Friday, October 31, 2008

Exercising Advice

1. For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.

2. The only reason I took up jogging was to hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spending $500 in the process. I haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.*snort* What's up with that?!

4. I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

5. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

6. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier.

7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. If you are going to take up cross-country skiing, it helps to start with a small country. Say, Vatican City.

9. I don't jog; it makes me spill my milk shake.

10. Actually, I don't exercise at all. If we were meant to touch our toes, we would have them farther up on our bodies.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sad News

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is
worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went
unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Pokey'
died peacefully at the age of 93*. The most traumatic part for his family was
getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble

Shut up. You know it's funny.

*Note: I have no idea if the guy is really dead or not.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Would the Real Mama Please Stand Up?

A friend of mine e-mailed this to me, and danged if I didn't stand up and cheer. I'm sure there are those who would insist that there was no need to embarrass the child, but honestly! He stole something! He should be embarrassed. That is one awesome Mama. Kudos from the Sisterhood, woman! You're doin' great!

Can't you just picture it?

Oh, look. There's a young man with a sign by the side of the road. I wonder if it's a car...wash....?

Did that say what I thought it said?! Yes! It did!!!

*snerk* Oh, man! He does not look happy. Neither does his mom. Hooooooooo!! You go, Mom!!!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

In Memory of Summer

Well, here I am again. The weather is beginning to turn cold in fits and starts. The days are getting shorter and people are getting back to the serious business of life, more's the pity. But I have preserved my summer in bits and pieces, from the sunsets and rainbows, to my work environment that's bound to have you sighing in envy or at least nostalgia. So, I now force them on you share them with you.

My home is situated in exactly the right place for Rainbow Watching. When it rains and the sun comes out, we are almost invariably treated to the whole arch, not just a halfbow.

We are also often thrilled with a double.

These are probably a couple of my faves, though.

I hope I never take rainbows for granted.

Now for my job. As a student, I am blessed to be able to have rather childlike summers. I still work, of course, but my job is a lot of fun. I work at my local Aquatic Center (aka The Pool). Here's the back of my shirt. (Which was incredibly unflattering to my short, corpulent form, and which I ditched as quickly as possible.)

But the view more than made up for the unfortunate fashion choices........

But, the best part of this job is that it lets me spend time with my kids......

.......something I hope none of us will take for granted.

Friday, October 3, 2008

What are they THINKING?!

I think it's abundantly clear that governement has gotten entirely too greedy. Congress is now ADDING $150 BILLION of pork to this "Rescue Package" for the economy. They are bribing themselves to get this thing through. And it was a bad idea to begin with!! The market doesn't need to be bailed out. This is just business, and the government DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE A HEAD FOR BUSINESS. IF they want to help, they should pass laws that say executives who are found to be engaging in illegal activities forfeit their severance packages. And then they go to jail! THAT'S what their job is. NOT feeding money into this. That will only screw things up more.

Here is a quick look into 3 former Fannie Mae executives who have brought down Wall Street.

Franklin Raines was a Chairman and Chief Executive Officer at Fannie Mae. Raines was forced to retire from his position with Fannie Mae when auditing discovered severe irregulaties in Fannie Mae's accounting activities. At the time of his departure The Wall Street Journal noted, " Raines, who long defended the company's accounting despite mounting evidence that it wasn't proper, issued a statement late Tuesday conceding that "mistakes were made" an d saying he would assume responsibility as he had earlier promised. News reports indicate the company was under growing pressure from regulators to shake up its management in the wake of findings that the company's books ran afoul of generally accepted accounting principles for four years." Fannie Mae had to reduce its surplus by $9 billion.

Raines left with a "golden parachute valued at $240 Million in benefits. The Government filed suit against Raines when the depth of the accounting scandal became clear. . The Government noted, "The 101 charges reveal how the individuals improperly manipulated earnings to maximize their bonuses, while knowingly neglecting accounting systems and internal controls, misapplying over twenty accounting principles and misleading the regulator and the public. The Notice explains how they submitted six years of misleading and inaccurate accounting statements and inaccurate capital reports that en abled them to grow Fannie Mae in an unsafe and unsound manner." These charges were made in 2006. The Court ordered Raines to return $50 Million Dollars he received in bonuses based on the miss-stated Fannie Mae profits.

Tim Howard - Was the Chief Financial Officer of Fannie Mae. Howard "was a strong internal proponent of using accounting strategies that would ensure a "stable pattern of earnings" at Fannie. In everyday English - he was cooking the books. The Government Investigation determined that, "Chief Financial Officer, Tim Howard, failed to provide adequate oversight to key control and reporting functions within Fannie Mae,"

On June 16, 2006, Rep. Richard Baker, R-La., asked the Justice Department to investigate his allegations that two former Fannie Mae executives lied to Congress in October 2004 when they denied manipulating the mortgage-finance giant's income statement to achieve managem ent pay bonuses. Investigations by federal regulators and the company's board of directors since concluded that management did manipulate 1998 earnings to trigger bonuses. Raines and Howard resigned under pressure in late 2004.

Howard's Golden Parachute was estimated at $20 Million!

Jim Johnson - A former executive at Lehman Brothers and who was later forced from his position as Fannie Mae CEO. A look at the Office of Federal Housing Enterprise Oversight's May 2006 report on mismanagement and corruption inside Fannie Mae, and you'll see some interesting things about Johnson. Investigators found that Fannie Mae had hidden a substantial amount of Johnson's 1998 compensation from the public, reporting that it was between $6 million and $7 million when it fact it was $21 million." Johnson is currently under investigation for taking illegal loans from Countrywide while serving as CEO of Fannie Mae.
Johnson's Golden Parachute was estimated at $28 Million.


Change We Can Believe In

FRANKLIN RAINES? Raines works for the Obama Campaign as Chief Economic Advisor

TIM HOWARD? Howard is also a Chief Economic Advisor to Obama

JIM JOHNSON? Johnson hired as a Senior Obama Finance Advisor and was selected to run Obama's Vice Presidential Search Committee

IF OBAMA PLANS ON CLEANING UP THE MESS - HIS ADVISORS HAVE THE EXPERTISE - THEY MADE THE MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE. Would you trust the men who tore Wall Street down to build the New Wall Street?