh, yeah. LYING.

Would you rather bungee jump or skydive:

Oh skydive, totally! No whiplash at the end and it's as close to flying as I'll get before I'm translated.

Do you have a secret place you love to go:

It's all in my head, man. Whole worlds reside there.

Do you wear a name tag at work?
No. I'm going to school so I'll never have to have a name-taggable job again.

Can you count past 100?
Yes, I passed kindergarten. And on the first try, too!

Have you ever ran with scissors?
I believe the grammatically correct phrase is 'Have you ever RUN with scissors?' and I'm sure I have. Some rules are just stupid. How much damage can you do with a pair of blunt-nosed Fiskars? I mean, really!?

Favorite College football team?
I'm pretty sure BYU is a genetic legacy, so I'll say that, even though I never watch football.

Do you sometimes wish you were someone else?
I used to. But in the last several years, I have come to see myself as a fascinating person that I wouldn't mind getting to know better. I'm just getting the hang of being me. Why muck that up and have to start all over as someone else?

Do you hate chocolate?
No. No, I think it's safe to say that I don't hate chocolate. In fact, I'd say it's equally safe to say that I'd be struck by lightning if I tried to say, or, indeed, even IMPLY, that I hate chocolate.

Are you easy to get along with?
Well, I get along with me pretty well. You'd have to ask other people if they think so, too.

Have you ever been beaten up?
I make it a point to not put myself in places or around people that make that a possibility.

Do You Sleep On Your Side, Stomach, Or Back?
Well, yes.

What is the wallpaper on your phone?
People wallpaper their phones?! What, is it just a lark to watch someone new try to find the thing when it rings?

Your thoughts on online relationships?
Opens a girl up to rejection on a GLOBAL level. What's not to love?

Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?
Yeah. Then I married him. Then I decided I liked him better as a friend. And they lived happily ever after. Amen.

Who was the last person that made you laugh?
Me. I'm highly amusing. I laugh at myself constantly.

Do you dance in the car?

Well, since no one wants to see me dance outside the car, it's pretty much the only place I do dance. Although, I must say, it compromises the cardio benefits a bit.

Who do you make fun of the most?
Again, me. I always know when to draw the line before becoming insulting to me.

Are you an atheist?
I'm an anti-atheist. Big Theist, here. Huge.

What's your opinion on gold diggers?
Well, they were a hard working lot. I couldn't have lived that long without a bath, personally. Wait. Aren't we talking about the Gold Rush of '49? Oh.

Are you afraid of the dark?
Sometimes. The dark holds things, changes things, is sometimes a physical weight. I don't like to tempt it more often than I have to.

If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
Sure, 'cause I'd spend most of my time coming up with inventive new ways and places to hide.

Do you consider yourself successful?
Well, I'd say I'm successfully working toward becoming successful. Does that count?

Do you knock on wood?
Every time I go to someone's house. It's how they know I'm there, you see.

What do you do when no one is watching?
Make sure no one is watching.

What do you want?
Again with the vagueness! In regards to what? I want puny poundage, major moolah and limitless learnedness.

What is your favorite color?
Today I shall say it is Chartreuse, because it is a fun word to say.

What makes you laugh?
Nearly anything. I have a very healthy appreciation for the absurd.

What kind of pet do you have?
Peeves.

What color are your toenails usually?
Newborn colored. Naked as the day....

What is your favorite accessory?
A smile. Goes with everything and costs nothing!

Can you spell well?
I can, indeed. And many other words. I can even use them appropriately in sentences in a little known process called grammar!

Do you have a little black dress?
I have a black dress, but the term little is entirely too subjective in my opinion.

Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
I can spot a few right off. Like the fact that "best friend" is in fact TWO words, and that the use of the superlative best is an automatic rank elevator.

Who is your celebrity crush?
I have many, especially when you take into account that you can just take the face and body and build a great personality around it. Fantasy is a beautiful thing. Jude Law, Johnny Depp, Vin Diesel, Wentworth Miller......They all want me.

Do you know how to throw up gang signs?
I imagine it's like throwing up anything else. First you have to swallow it, and then your stomach retaliates with an eviction notice. The war is on and eventually your stomach wins.

Have you ever broken a rib?
Nope. And I'm perfectly content to be lacking that experience, thank you.

Have you ever had an eating disorder?
*SNORT* NO. My eating is, and always has been, highly functional.

Would you ever work for the border patrol?
If they really needed an incompetent, unqualified person, I'd be more than happy to assist.

Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?

Yes. And they did. Now I have new ones, and they'll come true, too.

Do you want to hit something?
No way. Hitting HURTS, and I believe you all know my stance on pain.

Are you a country boy/girl or city slicker?
I'm a small town girl. I don't like living out in the country, and I can't handle living in the city, but small towns within a day's drive of the big city, is my idea of perfect.

What song are you listening to right now?
I don't think it qualifies as a song yet. It's my daughter practicing the saxophone.

What was the last movie you watched?
Happily N'Ever After. If I could roll my eyes in print, I would.

If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name be?
Mahonri-Coriantimer ('cause I have a brother named Jared). It's Mormon thing.

A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste......

2008-01-15T11:59:00.000-08:00

and mine is wasting. I am so incredibly bored I'm HERE, inflicting it on cyberspace! My grandmother always said that only boring people are ever bored. Well, I hereby confess to being a boring person then, because I'm going starkers sitting here in this little office with nothing to do, and no one to talk to but myself. Now don't get me wrong. I like myself, in general anyway. But one does like a little variety in one's company after all, and I'm afraid even my many personalities are sick of each other. What do you guys do when you're bored? If, that is, any of you are willing to cop to being a boring person.

I'm not sure about anyone else, but my mind does odd things to keep itself entertained. For instance, does a question mark just seem like an old and tired exclamation point to anyone else? Is it a metaphor for life? All the strongly held and loudly proclaimed opinions of youth are weathered and beaten into the questions of maturity. And speaking of maturity, the pitiable amount I have is starting to bleed away. I'm so bored I've resorted to taking pictures of myself!!!!

It looks like some sort of seizure!

She's gonna blow!

She's flipped.

Eye see you! Ha haaa!

SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!!!!

Okay. I feel better now.

Un-BeLIEVEable!!

2008-01-09T13:35:00.000-08:00

I just read a news article. Yeah. Guess what? The "victims" of Katrina are SUING the federal government. Big shocker, there, right? No. The big shocker is for how much. Guess. Just guess! Take a deep breath, 'cause I'm gonna tell you:

$3,014,170,389,176,410!!!!!!!

That 3 QUADRILLION, ladies and gents. Dollars.

One word: LEECHES.

Let me quote the article here briefly:

"For the sake of perspective: A mere $1 quadrillion would dwarf the U.S. gross domestic product, which (an economist) said was $13.2 trillion in 2007. A stack of one quadrillion pennies would reach Saturn."

Seriously! What is WRONG with these people?! Some lawyer actually was able to say, with a straight face mind you, 'measuring Katrina's devastation in dollars and cents is a nearly impossible task."There's no way on earth you can figure it out," he said. "The trauma these people have undergone is unlike anything that has occurred in the history of our country."'

Oh, really?! They lost their homes in a completely foreseeable event that their utterly corrupt and contemptibly inept local government did NOTHING to prepare for, despite manifold opportunities AND resources! This is the greatest US tragedy of all time?! REALLY?!?!?!

I am very angry about this. My sympathy for ANY of these people who are involved in this legalized rape is non-existent. I'm honestly beginning to think we should just let that city sink back into the swamp from which it started. I'm DONE with New Orleans. They have gotten enough money to bring a third world country up into the second world! What are they doing with it?! Some people need to start being held accountable. It's an endless sinkhole of money and misery and WHINING, and I just want it to go away.

The Tao of Oreo

2007-10-30T12:27:00.000-07:00

So apparently Kraft Foods did a study in 2004. In it they asked 2,000 people across America how they like to eat their Oreos. Then they did personality screenings. They found some fun results.

If you're a dunker you are energetic, adventurous and extremely social.

If you bite(nibbles or popping it whole into your mouth) you are easy-going, self-confident and optimistic.

If you're a twister you are sensitive, emotional, artistic and trendy.

Interestingly, they found that primarily women are dunkers, men are biters, Republicans dunk and Democrats twist.

Me, myself, I am a combination, as I think most people are. I drown mine(youknow, hold it under until there are no more bubbles) then I pop it in whole. If you do it just right, you still get the satisfying crunch of a bite, but it doesn't cut your mouth to shreds.

I guess I should have known that all the answers would lay in a chocolate sandwich cookie.

Promote world peace! Eat your Oreos!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run to the store. I feel a sudden craving for a certain cookie.......

On the surface....

2007-10-20T18:28:00.000-07:00

The question posed here is a deceptively simple one: Does appearance matter?

I contend that it does. How you choose to present yourself makes an enormous impact on how the world chooses to respond to you. How you dress, how you speak, if you’re clean and well-groomed, if your clothes are in good repair and well-fitting, all of these things are factors in how the world perceives you and, thereby, what it’s willing to grant you in terms of its rewards. Is it a complete picture of your deepest, truest self? No! But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about making a surface judgment, based on surface elements. As long as you’re aware that it’s a surface judgment, and that there is something to discover beyond the surface, I fail to see the injustice. We have an outside surface that we present to everyone we meet. We have to start somewhere and, lacking telepathy, this is our best option.

There are those who say that to judge another solely by their appearance is a closed-minded bigotry. I would agree with that statement, and would venture to say that this is not what I am proposing to do. I am proposing that it’s not entirely outside the realm of reason to think that a person’s external state may offer some insight into his internal one.

An example was proffered that in a certain professional setting a kind of uniformity of dress was required to maintain employment. There was a great deal of unhappiness engendered by this mandate, owing to a feeling of being dictated to on a matter that is considered very personal. It was stated that I could not have gotten to know a person simply by looking at their uniform. I acknowledge this is truth. In a professional setting, however, you are representing something bigger than yourself, and it is accepted and, indeed, expected that your personality would be somewhat subjugated to that larger entity. In this case, it is not the goal to get to know a person deeply and meaningfully. It can often be a pleasant side-effect from working closely with a person for a long period of time, but it isn’t the primary goal, nor would it be appropriate for it to be such.

This is my point: Your appearance is a reflection of who are. Not a 3-D sculpture in full color, by any means, but a reflection, nonetheless. If it wasn’t, the professional wouldn’t be distressed in any way at the thought of maintaining an externally imposed dress standard. But instead, it feels like a violation, because it removes that surface indication of individual personality.

Appearance matters!

Freedom!

2007-10-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

These questions were posed in class, “Are we really free? Do we really have freedom of speech in this country? Is there censorship?”

Well, these are big questions, and rather interrelated, of course. My simple answer to all three of them is, yes.

We are free; at least by my definition of free. Meaning,we have the freedom to choose how to live our lives. If you decide to give up a lucrative career and go be a squid fisherman in Borneo, you are free to do so. No one will stop you.

You are free to choose anything. You just have to be aware that choices have consequences. If you’re going to define freedom as a complete lack of consequences, then no, you are not now, nor will you ever be, free. I see this problem in a lot of people. They seem to feel that just because they want something, that should be reason enough to get it, but they're seldom willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make it happen. Nor are they willing to take responsibility for the consequences. That's my biggest problem. People are so quick to demand their freedoms; their right to choose. But they are even more quick to abdicate their responsibilty for the consequence of the choice. They always want someone else to pay for it. That's not freedom. That's slavery.

As to the second question, this country has the freest speech you’re ever going to find. I would like to note, however, that what our forefathers intended by that amendment was the right to criticize the government. Not the right to be publicly offensive with impunity. When the Dixie Chicks had their little bout with public reactions, they were shocked and appalled that people responded so negatively. I think they were stupid not to see it coming! They viewed their actions as patriotic(which makes me question, not only their intellect, but their sanity). They had every right, under the Constitution, to say what they did, and if they had been in the States when they did it, the reaction would likely not have been as intense. But when you go to a foreign country and denigrate yours, you’ve crossed a line. I don’t feel sorry for them. Not even a little. You said what you had to say, and now you can deal with the consequences. I will never buy one of their albums. And I change the station if one of their songs comes on. That’s one of the consequences. They lose my patronage. That’s the thing most people seem unwilling to accept. You have the right to say whatever you want. You do not, however, have the right to an audience, let alone a warm and accepting one.

Question three: Is there censorship in America? Yes. And I’m glad. What the critics call censorship, I call discretion, and I’m deeply appreciative for the meager amounts that are currently circulating in our society. This criticism is usually lobbed by those who think Europe has the market cornered on “the way to live and be happy”. I do not wish to become as seemingly “enlightened” as our Western European friends. Pardon me, but didn’t we fight that whole Revolutionary War thing, so that we WOULDN’T become like them?! Further, has anyone else noticed that when Europeans say enlightened, what they are invariably talking about is sex? When, oh when, did sex become the pinnacle and beacon of all learning and knowledge?! I’m noticing this attitude seeping to our society with alarming thoroughness. People seem to feel that if we are not open to, actively engaged in and discussing sex of every kind that we are somehow lacking. We are hypocrites. NEWS FLASH: The fact that you engage in a behavior, does not automatically render it appropriate for public discussion!

On a side note, I find it to be an interesting juxtaposition that in France they will talk about sex at the drop of a hat, but it is considered beyond uncouth to discuss money in any form. No wonder they hate us! We are their antithesis!

So, to recap: Yes. We are really free. Free to choose, but not free to escape the consequences of our choice. Yes, we have freedom of speech. You can say whatever you like, but you're not guaranteed an audience or acceptance of what you have to say. Yes, we have censorship, and it's a good thing. It's true name is discretion. Not all information NEEDS to be out there.

The Myth of Multi-Culturalism

2007-10-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

I hate diversity. Don’t get me wrong. I understand its value, when used properly. But no one uses it properly anymore! It has been, like so many other good concepts, turned and twisted and mutated into something wholly wrong and undesirable by any sane, thinking person.

What do the proponents of diversity for its own sake hope to accomplish?

People are different from each other. I get that. I do. And I think most people are good, and when they strive for diversity, they are attempting to make people appreciate, rather than fear, those differences. But they’re missing some rather vital aspects, and have incorrectly defined the role diversity should play in the grand scheme of things.

First of all, they’re not taking into account human nature, and working within those parameters. We tend to be selfish beings. Our first thought is, “What’s in it for me?” Even those who are not actively selfish have little desire to help someone if it's going to cause damage to themselves. And rightly so! Diversity, as it is held forth today, has not satisfactorily answered the question of self-interest. It is held as a higher virtue, which is its own reward. Historically speaking, that is seldom a strong enough incentive to get the vast majority of people to adopt any particular attitude or behavior change. You must appeal to their self interest, and that is why diversity as a goal will never succeed. It's not in anyone's best interests.

Diversity as a vehicle to a goal, on the other hand, answers this fundamental question. We all have someplace to go and our differences can make sure that we all get there in such a way that we not only get what we wanted, we get a little extra. That’s what’s in it for me. I get what I want, and then some. If it happens that I help you get what you want, and then some, so much the better. And I like you better at the end of the journey. The differences work in everyone’s favor, instead of creating a competition over whose values and abilities and contributions are more valid, important, yada, yada, yada. Diversity as a goal simply puts an emphasis on the differences, rather than a mutual goal, and creates an atmosphere of dissent,judgment, conflict and resentment. This will never change.

The diversity pushers seem to feel we should just drop the judgment, but that’s another integral part of human nature. You have a will; a desire and an ability to choose. It is the core of being. But in order to use that with any degree of efficacy, you must have judgment. It is essential to our survival to be able to judge a good thing from a bad thing. No one can give that up and live. And until people figure out that diversity is merely a vehicle, we will continue to have the strife that currently pulses beneath our civilized veneers.

There are those who say that we have no right to say our culture is superior. I say to them, "Bull pucky!" Look at the empirical evidence! We are the most successful country in the world, and when we adhere to its founding principles, we are unbeatable. More importantly, when other countries use these same principles, they are more successful, too! This is not about geography. It's about principles. It always has been. And you cannot have more than one culture being dominant, or the country will rip itself to shreds. I get very angry when people call us a nation of immigrants, because they leave the sentence unfinished. We are a nation of immigrants WHO BECAME AMERICANS. We united under one culture. Proud of our individual heritages, most certainly, but loyalty to countries of origin never superseded loyalty to the chosen homeland. If there is ever a choice to be made between the two, America should win, hands down, in the hearts of every person who lives here. If it doesn't, get out. We don't want you here, any more than you want to be here.

While there may be countless sub-cultures, there can be only one main culture. Anything else is a recipe for destruction, and I don't have to be okay with that.

America is NOT a cultural Imperialist!

2007-10-20T11:37:00.000-07:00

I found myself pondering something in my philosophy class(the fruits of which will be seen with increasing regularity here, no doubt). While we were debating whether America is a cultural imperialist or not, I put forth that our system, and our country, were the best in the world. One of my classmates sneered, with no mean amount of derision, “So, our system is perfect?” My first impulse was to say, “No, of course it isn’t.” He answered with an emphatic, “No, it is not!”

I wish to amend my answer.

In the first place, my contention was not that our system was perfect, but that it was the best. Since when is perfection the litmus test for superiority? And secondly, which ought, perhaps, to have come first, our system is perfect. It was founded by God, upon principles that are eternal and immutable. The system is perfect. It is run, alas, by people, who are not, and never shall be. The fact that we execute the system imperfectly is not a poor reflection on the perfection of the concepts, but upon the perfection of our capabilities.

My country is not a cultural imperialist. We are a market society. We offer goods, services and ideas. There is no requirement to buy what we sell, on any level. If people are buying, however, and their ruling bodies don’t like it, they (the rulers) need to take it up with their citizens. We are not under any imperative to NOT share our culture. And, along those lines, why do so many Americans feel that everyone has a right to violently defend their cultures, EXCEPT US? Everyone in the world is entitled to their own beliefs, except Americans. We have to believe in everyone but ourselves. Otherwise we are charcterized as arrogant, domineering and imperialistic; forcing our views on the rest of the world. Poor, innocent, defenseless world at the mercy of big, mean, dumb America. PLEASE!

How long do people think we can be “one nation” with that attitude? And, more terrifyingly, what if that's why they're doing this? They don’t want to be one nation? What then? What do they seriously think will happen to all their freedoms when they get the nation they're trying so hard to build? They're going to find that the world they've built has no place for them. They will have fought hard to achieve self-annihilation. What really scares me is that I think some of them know that. And they're doing it anyway.

When I grow up.....

2007-10-09T19:45:00.000-07:00

What do you want to be when you grow up? You ask this of every child. But at some point you quit asking, because the growing up is done, and whatever you ARE is apparently what you want to be. And, clearly, I want to be a student. Because thats what I are. I find it frustrating to have thought that I had discovered what I wanted to be " when I grew up", only to discover that I am constitutionally unsuited for it. So now I have to try again. And try I shall, because I refuse to give up! I will have a real job one day "if it takes me the rest of my life, which may end at any minute!"

Not that I'm entirely sorry, mind you. I mean, think of how wretched it would have been to have finished school and gotten a JOB I was constitutionally unsuited for! But it's a tad wearying to be almost back at the starting line, after such a long and rather arduous journey.

But, in the immortal words of Mr. Mouskowitz, "Ah, Feivel! If growing up were easy, would it take so long?"

Map to Me

2007-08-22T18:56:00.000-07:00

Start in Spring, season of hope and beginnings, with a Mommy that has the greatest heart and mind you've ever encountered and a Daddy who's the perfect playmate. Have an older brother, strong, ruthless, and brave. Get a little sister who had her own spot in your heart from before time and will have one long after it, then a little brother who smells of innocence for longer than anyone should. Be adored by grandparents, and adore back. Live in the orange house. Play house in huge cardboard boxes. Eat food from the garden. Help Mommy can. Sing with Mommy. Dance with Mommy. Feel your heart race with your feet when you hear the music from the ice cream truck.

Start kindergarten. LOVE school. Learn that boys are fun to kiss. Find out you can't kiss until you're engaged. Get engaged the next day. Find out you can't be engaged until you're 18. Fear you'll be dead by then. Get a crush on neighbor boy. Get a crush on boy at school. Learn to do nothing about them. Finish second grade with a sick day. Be excited to finally be able walk to school. Move across town from new school.

Move into house that smells of old stories and friendly ghosts and has the funnest closets. Learn that older brother has a fantastic gift for scaring the daylights out of you, especially in the dark of the old house. Love the huge orchard. Eat unripe apples by the bucket with an apparently cast iron digestive system. Watch Grandpa build house for Mom. Have to be chased out of construction site by wooden spoon wielding Grandma. Sweep sawdust. Pick up scraps. Move dirt and rocks. Gain a favorable reputation in the hardware stores for organizing nuts, bolts and nails when in the shop with Grandpa. Get own room. Beautiful blue carpet. Get own bookshelf! Realize the joy of a double bed that doesn't have to be shared. Still share with sister for fun "sleepover" nights. Scratch each others backs until you fall asleep. Find a perfect moment, suspended in the clear, deep water of a newly filled pool on a random summer day. "Camp" in the basement. Play-act every musical you know. Be content not to be the star. Harbor tiny, but resigned spark of occasional renentment at never getting to be Leisl. Laugh at yourself. Speak fluent Movie-ese. Have entire conversations with family in said language. Laugh while Mom tickles Dad, and older brother keeps merciless time. Know you are loved. Make graham crackers with multi-colored icing on rainy days. Read. Sing. Suddenly realize that your little brother isn't so little. Feel a pang. Miss that smell of innocence. Listen to every record in your Mom's considerable (and cool) collection. Make it through elementary school, despite those pesky fractions. Have 2 good friends.

Begin middle school. Pierce your ears. OOOOOWWWW!!! Not realize just how much you need to grow into your face, and start being aware of WHEN picture day is until picture day. Stop listening to the stupid school photographer. Go to school with mascara on just one eye. Realize that your fellow students seem to have become idiots over the course of one summer. Decide that family is more important than friends. Find friends who think the same. Be invisible. Get good grades. Have bad people skills, and yet not really understand why people don't like you. Watch everyone and their dog get a boyfriend. Be lonely, but not really sorry. Not worth the price. Have unfashionably bad hair. Own first pair of fashionable jeans. Get braces. Still have 2 good friends.

High school. More of the same. Have first kiss with highly inappropriate person, which makes it all quite thrilling. Join volleyball, track and choir. Do fair in the the sports and well in the choir. Get a crush on a senior. Have him be kind. Still think the people your age are idiots. Lose the braces. Endure and Survive high school. Get out a year early. Still have 2 good friends.

Meet a boy who sees you. Likes you. Start writing to each other. Get engaged. Get married. Have some great first apartment stories. Have a perfect baby girl. Fall in love with shy dimples, sparkling, ocean blue eyes and baby belly laughs. Slowly realize that your husband doesn't really like you. He wants a porn life. Find out you don't like him, either. You're not a porn anything. But you're having another baby, whether you like him or not. You'll keep trying. Another beautiful girl. A little elf of a person. Quiet and still and watchful.

Decide you're tired of trying to become something you abhor just to make him like you when he doesn't want to. Leave. Connect with an old friend. Marry said friend because he offers shelter and healing. Heal. Learn you don't need to be sheltered anymore. Discover he still needs to shelter. Go back to being just friends. Get your own place. Re-discover the joy of a double bed you don't have to share(but have a part of you long to share a king size). Still share occasionally with your girls for snuggle time and chats.

Invite God back into your life. Learn to know your parents and siblings as adults. Go to school. Learn to see yourself. Embrace your strength. Live in your power. Be a year from having what you want or the ability to get it. Learn that you always had it. You're here.

Blogthings

2007-07-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

I am currently obsessed with Blogthings. You know, those fun little surveys that I give entirely too much credence to? This is the Web version of a psychic 900 number, I swear. Ooo, I wonder what kind of kisser I am? Or what Goddess am I? (for the record, I'm Psyche). I do not ruin relationships with men (I choose to ignore that whole twice-divorced thing), I am a low maintenence woman, a passionate kisser, and a good girlfriend (still waiting for people to catch on to that one) whose power element is water( a fact I find mildly unnerving as my astrological sign is fire)and should be living in 1953. My true love will find me eventually, and it would seem he'll be an earth sign. I'm also ready to get married, apparently, though in no hurry. And I'm a chocolate mocha and orange cheesecake. Who knew?

You Are Psyche!

Eternally in search of purpose and insight.

You're curious and creative with a total sense of wonder.

Totally empathetic, you pick up on other's moods easily.

Just be sure to pamper yourself as well!

What Goddess Are You?

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world

So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time

You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...

But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.

Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.

Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.

Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

2007-05-30T13:57:00.000-07:00

Take the Quiz here!

:: E M M A ::

You are Emma Woodhouse of Emma! You like being the queen of your social circle (small and provincial as it may be), and feel it's your duty to help those less influential than you. You often meddle in the affairs of others, though you do it with a pure heart. You are often deluded in your flights of fancy, but your good intentions and creative spirit make you someone anyone could like.

Well, it took me a minute to get used to this, but yeah. That's me.

The Sound of My Fury

2007-04-25T17:06:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe what I have just received in the mail today. Somehow I was unaware that Premiere magazine is no more. And as I have a subscription through the end of next year, they are foisting me off onto US Weekly. I'm getting a tabloid instead of a real magazine about movies! The least they could have done was foist me off within the same genre! I don't care about the celebrities, except when it comes to what they have coming out in the nearest cineplex! I don't care who's dating whom, who's cheating on whom, who's making out with whom, who's in rehab again, IT'S ALL NOTHING BUT STUPID RIDICULOUSNESS. I just want to know about movies, okay? Is that too much to ask? And I liked doing it on paper. I liked being able to take it with me if I felt like it. I liked the pretty pictures and the fun articles. NOW what do I do? Huh?! HUH?!?!?
Where can I go to find information about movies BEFORE they hit the theaters? I don't want to hear critical review. Frankly, I have little use for critics. I canmake up my own mind about what I like. Leah Rosen is the movie critic for People magazine and she is my polar opposite in movie taste. So if she loves it< I can pretty much guarantee I'll hate it and vice versa. I just want an overview of the storylines and some fun stories from on-set. I don't think that's asking too much. And I am going to miss Libby Gelman-Waxner's column like you wouldn't believe.

I'm in mourning. It's just not right.

I hate shopping.....

2007-03-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

I've always thought that shopping must be easier, and therefore more enjoyable(on pretty much every level), when you are slim.

I've changed my mind.

I am, of course, nothing resembling slim at the moment, but this is irrelevant. I have done some looking into my past and I have realized that even when I was slim, I hated shopping. I walk into a retail clothing establishment and every ounce of joy and energy drains from my body. Within 15 minutes, my head feels like it wants to float to the ceiling or sink down through my spinal cord. My eyes feel like they're about 3 sizes too big for their sockets and that said sockets are lined with sand. If I didn't know it wasn't possible, I'd swear I was allergic to shopping. I should make clear that this reaction is largely engendered by shopping for clothing. I can spend an entire day in Borders, Barnes and Noble, Hastings, even Office Depot and I'm just great. Maybe if clothes came with a back pocket blurb (like on a book jacket) that let me know wether I would enjoy this item of clothing, it'd be a little less pressure-filled. But no. I have to go remove my clothes so many times my hair looks like the perpetual victim of an electrical storm, while I try to squeeze my uncooperative body with it's lumps of varying sizes and shapes into clothing that makes few allowances for said lumps.

And another thing..........

Do market analysts never figure out that flourescent lighting is perhaps the most depression-inducing lighting on the face of the planet today? Forget Prozac and all those other drugs. BAN FLOURESCENT LIGHTING! Do you know anyone who looks good in it's glare? You could put the most beautiful person on the planet under those lights(that being subjective, I'll let you fill in the blank for who you think that should be) and they would still look sallow-skinned and ill. Then you add to that fact that the harsh lighting is way overhead. Anyone who's taken any art classes knows what kind of hideously unflattering shadows that casts. Even if you have but the tiniest pooch of a belly, overhead lighting will maximize it. Shadows under your eyes? Worse! Bags under your eyes? Tripled in size! The shadow cast by multiple chins could cause a solar eclipse. It's just not right. I want new clothes because I already feel awful in my old ones. If you want me to frequent your establishment, make sure I feel good being there! Make sure the music playing doesn't sound like it comes from a video game, that the lighting at least makes an attempt to be kind, and that the prices don't make me want to swallow my tongue.

That's all I'm saying.

2007-03-27T14:38:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am. Dragged into the new millenium by my sister who is, as ever, the queen of all things Cool and Cutting Edge. Of course, that's pretty much how I progress in all matters technical. Someone has to drag me into the present. I mean, I just barely bought my first cell phone, and even now I'm not really sure I want it. I keep it off most of the time anyway, so why have it?! Oh, I know, I know. It's for "emergencies". I just never want to reach a day when my definition of an emergency changes just because I have the ability to communicate it to another person.

But that aside, I'm a little leery of this whole blogging thing. I have no problem talking. None. It's the talking even when I've run out of anything to say. It's the question of whether or not anyone else will actually be interested in what I have to say. Every writer's greatest fear; that I will pour out my soul and hear only the applause of the crickets. But here goes anyway. Who knows? Maybe the cricket market is vastly under-represented, and I'll find my niche there.