Monday, January 4, 2010

Thoughts on Celebrity, aka Meandering Through the Wonderwall

Okay, I admit it. I love following the entertainment industry. I don't have any particularly stalkerish tendencies, though. I follow in a general sense, and also generally try to stick to good news types of things. But the Wonderwall is my weakness.

Today, I am looking at several entries and thought I'd just lay my opinions (unasked for though they may be) out there.

Linsay Lohan has pledged to make some changes in this new year. Can I get a group petition going that appeals to her to allow both her natural hair and skin colors emerge for a while? And maybe request that she put in some, I don't know, WORK this year? There have been no movies, no albums. The biggest thing I heard of was her collaboration with a make-up lady (sorry the name of the profession escapes me right now) in the creation of a Tan-in-a-Can. While I'm sure we're all willing to admit that she is an expert on fake tanning...and real tanning, for that matter, it just seems like someone with the talents that she has (and she does have them) ought to be doing something besides being followed around hoping for a glimpse into her totally screwed up personal life. I acknowledge that that is just a part of the celebrity deal. Still, one could hope that she would at least make an attempt to balance it a little with actually producing something besides scandal.

I am officially half way to old. I can still listen to music, I just can't look at the people who produce it anymore. They are....disturbing, to say the least. Maybe I'm just old enough to know that making people talk isn't a good enough reason to do something idiotic.

I like several of Lady Gaga's songs, for example, but looking at her makes me want to drop that last A from her name, if you know what I mean.

I like many of Christina Aguilera's songs as well, and I absolutely adore her powerhouse of a voice, but for some reason, she seems to have taken it into her head that being sexually liberated means dressing like a two dollar hooker. I will admit that since she had her son, her public appearance has improved considerably. God bless that boy!

And will someone please tell Mariah Carey that she is no longer the nineteen year old stunner she used to be, and to get a bra that fits and stop wearing clothes that are three sizes too small?! It's not sexy. You look ridiculous. Redefine sexy for yourself (and all of our sakes), I'm begging you.

Rosie O'Donnell has a new girlfriend. Rosie O'Who? Who is this woman?! I remember there used to be a really funny, reasonably good actress by that name. But this bitter hag cannot be she. I am tired of this person who is impersonating Rosie. Would the real Rosie please stand up? And if it turns out the funny, talented one was the fake, could we please have the fake instead?

Charlie Sheen and current wife might be reconciling. Oh, goody! 'Cause nothing says "You misunderstood the depth of my love for you" like holding your spouse at knifepoint. This is the second time this guy has married after too brief an aquaintance and procreated on an accelrated schedule, only to go stark raving nuts. Seriously, dude. Tie your tubes, please. At least then your divorces will be relatively quick and clean.

It turns out that Nicolas Cage isn't being sued for nearly as much as was previously thought. A mere $3 million as opposed to $36 million. I'm sorry, but why is this news? This is a correction blurb. He's still being sued for taking out a loan he had no intention or ability to repay. He still owes back taxes for several years, and he still continues to live a lifestyle he can't afford. He's still a schmuck who didn't pay his bills or keep his promises. Is this supposed to make me think he ISN'T any of those things? Well, hey. Maybe he can get in good with Obama and become the Hollywood czar. Then he'd fit right in with all the other czars who don't pay their taxes and spend money they don't have.

Tila Tequila, that bastion of sensibility, gentle femininity and decorum, is NOT pregnant. Yet. So, her New Year's resolution is to threaten to continue her genetic line? Lovely. I don't know about any of you, but I might be convinced to donate to a Spay Tila campaign. In fairness she's talking about being a surrogate for her brother and sister-in-law. That's a relief because frankly, this woman (she is a woman, right?) is everything that is wrong with the world today in one crude, vulgar, liposuctioned, silicon-stuffed, lycra-coated, over-mascaraed capsule. As far as I can see, this woman's only talent is to be disgusting. Why are people paying attention to her? She openly admits that she feels free to go absolutely nuts on the Internet only because she knows her family will never see it. How pathetic is it that you deliberately created a life that the people you love will never be a part of?!

Jon Gosselin. Really, is there anything more to add? I mean, this guy is a black hole! I never saw the show with his family. I'm not a fan of reality TV. As far as I'm concerned, the show contributed to the demise of his family, but the choices are always ultimately ours, aren't they?  Rather than acknowledge that living life under constant public scrutiny was too much of a strain for his family to survive and getting back to real life with the prioroty of keeping his family intact, he threw them under the bus and he seems to be driving his entire life into the ground. The woman/child he committed adultery with is no longer with him (don't know who dumped who) and now she can't stand him, either (though she should be utterly ashamed of herself, too). Honestly, he seems to think that he deserves the spotlight, though I'm not sure he'd be able to say what exactly about him is so deserving. Yet another example of what happens when you demand to be treated with a respect you haven't earned. Ka-BLOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!! Be a man, Jon. Put your family first and put it back together.

1 comment:

Kristen said...

hahahahaha You had my lol! You also make some very important points. My fav. being about Ms. Carey. lol
"tell Mariah Carey that she is no longer the nineteen year old stunner she used to be, and to get a bra"
Could NOT agree more. lol