Friday, March 28, 2008

The ABC's of Me

A - ADVOCATE FOR: My children. For those of you who are new to my little corner of the universe, it won't take you long to realize that I am a woman who has virtually no weak emotions. Whatever I feel, I feel it strongly. Therefore, when I become an advocate for something, the emotional investment is ramped up to a whole new level, and I find that I actually frighten people with the intensity of it. Thus, I restrict my advocacy to my children, and of course other family members. However, as they are usually able to take care of themselves, my advocacy is seldom required. But they have it all the same.

B - BEST FEATURE: I have a number of attractive features. I have lovely eyes, a sweet mouth, cute ears, nice cheekbones, decent smile, great legs and feet. It's most unfortunate that I've chosen to lump them all together on the frame I'm currently sporting, a roughly hourglass shape through which the sands of time could run at triple their normal rate.

C - COULD DO WITHOUT: the endless barrage of reality TV. Is anyone truly amused by watching these people expose themselves so hideously day in and day out? And it's almost always for a monetary reward. It makes me not just a little nauseated.

D - DREAMS & DESIRES: I have a great many. I want to be a good mom. I want to be a better daughter and sister. I want to learn every language on the face of the planet. I want to drive a race car over 150 mph. I want to own my own Harley. I want to go paragliding in Hawaii. Heck, I'd settle for just seeing Hawaii from the ground!I want to go for a gondola ride in Venice. I want to see the fashions in Milan. I want to see the Zugspitze. I want to have my picture taken while I lay at the four corners where UT, NM, AZ and CO meet. I want to take a hot air balloon ride across the wine country in France. I want to watch safely from a balcony as the idiots do the Bull Run in Pamplona. I want to visit the ruins of Pompeii and Machu Pichu. I want to take a Carribean cruise. I want to have a massive, wallet-melting shopping spree in NYC. I want to see the Outback and all those beautiful New Zealand locations from the Lord of the Rings movies. I want to visit all those cool shops and pubs in London and ride the tube. I want to see Edinburgh Castle. I want to kiss the Blarney Stone and see Stonehenge. I want to spend the night in a real English castle. I want to ride the Chunnel over to Paris and see Paris from the Eiffel tower. I want to spend a whole day at a Paris cafe, sketching and writing.....whatever comes into my head. I want to see Notre Dame, the Louvre, and take a ride down the Seine. I want to see the Diamond Exchange in Antwerp. I want to see original works of art by Monet, Degas and DaVinci. I want to see all that beautiful Russian architecture. I want to see the Northern Lights. I want to breathe in the history of ancient Egypt and China, places so old you would swear the dirt was heavy with the stories of the people who had walked there and the air was spun with their ghosts. I want to see Gethsemane and Bethlehem. I want to be an expert with all weapons. I want to be at the top level in all self-defense disciplines from Tai Kwon Do, to Jujuitsu, to Karate, to Krav Maga. I want to be able to take any engine apart and put it back together without mysterious leftover parts. I want to be able to paint what I feel. I want to be a musical virtuoso. I want to be able to manipulate the stock market without breaking a sweat. I want to lose the weight and be hot, and not care if anyone else thinks so. I want to be able to shop off the racks at Anne Taylor. I want to be independently wealthy. I want to be the kind of person who gives their all and throws themselves into their life with embarrassing gusto. I want....I just want.

E - ESSENTIAL ITEMS: Lip gloss. Or something like it. Without it I chew my face to shreds. Neither attractive nor comfortable, so I make every effort to keep something with me.

F - FAVORITE PASTIME: Wandering around my oddball little mind digging for buried treasure.

G - GOOD AT: Oh, I have lots of talents. Everyone does. I'm good at math, reading, spelling, laughing, making other people laugh, being happy, saying I'm sorry, actually being sorry, admitting when I'm wrong, actually being wrong, thinking the best of most people, being smart, being stupid, sharing, being selfish, giving the benefit of the doubt, having an admirably short memory for unpleasantness(as a general rule. There are, of course, exceptions), and lots of other things I can't think of right now.

H - HAVE NEVER TRIED: calamari or escargot. The entire idea makes my stomach quiver threateningly as if to say,"If you ever even THINK about THINKING about putting that down here, we will have words. Big. Long. Juicy. Smelly. Toilet-clutching. Pray-for-death-ing words." I've never cared to test that threat.

I - IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: I am going to assume that this is after tithing and taxes.(Which means I had roughly 2.2 million at the start of this question. Frickin' IRS. Thieves!) Anyway, I'd pay for my schooling, hire tutors for my kids, pay for my mom's schooling, pay off my sister's house, start retirement accounts for myself and my kids, start a travel fund, and probably start exercising, because there's something about the natural order of the universe that states you have to be skinny to be rich.

J - JUNKIE FOR: FUDGE. Oh my merciful stars in heaven above!!! I LUUURRVE fudge. Not the cakey kind, either. Blech. Blasphemers!! No, the silky kind that melts almost as soon as it hits the heat of your mouth. Oh. Divine. Rule number one for a good fudge: You should never have to chew!

K - KINDRED SPIRIT: Probably the closest one I have is Katie. We have a lot in common. And a lot not in common. But we just seem to get each other.

L - LITTLE KNOWN FACT:Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head."

All porcupines float in water.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111=12,345,678,987,654,321

What? There are no little known facts about me. If you don't know them, neither do I. See the Myspace answers blog for that whole brain/mouth thing.

M - MEMORABLE MOMENT: I think that out of the many that were immediately vying for my attention and lobbying heavily for public consumption(and there are MANY) I'm gonna have to go with the Canadian Teeter Totter Incident. I realize that it's unusual for a 14 year old to be able to effectively ride a teeter totter, but this one was exceptionally long, you see, and as it is one of the few pieces of moving playground equipment I can play on without becoming viley ill from motion sickness, I took full advantage. My sister was my companion in this little adventure and we were having a great deal of fun pretending to float gracefully down from great heights. This worked very well for both of us until one of my trips down ended in a soft bump that promptly ploinked me off of my teeter totter seat. Well, this created a substantial gust of gravity, causing my poor little sister to plummet in a rather dramatic fashion toward the ground. A number of things entered my mind in this moment. Having had one or two bone-jarring, jaw-breaking encounters of the gravity-gusting variety myself, I knew I could not allow this fate to befall my baby sister. So, clearly at this point all rational thought had fled, because I wrapped my legs around the swiftly uprising end of the teeter totter in order to slow its motion and allow my sweet one to escape unharmed. I did not, however, take into account what revenge gravity might have in store for me for foiling its plan. Up I went, FLIPPED A FULL CIRCLE IN THE AIR, another half circle was accomplished by sheer momentum at this point, whereupon I was unceremoniously dumped on my head in the dirt. Now I realized that this must have looked alarming from the outside(having leaped to this knowledge by the sight of several adults pelting toward my pitiful, crumpled form, I began to try to visualize it).I also realized that it looked pretty dang funny, and when my poor, panicked sister came around the end of the teeter totter with her eyes taking up a full 2/3 of her face and her horrified mouth taking up the rest of it, I couldn't help it. The image was complete and I started to laugh my head off. Fortunately, I continued to do this as we walked back to our family's campsite, as I was essentially undamaged.

N - NEVER AGAIN WILL I: forget how much power I have in my own life.

O - OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: I'm afraid there is no answer to this question. The fact of the matter is, I spoil myself rotten. If I want something, I pretty much give it to me.

P - PROFESSION: At the moment I seem to be a professional student. Though I am a licensed massage therapist and I'm working on becoming a tax accountant.

Q - QUOTE: " Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality."--- Ralph Marston

" When people tell us something can't be done, they don't mean we can't do it. They actually mean THEY can't do it."--- Unknown

R - REASON TO SMILE: Who needs a REASON?! A smile BECOMES a reason.

S - SORRY ABOUT: being a bad mom. I'm a lot better than I used to be. But I'll ALWAYS be sorry for not being better sooner.

T - TAG SOME FRIENDS: OK, as much as I would love to continue this tradition, the fact of the matter is, I have no blogging friends that haven't already done this. You two are probably the only ones who'll read this anyway. Loved your answers, by the way!

U - UNINTERESTED IN: dating, in any of its torturous forms. Who thought this was a good idea?! I'm seriously considering just letting my Mom pick my next husband. I think I've proven pretty conclusively that I suck at it.

V - VERY SCARED OF: very little. I can't think of anything that I'm really scared of. Hm. Maybe sharks. Yeah. With the teeth and those flat, black eyes. shuuuddderrrrr

W - WORST HABIT: It's more of a lack of habit. I don't exercise.

X - X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Seriously? Did you not read the whole "D" answer? Just pull out a map of the solar system and put an "X" over the planet Earth and call it good.

Y- YUCKIEST THING EVER- Pretty much anything that could be connected to a slug. Any texture or sight. I seriously do not understand what God was thinking with that one, but you bet your bippy it's on my list of "Urgent Matters to Discuss When I Die". It's right after "Why the 70's?" and right before "Why was sugar fattening?"

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Aries. Whatever that means to anyone.



Melissa said...

You are HILARIOUS! And by the way, as someone who has eaten squid in all its various forms (raw, roasted, fried, with ink and without ink) you are WELL ADVISED to stay away from it!I also had a bit of a slug/snail (it was much larger than I expected) and yeah--I could barely do it. (I was in Japan and had to be careful not to offend, you see). But the worst (almost made me hurl) was raw cow's tongue. Seriously. It's wrong when the think you're eating can taste you back.

Melissa said...

..."thing" you're eating. Sorry. Typing too fast.

Marni Tiani Self said...

Wasn't that a fun blog? I loved doing mine. :D

Melain said...

So... is there anything ELSE you dream and desire??? I jest, but that was really cool.

and 'M'? All I had to do was read Canadian Teeter Totter Incident and I was laughing so hard I had to stop and rest my head. You retold it beautifully.

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

I just *loved* this. It so made me want to get to know you better. But listen, you seriously have to add Marrakesh to your hopes and desires, even though I fully understand your x marks the spot caveat.

Melissa said...

Hey, thank you SO MUCH for donating to the Budge Family! Every little bit means so much. You are awesome!

Melissa said...

Also, thanks for adding me to your blogroll. I added you to mine, too! Afterall, that's what friends henceforth and forever do!

Melissa said...

Sorry, I keep blabbing on here. I LOVE that you have the "C is for Cookie" song on here! How can you not be happy when you listen to that song?