Wednesday, January 21, 2009

You Might Be a Mormon If...........

-its not "the early bird catches the worm" its, "the seminary student gets into college"

-you say "provo", "salt lake", or "palmyra" without the state and automatically assume that the whole world knows where those places are

-there is a son on a mission and mom is pregnant with another.

-you know what a "fireside" is

-You go to a church potluck and there is every type of jello imaginable

-8 kids in a family is "average"

-your 14th and 16th birthdays are the best birthdays of your life

-you think "heck" is the place for people who do not believe in "gosh"

-you know how to pronounce and spell Mahonri Moriancumer

-you know what ZL, DL, AP, PPI, BYC, SYC, YSA, GA, EQP, EFY, YC, CTR, and BYU all stand for

-Modest is Hottest

-Youth Conference, EFY, and Girls Camp are the best 3 weeks of the year!

-mormon movies are amazing and Kirby Heyborne is your hero

-you drive into the church parking lot and at least half the lot is filled with 12 passenger vans

-you "Bless this food to nourish and strengthen" your body before eating doughnuts

-going 24 hours without eating is no longer a challenging thing

-a "Caffeine High" is eating a king size chocolate bar

-pick-up lines are the greatest things ever!

-"How many wives does your dad have?" is often the first question asked when someone finds out that you're mormon

-parents are disappointed if their kid "only" got into Harvard

-buying a prom dress is the most difficult thing of your life

-"Mormon, mormon, mormon, mormon,
Mormon, mormon, mormon, mormon.

I know a mormon boy,
He is my pride and joy.

He knows most everything from Alma on down
Someday I'll be his wife,
We'll share eternal life.

Oh how I Love that mormon boy!

We are the mormon girls,
We wear our hair in curls.

We love to laugh and sing and have a lot of fun
We are the biggest flirts,
We don't wear mini-skirts.

Oh how we love our mormon boys!

-you have more than one aunt/uncle that is younger than you

-the "EFY Medley" is your favorite song

-"Is the spirit telling you what its telling me?"

-writing in your journal is a daily event

-"I can't...I'm Mormon" has been an excuse on more than one occasion

-piano was your first instrument

-your mom is pregnant at the same time you are

-you have 3 or more BYU sweatshirts/shirts

-John Bytheway is your favorite comedian

-you refer to the Cougars as "we"

-you're the fastest one on the road

-a keg party consists of rootbeer

-BYU has been you're dream school since you were 5

-you either live in, have many friends from, or are from Utah

-"So, what color is your toothbrush?"

-being a "rebel" is drinking Mountain Dew more than twice in one week

-lumberjack, the newspaper game, and ride that pony are your 3 favorite games

-there are more women pregnant in your ward than not

-you consider a great date watching The Princess Bride!

- The laying on of hands has nothing to do with physical violence.

- Your hobby is work for the dead.

-you've ever pushed 120mph in a 55mph zone on the way to a church dance

- You've ever had your alarm set for 4:45 am

- Your first date was when you were 16 to a Church Dance and your parent was a chaperone.

-all your dishes have your name written on them with masking tape

-you think Jell-O is one of the basic food groups

-at least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house

-you have never arrived at a meeting on time

-you have more wheat stored in your basement than most third world countries

-you've already got your order in for volume 50 of "The Work and The Glory"

-you think it's all right to watch football on Sundays as long as a direct descendant of Brigham Young is playing

-you have to guess more than five times the name of the child you're disciplining

-you automatically assume that BYOB means, Bring Your Own Burgers

-you go to a party and someone spikes the punch with Pepsi

-you arrive to an activity an hour late and are the first person there

-"Oh my Heck!" is your idea of swearing

-before "The Discussion" in fifth grade you think people get pregnant by praying for babies

-You say "the scriptures" instead of "the bible" and people are confused

-You knew how to iron your own white shirts/dresses before you were ten

-Quadruple combinations are passed down through generations

-The best present on your eighth birthday is a set of scriptures with your name EMBOSSED on the front cover

-You are the only person in your high school's theatre department who knows how to tie a necktie . . . and have to do so for every guy wearing one on stage . . .
and you're a girl

-An evening's hi-jinks involve "heart attacks" or "forking"

-You go to college and only know how to cook dishes in amounts of seven portions or more

-You think that spending more than three hours at church on Sunday is normal

-You think that the deacons, teachers, and priests in your church are either cute or really obnoxious

-You know exactly what Beehives, Mia Maids, and Laurels are, and have to explain what those are to your friends

-Your family owns a wheat grinder, bread machine, and vacuum packer

-you think the only sensible way to buy groceries is in bulk

-You know how to make brownies/cookies/frosting/muffins/pancakes/waffles from scratch

-You know what "from scratch" means

-Your family's satellite subscription package includes BYU Radio and BYU-TV

-You have more than one religious picture/statue in your home including in your bathroom and the rooms of you and your siblings

-You have never had your own room and will never have your own room because you go from home to college and college to marriage

-You think that sharing your dorm room with only ONE roommate is a luxurious arrangement

-You carry a military size Book of Mormon in your purse so that you have something to read if you get stuck waiting somewhere

-You think it's rude to call or come to someone's home unannounced on Monday night

-You look forward to yearly temple trips with Christmas-like anticipation (and then when a temple is built ten minutes from your house you drive by at every opportunity)

-You know that the "golden dude" on top of the temple is NOT doing a karate kick, but is holding a trumpet

-Your family spends more than 500 dollars on groceries each month at Costco

- Boys in your family are not allowed to drive until they reach Eagle Scout rank

-You think foreign language class in high school is good practice for your mission

-Your home room class (which was Seminary) raises more money during the Penny Drive than the rest of the school . . .

-You feel like you've really missed out if you get sick on Sunday, especially if it's BYD Sunday

-You plan on spending your retirement years on missions

-Your favorite lunch hang-out is the Seminary building

-Your life is not complete without 1) passing off all six years of Girl's Camp 2)Earning your Young Womanhood Recognition award 3) Graduating Seminary 4)Graduating Institute and 5) Getting married in your favorite temple

-The only experience you've had with a Margarita is getting baptized for ten of them on your first temple trip... ( HAHAHAHAHAHAA! that is so funny!! )

-you get these jokes and you'll invite all your mormon friends to join

*Thanks to Jeff Foxworthy for coming up with most of these!*


Melain said...

Most of those were just ridiculous. Some of them were true. All of them feed the stereotype. *sigh*

Marni's Organized Mess said...

That is hilarious.