First of all, I'd like to point out that those freaks in Texas have NOTHING to do with my religion. They can claim that fundamentalist crap all they want to, but all I'm gonna do is hand them a shovel and tell them to keep diggin'. And I'll wear a sturdy pair of noseplugs to block the stench of what they're shovelling. How's that for religious tolerance, huh?!
I have no patience for this sort of thing. My religion is little enough understood as it is, but to have people associating this kind of evil with it really chaps my hide.
For the record:
- Polygamous Mormon is an oxymoron. It was a practice of limited scope and duration, and has not been used in over a century. Let it go, people!!
- Anyone who treated their kids the way those people have would be ex-communicated before you could say Joseph Smith.
- We do not hide from the world. Indeed, we are encouraged constantly to "be in the world, but not of it".
- We do not believe the world is populated with Satan's minions. People are good!
- We are encouraged to educate ourselves, to be of service (both personally and civically), to keep our minds and bodies pure, to create homes that are havens for our families and their friends, to be loving, honest and honorable.
- We believe in the power of repentance, faith and forgiveness.
- We DO NOT believe in isolation, torture or repression or in forcing people to do ANYTHING.
- We believe in eternal families, eternal life, and eternal joy.
- We believe that pretty much everybody is going to make it to heaven.
- We are, first and foremost, believers in, followers of, and delighters in Christ. He is our Rock and our Salvation. There is none other before Him. It is our goal to pattern our lives after Him, so that through Him, we may return to our beloved Father.
Along this note of fallacies, misapprehensions and downright falsehoods that seem to float endlessly around regarding my LDS faith, my friend Colton and I were comparing some of our favorites. My personal favorite has to be a tie between my high school finance teacher assuring me with grave intensity that he "knew all about the Ceremony of the Squirrels" we held in our temples, and the new kid at my cousin's school who stared at her all day before finally screwing up his courage enough to ask where her horns were. Come on, people! I think I'm going to have to add Colton's to my list and call it a three-way, though.
Here's his story:
A man approaches him and says he knows what the towers in Salt Lake temple are for.
'Sat so?, says Colton. "Well, maybe you'd better tell me, 'cause I've been in 'em and I didn't see anything."
The man, disregarding this empirical evidence, states emphatically, "You use them to hide your virgins for your secret sacrifices."
"Well,if they're so secret how do you know about them?" Colton reasonably queries.
"One of them escaped."
"How'd she manage that?"
"She jumped out of the window into the Salt Lake and swam away."
To which Colton wisely responded, "Then I suggest you go find that girl and recruit her for the Olympic team. Because even with a 200 ft. high leg up, anyone who can jump over a mile is well worth pursuing for the track team!"
Eh-HEH.(In the interests of fairness, this man was Canadian and clearly had not the slightest
What about you, Bloggers? What ridiculous myths exist about your faiths? Do you have any favorites you'd care to share?