Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Survey Says.......

My latest obsession is surveys on MySpace. They are just a hoot. The fun part is, of course, coming up with unique and creative answers to highly repetetive questions. And some of the questions are just ......well, they make me despair of the public education system, let's put it that way. Anyway, I so much enjoy these things that I have done a great many of them. As a result, I have amused enough people enough of the time that I have been informed that I should proffer some highlights as they will be a marvelous insight into my, er, distinctive personality. So here you are with the aforementioned proffering. Let me know how much elucidation has been felt by all and sundry. Some of the questions have more than one answer (did I mention that these things can be somewhat repetetive?) Anyway, I try to keep things interesting.

What is your middle name?
Joy. Tell me about it. My name can be a lot to live up to sometimes. But I like it.
Danger! Actually, it's Mordechai, but Danger has a much nicer ring to it, don't you think?

Are you hiding something from someone?
*SNORT* NO. Are you kidding? I have no filter on that brain/mouth thing.

How do you feel about your hair?
I don't generally have feelings toward my hair. If it's behaving, I'm good. If it's not, I pin it down with something handy and leave it there until it reconsiders, which usually takes all day. My hair can be very stubborn.

What’s your sign?
Stop. But I'm thinking of changing it to Yield. Oh. Ahem. Aries.

Do you drink beer?
No. No, I don't. The smell alone is enough to drive me out the door, eyes watering in a desperate bid at gag reflex repression.

B is for beer of choice:
A&W Root. I'm pretty sure the first person to drink actual beer did it on a dare, which would make him Scottish, of course. Can’t you just hear it go down? "Oy! Look a’ tha’ bag o’ rotten grain. Et's DREPPING! I dare ye to drink that! I dare ye!"

Did you just die?
I'm checking, but I'm thinking no.

Do you like blue cheese?
You know, I have ZERO interest in eating rotting food or any of its....... derivatives. Ick. Ew. No.

Do you make up your own words?
Constantly. Fortunately they're always descriptive enough that people get what I'm saying. For instance, if I fourpled something, how many times did it increase? Or if something snakles, how’s it moving? Yeah. See?

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes. That being said, I think the reason is almost always ourselves.

Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?

I have a whole host of people in my head, and not just a few of them were born there.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
I believe that when you want something badly enough you find a way to make it happen, yes, even if it's not conscious.

What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body?
Leap back about 6 feet while exclaiming something along the lines of HOLY CRAP! Then stare in macabre fascination while I called the police. OR a more likely scenario has me calmly closing said door, calling the authorities, waiting until they were gone before passing out, throwing up, and screaming. I'll give myself some leeway as to the order of those last three.

Q is for quote:
"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing." - Clive James


Not eat the entire snack food aisle at Wal-Mart.

Are you going to laugh?
Absolutely. I have to burn off all those calories from the snack food aisle, don't I?

Honestly, what would you rather be doing right now?
Sleeping is always good. Gaining knowledge by osmosis would be another thriller.

Have you ever eaten pizza with sour cream?
No, but it sounds like it could be good. And really, is there any such thing as TOO fattening?

Do you ever think people hate you for filling these out?
No. I flatter myself that I'm amusing enough that they can't quite make it all the way to hate.

How do you feel about reality shows?
I've never enjoyed watching people deliberately decimate their personal dignity for money.

Do you believe everyone has a soulmate?
Yes. But that said I don't believe that soul mates have anything to do with romantic love. They are people with whom your soul connects and feels safe.

Can you sing?
Like a bird! Though I leave it to individual taste to describe which bird.

Would you date the person who posted this?
Well, I'm the first one to post this, and I do believe I am currently dating myself. So far it's going pretty well. I laugh at all my jokes. I appreciate me for all the little things. I'm totally understanding when I'm stressed and just don't feel like cleaning up. I could be the one.

Do you say aim or a-i-m?
Well, I guess that would depend on if I was talking or in a spelling bee....

Do you believe that there is always room in your heart for your first love?
I believe there is room in your heart for whatever you wish to put in it. It's infinitely expandable, the human heart.

How old were you when you had your first kiss?
I was in kindergarten, according to my mother and that tattletale bus driver.

Do you have empty bottles of alcohol hidden somewhere?
The only alcohol in my house is rubbing alcohol, and it would seem just a tad neurotic to hide those, don't you think? What do you mean the question stands?!

Who is a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to about anything?
I can talk to anyone about anything. However, depending upon the subject matter, the conversation may be remarkably short.

What could be done to make things better for you?
Nothing I'm not already doing. Unless you want to count having someone bestow an enormous amount of tax-free fundage upon me, in which case, there is that.

Have you changed much this year?
Let me just real quick check. There's my pulse, so, yeah!

How do you earn money?
By being a warm, fuzzy, moderately incompetent person that occupies space in an office.

Is there anyone you'd die for?
Sure. If there's no one in your life you'd die for you have not sufficiently opened your heart. Of course, death is never my first choice!

Are there too many commercials on tv?
Of course. One more reason not to watch. I resent being made to feel like my immortal soul is in jeopardy if I choose the wrong paper towels, peanut butter or car. Do I REALLY need parenting classes if I don't buy JIF?!

If you could live in any other country, which one would you pick?
I wouldn't. I would love to visit any number of countries, but this one is, hands down, the best one to live in.

Has anyone ever told you have pretty eyes?
Probably. I DO have pretty eyes, after all, so someone was bound to notice and remark upon it at some point.

Who is one person you trust completely with your heart:
My mom.

When you tell someone you love them, how often do you honestly mean it:
I do my level best not to say things I don't mean. What's the word for that again? Oh, yeah. LYING.

Would you rather bungee jump or skydive:

Oh skydive, totally! No whiplash at the end and it's as close to flying as I'll get before I'm translated.

Do you have a secret place you love to go:

It's all in my head, man. Whole worlds reside there.

Do you wear a name tag at work?
No. I'm going to school so I'll never have to have a name-taggable job again.

Can you count past 100?
Yes, I passed kindergarten. And on the first try, too!

Have you ever ran with scissors?
I believe the grammatically correct phrase is 'Have you ever RUN with scissors?' and I'm sure I have. Some rules are just stupid. How much damage can you do with a pair of blunt-nosed Fiskars? I mean, really!?

Favorite College football team?
I'm pretty sure BYU is a genetic legacy, so I'll say that, even though I never watch football.

Do you sometimes wish you were someone else?
I used to. But in the last several years, I have come to see myself as a fascinating person that I wouldn't mind getting to know better. I'm just getting the hang of being me. Why muck that up and have to start all over as someone else?

Do you hate chocolate?
No. No, I think it's safe to say that I don't hate chocolate. In fact, I'd say it's equally safe to say that I'd be struck by lightning if I tried to say, or, indeed, even IMPLY, that I hate chocolate.

Are you easy to get along with?
Well, I get along with me pretty well. You'd have to ask other people if they think so, too.

Have you ever been beaten up?
I make it a point to not put myself in places or around people that make that a possibility.

Do You Sleep On Your Side, Stomach, Or Back?
Well, yes.

What is the wallpaper on your phone?
People wallpaper their phones?! What, is it just a lark to watch someone new try to find the thing when it rings?

Your thoughts on online relationships?
Opens a girl up to rejection on a GLOBAL level. What's not to love?

Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?
Yeah. Then I married him. Then I decided I liked him better as a friend. And they lived happily ever after. Amen.

Who was the last person that made you laugh?
Me. I'm highly amusing. I laugh at myself constantly.

Do you dance in the car?

Well, since no one wants to see me dance outside the car, it's pretty much the only place I do dance. Although, I must say, it compromises the cardio benefits a bit.

Who do you make fun of the most?
Again, me. I always know when to draw the line before becoming insulting to me.

Are you an atheist?
I'm an anti-atheist. Big Theist, here. Huge.

What's your opinion on gold diggers?
Well, they were a hard working lot. I couldn't have lived that long without a bath, personally. Wait. Aren't we talking about the Gold Rush of '49? Oh.

Are you afraid of the dark?
Sometimes. The dark holds things, changes things, is sometimes a physical weight. I don't like to tempt it more often than I have to.

If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
Sure, 'cause I'd spend most of my time coming up with inventive new ways and places to hide.

Do you consider yourself successful?
Well, I'd say I'm successfully working toward becoming successful. Does that count?

Do you knock on wood?
Every time I go to someone's house. It's how they know I'm there, you see.

What do you do when no one is watching?
Make sure no one is watching.

What do you want?
Again with the vagueness! In regards to what? I want puny poundage, major moolah and limitless learnedness.

What is your favorite color?
Today I shall say it is Chartreuse, because it is a fun word to say.

What makes you laugh?
Nearly anything. I have a very healthy appreciation for the absurd.

What kind of pet do you have?

What color are your toenails usually?
Newborn colored. Naked as the day....

What is your favorite accessory?
A smile. Goes with everything and costs nothing!

Can you spell well?
I can, indeed. And many other words. I can even use them appropriately in sentences in a little known process called grammar!

Do you have a little black dress?
I have a black dress, but the term little is entirely too subjective in my opinion.

Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
I can spot a few right off. Like the fact that "best friend" is in fact TWO words, and that the use of the superlative best is an automatic rank elevator.

Who is your celebrity crush?
I have many, especially when you take into account that you can just take the face and body and build a great personality around it. Fantasy is a beautiful thing. Jude Law, Johnny Depp, Vin Diesel, Wentworth Miller......They all want me.

Do you know how to throw up gang signs?
I imagine it's like throwing up anything else. First you have to swallow it, and then your stomach retaliates with an eviction notice. The war is on and eventually your stomach wins.

Have you ever broken a rib?
Nope. And I'm perfectly content to be lacking that experience, thank you.

Have you ever had an eating disorder?
*SNORT* NO. My eating is, and always has been, highly functional.

Would you ever work for the border patrol?
If they really needed an incompetent, unqualified person, I'd be more than happy to assist.

Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?

Yes. And they did. Now I have new ones, and they'll come true, too.

Do you want to hit something?
No way. Hitting HURTS, and I believe you all know my stance on pain.

Are you a country boy/girl or city slicker?
I'm a small town girl. I don't like living out in the country, and I can't handle living in the city, but small towns within a day's drive of the big city, is my idea of perfect.

What song are you listening to right now?
I don't think it qualifies as a song yet. It's my daughter practicing the saxophone.

What was the last movie you watched?
Happily N'Ever After. If I could roll my eyes in print, I would.

If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name be?
Mahonri-Coriantimer ('cause I have a brother named Jared). It's Mormon thing.


Melain said...

OH Cheech. That's a perfect selection. I darn near wet myself multiple times. You should preface that post with a "weak bladders" warning. :)

Melain said...

ps. Your bit about the Scottish beer dare had me WHEEZING till a coughing fit ensued. I woke up Jonathan with laughing!

pps. Love all your pictures too. This was a great post!

Groverfam said...

I am a friend of Melain's and you are freakin' hilarious. I can tell the two of you are related. you need to keep posting more- you could be a stand up comedian with some of those- although you'd have to have a totally mormon audience for the last one- Brother of Jared- that was funny! I'll keep looking for more posts. Lili Grover

Melissa said...

This is Melissa. I am Melain's husband's older sister. And I think you and I are kindred spirits. I hereby declare us to be friends henceforth and forever. I agree with everything you say on your blog. (I haven't read every word of every post, but I support your position in all the areas you write about, especially the part about shopping for clothing in fluorescent lighting). By the way, I love peeple who spel real good and can use good grammer :) That's how I first knew we would be friends :)