Monday, May 26, 2008

The Only Pets I Have are Peeves

We all have them. Those ridiculous little things that really aren't a big deal, except that....they are. These are a few of mine in no particular order:
    Chewing with your mouth open. Honestly, is there anything more revolting than listening to someone masticate and watching the process happen in wet, flopping motions, while the tongue looks as though it's going to just push it all right back out onto the table? And I'm pretty sure it's not just a cultural thing, either. You know how in some cultures it's rude not to belch after a good meal? It's supposed to show appreciation (whatever!)but, to my knowledge, there isn't a single culture that doesn't find this habit repulsive. Bad grammar/spelling, and the use of fictional words (used as though they are real words), incorrect usage of words and ....You know, let's just simplify this and say Bad English. Ok. Spelling isn't as big a deal, as a general rule. As long as I get what's trying to be said, I can usually let it pass without too much annoyance, but with the advent of spellcheck, the really egregious errors are mostly avoidable. Grammar is a different thing. Truly, you should not be able to graduate if you don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'! If you can't even spell college, you shouldn't get to go until you can! And for the record:
      1.Orientated is NOT A WORD. It's oriented. 2. Neither is mis-chiev-I-ous. The correct pronunciation is (phonetically) miss-chiv-us. There is no I. I've corrected several of my ENGLISH teachers on this one. 3. The 'T' in often in silent. Just like it is in soften. Do you use sof-TENNER? I think not. 4. I saw a question recently that nearly made my head explode. It said, and I quote, "Have you ever road the subway?" First of all, road. ROAD?!?! SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! And secondly, do people not understand tenses anymore?! 5. It is should have, not should of. What sounds like should of is, in fact, a contraction of should have and looks like this: SHOULD'VE. 6. The correct use of the word nauseous almost never happens. A thing that is nauseous causes the sensation of nausea. When you feel the sensation of nausea, you are nauseated. If you say you feel nauseous, you are saying that you are making everyone around you feel nauseated. Pretty sure that's not what ya meant to say! 7. Punctuation and capitalization are important. I don't care for this style of typing that looks like this- i totally think that yeah huh okay do you wanna u no? This is not language. This is laziness. I do not text for the simple reason that I refuse to be an accessory to the murder of the English language. 8. Another made-up word: BOUGHTEN. Not real, people. Not real.

When people speed up to pass you, like they can't stand being behind your slow-pokery for one more second, only to slow down to 10 mph BELOW the speed limit once they get in front of you. I do not understand this behavior. Either you're in a hurry or you're not. 100 yards should not change that! When I pass someone, I pretty much leave them in the dust. I DO NOT SLOW DOWN.

The contention that people do not cause reality, they merely reflect it. Oh, please! The media is particularly guilty of this one, as are many artistic communities. To say that art merely reflects life without influencing it is patently absurd. In fact, I'll call it what it: STUPID. The things you put out into reality have an a effect on it. It's a cycle. To say anything else smacks of a desperate desire to squirm out of responsibility for our part in creating the particular lousiness of any reality. For example, violent movies and games DO encourage violence in reality, because they make a person comfortable with the idea of it. And that is the first step toward becoming comfortable with the reality of it.

When people say reject a solutionbut have no other feasible solutions to offer (i.e., "War is not the answer") . Oh, war sucks, don't get me wrong. But it's not inherently evil and is actually a very effective tool. There are things that are worth dying for. If you have nothing in your life you would die for, you have not sufficiently opened yourself to living. In short, unless you have a well thought out option that has a chance of succeeding in the reality we currently inhabit, then either say you haven't thought it through, or keep it to yourself.

Ruffles on Plus-Sized bathing suits. Now honestly, what is that supposed to accomplish? Yeah, let me add an extra yard of bunched up fabric at my hips! That'll camouflage 'em!

Along this same line, when people dress in clothing that doesn't fit them. I'm sure we've all noticed this trend. Boys wear clothing that they could fit four of themselves into and girls wear stuff that they can fit half of themselves into. I have seen more upper glutes than I ever wanted to. If your body billows out from where your clothes stop, they're too small. Try the next size up. Conversely, if you can't even find a body part in all the yardage, your clothes are too big. I promise you guys, nothing says loser like aguy who looks like he buys his clothes from the Biggest Loser's Before shop.

Okay, that's it for now. I'm really not a raving lunatic. I just have these few little quirks. What about you, bloggers? What are your most treasured annoyances?


Melissa said...

Oh my gosh, I will have to do a post about this, too. I totally agree with you about all the English stuff. Drives me nuts! Now you've really got me thinking.

Anonymous said...

As a writer - I could add a dozen more to that part of the list, and as an Amazon woman, I so totally agree with the whole idea of ruffles. Whoever thought that up should die - right beside the people who design size ten women's shoes!

Melissa said...

By the way, chewing with your mouth open and talking is socially acceptable in Japan--but only if you're a man. Slurping is also acceptable, by both sexes.

Honey said...

Um. I LIKE to make up words. Seriously. I do. I even like to hyphenate them to make a new one, if I can't come up with a suitable word. It's fantabulous to be able to extend our language when in need. ;) Just saying. Don't be a hater.

* mwah *

Claudia said...

You know what is nice? When you actually sign in and comment using the RIGHT email. Honey=Claudia

Anonymous said...

Hi BG,
I followed you home from Dad Gone Mad...and I have to tell you, I feel freat sympathy for people in the clothes that don't fit or become them...they need a best friend and obviously don't have one.
I have many peeves, I must say. But the one of the worst is that I have 3 portable phones and 4 children. I turn into a raving lunatic because when I am alone, and the phone rings, there is nary a phone to be found.
I am stinker for pronunciation. If you say, "Michigan" you should hear a hard G. not a c -phonetically mishi-can!! Or Windy's for Wendy's Restaurant with an E!!(I live in the South)
You do not cut on a light to illuminate a room- you turn on the light, samd for cut off the lights.
oh I could keep going all day!! Thanks for a good laugh.

Anonymous said...

And my typing stinks, didn't proof it!

Jamie said...

Just discovered your blog and love it!! I'm glad you brought up this particular topic, because although there are very few things I am very fussy about, one particular thing drives me insane. I believe there is a special place in hell for able-bodied people who refuse to return their shopping carts to the corral, thereby leaving them to roam the parking lot seeking out random vehicles (ya know, MINE, for example), or to take up valuable spaces where someone could actually park their car. Grrrr. There, I feel better. :-)

Christy said...

Not many thing bother me, but I am annoyed by small noises - like my husband drumming on the table or my baby shaking a rattle or my toddler kicking her crib rails. AHHHH! It drives me insane.

Melissa said...

Jamie, don't know if you'll check back on this or not, but I just wanted to say that I used to be like you when it came to shopping carts left in random spots about the parking lot. Then I had children. And now I understand. Because I will not leave my children cooped up in a 100+ degree van while I walk clear across the parking lot to return the cart. Same thing for when it's really cold. So even though I hate doing, I do sometimes leave a cart where it doesn't belong, because the safety of my children means more to me than returning it.

Anonymous said...

I don't mind shopping carts so much. If I park near one, I just grab it and take it in with, saves the trouble of finding one inside the store. But I'm a bit mean to them when they're in the way - hey, they have wheels, they'll scoot out of the way if you nudge them with a bumper! Kind of like driving through a herd of sheep...

Shirley said...

Found you from Claudia's blog. :-)

I am with you on many of these issues.

-I am definitely not a fan of the shortened (i.e., wrong) misspellings of words, like Quik and Xmas (that one especially can be used a million times over and you won't find me using it--yuck).

-I can't stand mispronunciations where an extra syllable or letter is added. Masonry and realty are my pet peeves that come to mind in this area. These are two-syllable words only. has audio now for words--that's fabulous! Sadly, I think people will continue to say them wrong, because they hear them mispronounced over and over again.

-I totally agree on "your" and "you're." I never cease to be shocked when I am slapped in the face with those grievous errors. Ouch. Another one that pains me is "it's" being used instead of "its." One is a contraction means "it is" and the other is a possessive pronoun; e.g., "The cat licked its paw."

-I believe most men still design women's clothing and, frankly, they design for "tits on a stick." That's what we called a friend's ideal women. (Yes, the lack on any mention of a brain is intentional.) Ruffles and flourishes do NOT camouflage, they only emphasize.

-Shopping carts should be returned. I had a child and I returned the shopping cart. But, that said, I only had ONE child and now that he is grown and gone and my hands are free, I actually return other people's shopping carts to their proper place. Maybe I'll start a revolution and will prevent any errant shopping cart torpedo from one day damaging my car (or yours).

-Friends who send you newsy emails to which you respond, in kind, immediately and then you hear NOTHING for weeks or even months.

-Sticky spots on the floor from DH who dribbles OJ when drinking from his container. (Thank goodness he has many redeeming qualities.) I just hate to "stick" to the floor. A simple wipe up never does the trick and soon I am mopping the floor.

-People who don't use turn signals or turn them on after they have braked and/or are turning.

-Folks in high places who don't use spell check in emails and/or re-read their emails before they send them out. Embarrassing.

-Cashiers/sales people who act like you are bothering them and don't greet you or say "thank you" at the end of the transaction. Or, similarly, people you do a kindness for, like holding a door open, who say nothing. I have actually said "you're welcome" before, but then felt like a jerk myself. That happened recently when I contributed to a high school student who was fundraising door to door. After I gave her $10, she didn't say thank you or anything ... just sort of smirked. (This situation is not the norm for high school students or a comment on them at all. It's just a comment on non-mannerly types.)

-Back to English ... dangling modifiers. "This is the worst I've ever experienced." What is "this" referencing? How about "This situation is the worst I've ever experienced."

I am sure there are more ... too many more! LOL Even with my gripes about English, I KNOW I don't speak or write perfectly all the time. I am grateful that my friends don't critique me, so I try to return the favor. ;-)

beth♥ said...

I'm with you 100% on the word thing. The one that irritates the most is "irregardless" .... ugh! I do, however, make up words.

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Melain said...

OK. I'm calling you out on the "made up words" peeve. You make up the coolest words EVER and use them without abandon, and I LOVE that. It's when people use made up words NOT KNOWING that they're fake, like "irregardless."

I'm honored that you took my post suggestion. It turned out just lovely.

Shirley said...

It hit me while eating dinner with hubby that I said masonry and realty were two-syllable words ... uh, brain fart ... I meant three syllable. In any regard, it's sort of like your pet peeve about mischievious.

"irregardless" is a good one.

Like Melain said, I think made up words can be fun in the right context.

Avon said...

I agree. I hate anyways. Some of my own children use that one. I can't say my nagging helped.