Friday, March 28, 2008

The ABC's of Me

A - ADVOCATE FOR: My children. For those of you who are new to my little corner of the universe, it won't take you long to realize that I am a woman who has virtually no weak emotions. Whatever I feel, I feel it strongly. Therefore, when I become an advocate for something, the emotional investment is ramped up to a whole new level, and I find that I actually frighten people with the intensity of it. Thus, I restrict my advocacy to my children, and of course other family members. However, as they are usually able to take care of themselves, my advocacy is seldom required. But they have it all the same.

B - BEST FEATURE: I have a number of attractive features. I have lovely eyes, a sweet mouth, cute ears, nice cheekbones, decent smile, great legs and feet. It's most unfortunate that I've chosen to lump them all together on the frame I'm currently sporting, a roughly hourglass shape through which the sands of time could run at triple their normal rate.

C - COULD DO WITHOUT: the endless barrage of reality TV. Is anyone truly amused by watching these people expose themselves so hideously day in and day out? And it's almost always for a monetary reward. It makes me not just a little nauseated.

D - DREAMS & DESIRES: I have a great many. I want to be a good mom. I want to be a better daughter and sister. I want to learn every language on the face of the planet. I want to drive a race car over 150 mph. I want to own my own Harley. I want to go paragliding in Hawaii. Heck, I'd settle for just seeing Hawaii from the ground!I want to go for a gondola ride in Venice. I want to see the fashions in Milan. I want to see the Zugspitze. I want to have my picture taken while I lay at the four corners where UT, NM, AZ and CO meet. I want to take a hot air balloon ride across the wine country in France. I want to watch safely from a balcony as the idiots do the Bull Run in Pamplona. I want to visit the ruins of Pompeii and Machu Pichu. I want to take a Carribean cruise. I want to have a massive, wallet-melting shopping spree in NYC. I want to see the Outback and all those beautiful New Zealand locations from the Lord of the Rings movies. I want to visit all those cool shops and pubs in London and ride the tube. I want to see Edinburgh Castle. I want to kiss the Blarney Stone and see Stonehenge. I want to spend the night in a real English castle. I want to ride the Chunnel over to Paris and see Paris from the Eiffel tower. I want to spend a whole day at a Paris cafe, sketching and writing.....whatever comes into my head. I want to see Notre Dame, the Louvre, and take a ride down the Seine. I want to see the Diamond Exchange in Antwerp. I want to see original works of art by Monet, Degas and DaVinci. I want to see all that beautiful Russian architecture. I want to see the Northern Lights. I want to breathe in the history of ancient Egypt and China, places so old you would swear the dirt was heavy with the stories of the people who had walked there and the air was spun with their ghosts. I want to see Gethsemane and Bethlehem. I want to be an expert with all weapons. I want to be at the top level in all self-defense disciplines from Tai Kwon Do, to Jujuitsu, to Karate, to Krav Maga. I want to be able to take any engine apart and put it back together without mysterious leftover parts. I want to be able to paint what I feel. I want to be a musical virtuoso. I want to be able to manipulate the stock market without breaking a sweat. I want to lose the weight and be hot, and not care if anyone else thinks so. I want to be able to shop off the racks at Anne Taylor. I want to be independently wealthy. I want to be the kind of person who gives their all and throws themselves into their life with embarrassing gusto. I want....I just want.

E - ESSENTIAL ITEMS: Lip gloss. Or something like it. Without it I chew my face to shreds. Neither attractive nor comfortable, so I make every effort to keep something with me.

F - FAVORITE PASTIME: Wandering around my oddball little mind digging for buried treasure.

G - GOOD AT: Oh, I have lots of talents. Everyone does. I'm good at math, reading, spelling, laughing, making other people laugh, being happy, saying I'm sorry, actually being sorry, admitting when I'm wrong, actually being wrong, thinking the best of most people, being smart, being stupid, sharing, being selfish, giving the benefit of the doubt, having an admirably short memory for unpleasantness(as a general rule. There are, of course, exceptions), and lots of other things I can't think of right now.

H - HAVE NEVER TRIED: calamari or escargot. The entire idea makes my stomach quiver threateningly as if to say,"If you ever even THINK about THINKING about putting that down here, we will have words. Big. Long. Juicy. Smelly. Toilet-clutching. Pray-for-death-ing words." I've never cared to test that threat.

I - IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: I am going to assume that this is after tithing and taxes.(Which means I had roughly 2.2 million at the start of this question. Frickin' IRS. Thieves!) Anyway, I'd pay for my schooling, hire tutors for my kids, pay for my mom's schooling, pay off my sister's house, start retirement accounts for myself and my kids, start a travel fund, and probably start exercising, because there's something about the natural order of the universe that states you have to be skinny to be rich.

J - JUNKIE FOR: FUDGE. Oh my merciful stars in heaven above!!! I LUUURRVE fudge. Not the cakey kind, either. Blech. Blasphemers!! No, the silky kind that melts almost as soon as it hits the heat of your mouth. Oh. Divine. Rule number one for a good fudge: You should never have to chew!

K - KINDRED SPIRIT: Probably the closest one I have is Katie. We have a lot in common. And a lot not in common. But we just seem to get each other.

L - LITTLE KNOWN FACT:Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head."

All porcupines float in water.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111=12,345,678,987,654,321

What? There are no little known facts about me. If you don't know them, neither do I. See the Myspace answers blog for that whole brain/mouth thing.

M - MEMORABLE MOMENT: I think that out of the many that were immediately vying for my attention and lobbying heavily for public consumption(and there are MANY) I'm gonna have to go with the Canadian Teeter Totter Incident. I realize that it's unusual for a 14 year old to be able to effectively ride a teeter totter, but this one was exceptionally long, you see, and as it is one of the few pieces of moving playground equipment I can play on without becoming viley ill from motion sickness, I took full advantage. My sister was my companion in this little adventure and we were having a great deal of fun pretending to float gracefully down from great heights. This worked very well for both of us until one of my trips down ended in a soft bump that promptly ploinked me off of my teeter totter seat. Well, this created a substantial gust of gravity, causing my poor little sister to plummet in a rather dramatic fashion toward the ground. A number of things entered my mind in this moment. Having had one or two bone-jarring, jaw-breaking encounters of the gravity-gusting variety myself, I knew I could not allow this fate to befall my baby sister. So, clearly at this point all rational thought had fled, because I wrapped my legs around the swiftly uprising end of the teeter totter in order to slow its motion and allow my sweet one to escape unharmed. I did not, however, take into account what revenge gravity might have in store for me for foiling its plan. Up I went, FLIPPED A FULL CIRCLE IN THE AIR, another half circle was accomplished by sheer momentum at this point, whereupon I was unceremoniously dumped on my head in the dirt. Now I realized that this must have looked alarming from the outside(having leaped to this knowledge by the sight of several adults pelting toward my pitiful, crumpled form, I began to try to visualize it).I also realized that it looked pretty dang funny, and when my poor, panicked sister came around the end of the teeter totter with her eyes taking up a full 2/3 of her face and her horrified mouth taking up the rest of it, I couldn't help it. The image was complete and I started to laugh my head off. Fortunately, I continued to do this as we walked back to our family's campsite, as I was essentially undamaged.

N - NEVER AGAIN WILL I: forget how much power I have in my own life.

O - OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: I'm afraid there is no answer to this question. The fact of the matter is, I spoil myself rotten. If I want something, I pretty much give it to me.

P - PROFESSION: At the moment I seem to be a professional student. Though I am a licensed massage therapist and I'm working on becoming a tax accountant.

Q - QUOTE: " Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality."--- Ralph Marston

" When people tell us something can't be done, they don't mean we can't do it. They actually mean THEY can't do it."--- Unknown

R - REASON TO SMILE: Who needs a REASON?! A smile BECOMES a reason.

S - SORRY ABOUT: being a bad mom. I'm a lot better than I used to be. But I'll ALWAYS be sorry for not being better sooner.

T - TAG SOME FRIENDS: OK, as much as I would love to continue this tradition, the fact of the matter is, I have no blogging friends that haven't already done this. You two are probably the only ones who'll read this anyway. Loved your answers, by the way!

U - UNINTERESTED IN: dating, in any of its torturous forms. Who thought this was a good idea?! I'm seriously considering just letting my Mom pick my next husband. I think I've proven pretty conclusively that I suck at it.

V - VERY SCARED OF: very little. I can't think of anything that I'm really scared of. Hm. Maybe sharks. Yeah. With the teeth and those flat, black eyes. shuuuddderrrrr

W - WORST HABIT: It's more of a lack of habit. I don't exercise.

X - X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Seriously? Did you not read the whole "D" answer? Just pull out a map of the solar system and put an "X" over the planet Earth and call it good.

Y- YUCKIEST THING EVER- Pretty much anything that could be connected to a slug. Any texture or sight. I seriously do not understand what God was thinking with that one, but you bet your bippy it's on my list of "Urgent Matters to Discuss When I Die". It's right after "Why the 70's?" and right before "Why was sugar fattening?"

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Aries. Whatever that means to anyone.


Friday, March 14, 2008

Going, going.....

At what point does a person have to admit to being an adult? The lines seem to have blurred to the point of invisibility these days. So I decided to put my admittedly oddball mind to this problem, and I have realized there are several unmistakable signs. Cues, if you will, from the world and from within oneself.

1. The news is no longer boring. You actually understand the words that are coming out of their mouths and those words almost invariably tick you off, especially in election years. Because now you know what an election year actually is.

2. Icicles no longer have such prodigious dimensions. In fact, nothing is as big as it used to be, and therefore, a little bit of the awe we felt for the world has left us.

3. The bright packaging on cereal and yogurt now gives you a headache, and for some reason it all just tastes kind of gross now.

4. All those awesome songs you grew up with- on tapes- are now in Classic Music Collections on infomercials.

5. When you talk with the current popular vernacular, the kids all give you looks that range from disgust to pity to extreme discomfort with the inablility to maintain eye contact. I mean, how do you explain to an old person that they are constitutionally incapable of being cool?

6. People look at your "cool/hip/rad/sick/bad/phat" vehicle and coughovercompensationcough while rolling their eyes.

7. People stop being impressed with your video game scores. Especially if it's the only thing you can claim any authority on. You begin to feel their laser gazes burning the word LOSER into your forehead, and yet can't quite grasp why.

8. You suddenly realize that you have cooked your own dinner and done your own laundry without calling your mother in a panic even once. (I found a black sock in the whites!!! It's too late!! I already washed AND dried everything!! WHAT DO I DO?!??!!?!?!!)

9. The new music coming out is crap! All that screaming, you can't even understand what they're saying! And is that man beating his head against the drum set?! No skill!!

10. You find yourself forced to acknowledge that kids today are spoiled brats. Every last one of 'em. They don't know what it means to really work/have to walk to school/use their imaginations, it could go on and on. They have it so easy and they're so UNGRATEFUL!

11. It no longer feels strange to admit that adults have first names, and you use them comfortably, even adults you knew as a kid.

12. You now understand why everyone's always so ticked off when taxes are mentioned.

13. You stop getting excited and drooly over Toys'R'Us commercials and start getting excited and drooly over ads for low interest rates, doorbuster sales and discount malls.

14. Finding a fabulous apartment that has rent control can bring you to tears faster than The Notebook.(Why didn't you write me?!)Even faster than watching the Yankees win another Series.

15.You accept that your parents really are smart people who know a bit about how the world works, and now you can't wait to pick their brains.

16. You feel undeniably compelled to apologize to your parents. Repeatedly. With gifts. And grovelling.

One of these days we'll all get the hang of this adulthood thing, but until then, I still get a thrill every time I see a Toys'R'Us commercial.

Psychoanalyze Yourself.......

Psychoanalyze Yourself; Don't read ahead, just get a pad and pen and answer the following questions with the first thought that comes to mind. Then read which each answer means at the end.
(No cheating! )

1. You are walking in the woods. You are not alone. Who is with you?
A man. I don't know who he is. It's not someone I've ever met before. But I know I'm safe because he's with me.

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal?
A black panther.

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
We both get into a crouch and get slowly closer until we can sense there's no threat. Then we're a team. We walk together.

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing, and before you is your dream house, what is your dream house.
A one-story English cottage, only it's really spacious indoors. Huge great room, high ceilings, lots of windows and light, fabulous state of the art kitchen with an herb garden window, roomy bedrooms with big windows. Slate patio, flowers and shrubs everywhere, vegetable garden, greenhouse, manicured lawn, massive trees, treehouse, tree swing, lights strung outside.

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?

6. You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see what on the table?
Nothing. It just gleams in the sunlight. Okay, so I guess it has sunlight on it.

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
I don't see a cup.

8. What do you do with the cup?
Keep moving.

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the end of a body of water, how much water is there?
A HUUUUGE lake, fathoms deep and miles long and wide.

10. How will you cross the water?
On a jet ski.

Okay. Now I'll analyze me.


1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.

(Well, that's alittle depressing.I haven't even met the most important person in my life!)

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.

(Fair enough. Not overwhelmingly large, but potentially lethal. Sounds about right.)

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems....

(I like this one. Makes me sound all sorts of mentally healthy. Yay me!)

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.

(Not much to look at from the outside, but a lot of internal work. Right again!)

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.

(I'm OPEN!!! HaHAA!)

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.

(Okay, I feel I must disagree. I think I'm pretty happy. Besides, my table is just waiting for all those people to come when I fix that fantastic feast in my envy-inducing kitchen.)

7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.

(Truth! I tried! I could NOT for the life of me conjure up a cup! Well, I could but I couldn't make it go into the picture. It was one of those Rubbermaid plastic drinking glasses that we all had when we were kids. It was all dirty like a little kid had been using it to dig in the dirt. That's the cup that came to mind, but I could NOT make it go into the picture! I'm a freak.)

8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude.

(HOW is it representative of my attitude? My attitude toward what?)

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.

(Well. How embarrassing. You all now know more about me than you ever wanted to. I trust you will not tease me about this.)

10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be.

(I obviously expect to have complete control over the pace and the direction. Lots of get up and go there.)

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Survey Says.......

My latest obsession is surveys on MySpace. They are just a hoot. The fun part is, of course, coming up with unique and creative answers to highly repetetive questions. And some of the questions are just ......well, they make me despair of the public education system, let's put it that way. Anyway, I so much enjoy these things that I have done a great many of them. As a result, I have amused enough people enough of the time that I have been informed that I should proffer some highlights as they will be a marvelous insight into my, er, distinctive personality. So here you are with the aforementioned proffering. Let me know how much elucidation has been felt by all and sundry. Some of the questions have more than one answer (did I mention that these things can be somewhat repetetive?) Anyway, I try to keep things interesting.

What is your middle name?
Joy. Tell me about it. My name can be a lot to live up to sometimes. But I like it.
Danger! Actually, it's Mordechai, but Danger has a much nicer ring to it, don't you think?

Are you hiding something from someone?
*SNORT* NO. Are you kidding? I have no filter on that brain/mouth thing.

How do you feel about your hair?
I don't generally have feelings toward my hair. If it's behaving, I'm good. If it's not, I pin it down with something handy and leave it there until it reconsiders, which usually takes all day. My hair can be very stubborn.

What’s your sign?
Stop. But I'm thinking of changing it to Yield. Oh. Ahem. Aries.

Do you drink beer?
No. No, I don't. The smell alone is enough to drive me out the door, eyes watering in a desperate bid at gag reflex repression.

B is for beer of choice:
A&W Root. I'm pretty sure the first person to drink actual beer did it on a dare, which would make him Scottish, of course. Can’t you just hear it go down? "Oy! Look a’ tha’ bag o’ rotten grain. Et's DREPPING! I dare ye to drink that! I dare ye!"

Did you just die?
I'm checking, but I'm thinking no.

Do you like blue cheese?
You know, I have ZERO interest in eating rotting food or any of its....... derivatives. Ick. Ew. No.

Do you make up your own words?
Constantly. Fortunately they're always descriptive enough that people get what I'm saying. For instance, if I fourpled something, how many times did it increase? Or if something snakles, how’s it moving? Yeah. See?

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes. That being said, I think the reason is almost always ourselves.

Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?

I have a whole host of people in my head, and not just a few of them were born there.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
I believe that when you want something badly enough you find a way to make it happen, yes, even if it's not conscious.

What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body?
Leap back about 6 feet while exclaiming something along the lines of HOLY CRAP! Then stare in macabre fascination while I called the police. OR a more likely scenario has me calmly closing said door, calling the authorities, waiting until they were gone before passing out, throwing up, and screaming. I'll give myself some leeway as to the order of those last three.

Q is for quote:
"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing." - Clive James


Not eat the entire snack food aisle at Wal-Mart.

Are you going to laugh?
Absolutely. I have to burn off all those calories from the snack food aisle, don't I?

Honestly, what would you rather be doing right now?
Sleeping is always good. Gaining knowledge by osmosis would be another thriller.

Have you ever eaten pizza with sour cream?
No, but it sounds like it could be good. And really, is there any such thing as TOO fattening?

Do you ever think people hate you for filling these out?
No. I flatter myself that I'm amusing enough that they can't quite make it all the way to hate.

How do you feel about reality shows?
I've never enjoyed watching people deliberately decimate their personal dignity for money.

Do you believe everyone has a soulmate?
Yes. But that said I don't believe that soul mates have anything to do with romantic love. They are people with whom your soul connects and feels safe.

Can you sing?
Like a bird! Though I leave it to individual taste to describe which bird.

Would you date the person who posted this?
Well, I'm the first one to post this, and I do believe I am currently dating myself. So far it's going pretty well. I laugh at all my jokes. I appreciate me for all the little things. I'm totally understanding when I'm stressed and just don't feel like cleaning up. I could be the one.

Do you say aim or a-i-m?
Well, I guess that would depend on if I was talking or in a spelling bee....

Do you believe that there is always room in your heart for your first love?
I believe there is room in your heart for whatever you wish to put in it. It's infinitely expandable, the human heart.

How old were you when you had your first kiss?
I was in kindergarten, according to my mother and that tattletale bus driver.

Do you have empty bottles of alcohol hidden somewhere?
The only alcohol in my house is rubbing alcohol, and it would seem just a tad neurotic to hide those, don't you think? What do you mean the question stands?!

Who is a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to about anything?
I can talk to anyone about anything. However, depending upon the subject matter, the conversation may be remarkably short.

What could be done to make things better for you?
Nothing I'm not already doing. Unless you want to count having someone bestow an enormous amount of tax-free fundage upon me, in which case, there is that.

Have you changed much this year?
Let me just real quick check. There's my pulse, so, yeah!

How do you earn money?
By being a warm, fuzzy, moderately incompetent person that occupies space in an office.

Is there anyone you'd die for?
Sure. If there's no one in your life you'd die for you have not sufficiently opened your heart. Of course, death is never my first choice!

Are there too many commercials on tv?
Of course. One more reason not to watch. I resent being made to feel like my immortal soul is in jeopardy if I choose the wrong paper towels, peanut butter or car. Do I REALLY need parenting classes if I don't buy JIF?!

If you could live in any other country, which one would you pick?
I wouldn't. I would love to visit any number of countries, but this one is, hands down, the best one to live in.

Has anyone ever told you have pretty eyes?
Probably. I DO have pretty eyes, after all, so someone was bound to notice and remark upon it at some point.

Who is one person you trust completely with your heart:
My mom.

When you tell someone you love them, how often do you honestly mean it:
I do my level best not to say things I don't mean. What's the word for that again? Oh, yeah. LYING.

Would you rather bungee jump or skydive:

Oh skydive, totally! No whiplash at the end and it's as close to flying as I'll get before I'm translated.

Do you have a secret place you love to go:

It's all in my head, man. Whole worlds reside there.

Do you wear a name tag at work?
No. I'm going to school so I'll never have to have a name-taggable job again.

Can you count past 100?
Yes, I passed kindergarten. And on the first try, too!

Have you ever ran with scissors?
I believe the grammatically correct phrase is 'Have you ever RUN with scissors?' and I'm sure I have. Some rules are just stupid. How much damage can you do with a pair of blunt-nosed Fiskars? I mean, really!?

Favorite College football team?
I'm pretty sure BYU is a genetic legacy, so I'll say that, even though I never watch football.

Do you sometimes wish you were someone else?
I used to. But in the last several years, I have come to see myself as a fascinating person that I wouldn't mind getting to know better. I'm just getting the hang of being me. Why muck that up and have to start all over as someone else?

Do you hate chocolate?
No. No, I think it's safe to say that I don't hate chocolate. In fact, I'd say it's equally safe to say that I'd be struck by lightning if I tried to say, or, indeed, even IMPLY, that I hate chocolate.

Are you easy to get along with?
Well, I get along with me pretty well. You'd have to ask other people if they think so, too.

Have you ever been beaten up?
I make it a point to not put myself in places or around people that make that a possibility.

Do You Sleep On Your Side, Stomach, Or Back?
Well, yes.

What is the wallpaper on your phone?
People wallpaper their phones?! What, is it just a lark to watch someone new try to find the thing when it rings?

Your thoughts on online relationships?
Opens a girl up to rejection on a GLOBAL level. What's not to love?

Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?
Yeah. Then I married him. Then I decided I liked him better as a friend. And they lived happily ever after. Amen.

Who was the last person that made you laugh?
Me. I'm highly amusing. I laugh at myself constantly.

Do you dance in the car?

Well, since no one wants to see me dance outside the car, it's pretty much the only place I do dance. Although, I must say, it compromises the cardio benefits a bit.

Who do you make fun of the most?
Again, me. I always know when to draw the line before becoming insulting to me.

Are you an atheist?
I'm an anti-atheist. Big Theist, here. Huge.

What's your opinion on gold diggers?
Well, they were a hard working lot. I couldn't have lived that long without a bath, personally. Wait. Aren't we talking about the Gold Rush of '49? Oh.

Are you afraid of the dark?
Sometimes. The dark holds things, changes things, is sometimes a physical weight. I don't like to tempt it more often than I have to.

If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
Sure, 'cause I'd spend most of my time coming up with inventive new ways and places to hide.

Do you consider yourself successful?
Well, I'd say I'm successfully working toward becoming successful. Does that count?

Do you knock on wood?
Every time I go to someone's house. It's how they know I'm there, you see.

What do you do when no one is watching?
Make sure no one is watching.

What do you want?
Again with the vagueness! In regards to what? I want puny poundage, major moolah and limitless learnedness.

What is your favorite color?
Today I shall say it is Chartreuse, because it is a fun word to say.

What makes you laugh?
Nearly anything. I have a very healthy appreciation for the absurd.

What kind of pet do you have?

What color are your toenails usually?
Newborn colored. Naked as the day....

What is your favorite accessory?
A smile. Goes with everything and costs nothing!

Can you spell well?
I can, indeed. And many other words. I can even use them appropriately in sentences in a little known process called grammar!

Do you have a little black dress?
I have a black dress, but the term little is entirely too subjective in my opinion.

Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
I can spot a few right off. Like the fact that "best friend" is in fact TWO words, and that the use of the superlative best is an automatic rank elevator.

Who is your celebrity crush?
I have many, especially when you take into account that you can just take the face and body and build a great personality around it. Fantasy is a beautiful thing. Jude Law, Johnny Depp, Vin Diesel, Wentworth Miller......They all want me.

Do you know how to throw up gang signs?
I imagine it's like throwing up anything else. First you have to swallow it, and then your stomach retaliates with an eviction notice. The war is on and eventually your stomach wins.

Have you ever broken a rib?
Nope. And I'm perfectly content to be lacking that experience, thank you.

Have you ever had an eating disorder?
*SNORT* NO. My eating is, and always has been, highly functional.

Would you ever work for the border patrol?
If they really needed an incompetent, unqualified person, I'd be more than happy to assist.

Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?

Yes. And they did. Now I have new ones, and they'll come true, too.

Do you want to hit something?
No way. Hitting HURTS, and I believe you all know my stance on pain.

Are you a country boy/girl or city slicker?
I'm a small town girl. I don't like living out in the country, and I can't handle living in the city, but small towns within a day's drive of the big city, is my idea of perfect.

What song are you listening to right now?
I don't think it qualifies as a song yet. It's my daughter practicing the saxophone.

What was the last movie you watched?
Happily N'Ever After. If I could roll my eyes in print, I would.

If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name be?
Mahonri-Coriantimer ('cause I have a brother named Jared). It's Mormon thing.